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‘I have felt guilty every day but I’m compelled to keep moving, to keep experiencing,’ she went on. ‘Not so much because life is fragile and I’m scared but because I owe it to them. To everyone who has had the bad luck – the shitty, unfair, terrible ill fortune to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, sometimes by centimetres or millimetres.’
Arlo filled the next silence, almost mechanically. ‘So you can’t allow yourself to be happy with Ned? You don’t feel you deserve it?’
‘I – maybe. I don’t know.’
He realised he was playing devil’s advocate. He had never meant to get involved. He had vowed never to get involved in anyone’s drama again – let alone a guest’s. Now, here he was in the thick of it, having made the fatal mistake of letting down his guard and caring. Was that because Katie was vulnerable? He scoffed inwardly. She wasn’t vulnerable – she was strong, resilient, a survivor. She did not need him.
His instinct to comfort her, however, kicked in again. How he longed to hold her close and kiss her, but that faint prospect had vanished now Ned was back on the scene.
‘I’m guessing you don’t know which way to move now?’ he said, not daring to get an inch closer.
She grimaced. ‘Now he’s here, I feel I owe it to him to sort things out. Him turning up also makes me even more sorry about last night.’
‘Yeah. Me too. I should never have let things get as far as I did. It was so unprofessional. I don’t know what I was thinking.’
‘No. Well, me too. I shouldn’t have tried to make a move on a guy I hardly know – I don’t know – and put you in a terrible position.’ Her breath misted the chilly air.
‘The onus was on me.’
Her smile was sad and fleeting. ‘Let’s not battle for the biggest share of the guilt, eh? You were right to end it. It’s a weird time for me. Emotional. It’s Christmas, this stay is a big deal, and it’s an – unusual – location. I clearly decided the normal rules don’t apply and then there’s saviour syndrome … Ignore me, I’m talking rubbish.’
‘Saviour syndrome? You mean when someone bonds with a rescuer?’
‘Yeah. I guess. I looked long and hard but there’s no actual common name for it. But I’m impressed you’ve heard of it. And since you know what it is, I’m telling you I don’t have it. For you, I mean. Or Ned.’
‘I never thought you did.’
She stared at him. ‘But just to satisfy my curiosity, how have you heard of it?’
He paused. ‘I heard it from my ex. She was a psychotherapist.’ Which was incredibly ironic, he thought, then cursed his lapse into bitterness.
‘Oh. I – I see.’ She frowned. Was she surprised he had an ex who was a psychotherapist or was she taken aback by him mentioning an ex? ‘Well, I’d better let you get on with the chopping. Thanks for making sure we’ll all be kept warm. The house is a huge hit, by the way. The girls have almost forgotten that Ned’s staying in the Bothy.’
‘I probably should have recognised the name when he booked the Bothy. I saw him in a play in the West End once.’ He scraped up a smile. ‘My ex, Rowan, wanted to go to it.’
She paused, and he half expected a question about his ex. ‘Which play?’
‘The one about the dead poet.’
Katie sighed. ‘I remember it: The Last Nightingale. I wasn’t dating him then but I know the play well. Did you enjoy it?’
‘Erm … it was certainly thought-provoking.’
‘I watched a video. It wasn’t my favourite. Too depressing. I like a happy ending, which was unlikely in Keats’s case, but Ned’s written much more interesting stuff than that. Still, I’m impressed you saw it.’
‘Thanks.’
She lingered. ‘Arlo? I can promise you that nothing like last night will ever happen again. I’ll be gone in two weeks and you can forget I ever crossed your path.’
Arlo gave a small nod but was already dreading the day when that would be the case.
CHAPTER EIGHT
In the midst of arriving at the Island House – the nightmare, the kiss and Ned turning up – Katie had temporarily forgotten it was almost Christmas and that celebrating said event was the main purpose of gathering her friends there.
‘I am sorry. I shouldn’t have done it,’ Wanda muttered later that day while the others were unpacking and she was alone with Katie. ‘I don’t know what made me ask him and I was only trying to help but now I wish I hadn’t!’
She was almost in tears so Katie hadn’t the heart to make things worse, especially since it had been a big step for her aunt to come at all. ‘Well, it’s too late now and no point worrying. I’ve spoken with Ned and it’s up to the two of us to talk and sort things out,’ Katie said.
