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“Thank you.”
“Can I ask why?” Ginny states. Not judgy but with a certain eye towards some harsh truths.
“Why I sucked off my boyfriend? Or why he broke up with me? Oh god, what if I’m not as good at that as I think and that’s the reason.”
“Valid observation,” Zane says from the archway to the room.
“On the lowest of lows, you still find a way to slide under all of them.”
“It’s a gift.” He smiles at me. Colin tugs at him and pulls him from the bar.
I yell, “Someone warn the town, there’s a raging ego on the loose.”
He ducks his head back in the doorway quickly, “Have a fabulous night, Harpy. Oh, and your skirt is tucked up in your thong. Nice ass.”
My eyes go wide and we all look down and I lean forward and Ginny pulls it free.
I mutter, “Fuck me.” And to him I say, “Thanks, fuck off, Asshole.” He salutes me and disappears.
“Ok, and now everyone at the gas station and the Rampo travel plaza has seen my ass.”
“It is a good one. What’s making you sad about Chad in particular. Explain it to us,” Court says.
I look at their faces and wonder why we’ve never discussed this. I lean forward on my knees. “He made me feel less ordinary, telling people I was engaged to a career gamer made me kind of cool.” Ginny shakes her head and I smack her arm. “I loved him because of it and in spite of it.” I start to cry again.
Ginny smacks my arm. “Are you actively trying to sound pathetic? Trust me, you were the cache in that relationship.”
Court turns back to me. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Not even slightly. I was going to tell Mom and Dad about the job at dinner but you know, the sad puppy text came in.”
“I still don’t get the dog.” Anna looks around as if someone has an explanation.
“And the only emoji you like is soup,” Courtney states and I point repeatedly at her.
“I’m not trying to be melodramatic but I’m homeless and dumped in the cruelest fashion. So far, you’re not helping telling me he’s a loser when I’m the one who was left by this loser who either lied and kind of stole money from me. Look, Court, when you said you wanted to run, I said, let’s go. Where’s the ‘let’s go’ from you?”
Ginny pulls at my sleeve and I pull back. “You’re right. We didn’t mean to pile on.”
“I’ll be at Mom and Dad’s, somehow that’s the most pathetic part of my day. Love you all, got to go.”
Courtney says, “I’m sorry. What can we do? And did you say he stole from you?”
I shake my head, I’m not going into it tonight.
Ginny says, “Stay, let’s eat and forget all this.”
I hug and kiss them and leave all the food because I’m diving into my parent’s wine cellar and mom’s secret stash of peanut M&Ms.
I announce to the bar, “The shaky foundation I’ve built my life on has given way to disaster. Carry on, everyone. Carry on.”
I’ve decided to wrap myself up in self-righteous pity. But first, I need a lot of things from Samuels’ Sweet Shop before it closes. I wonder if anyone has ever ordered a gross ton of gummi butterflies? Guess we’ll find out.
I crack open my sugar and sorrow swollen eyes in the morning and scroll my texts, nothing helpful. Just articles about finding love in your golden years and how to freeze your eggs. Thanks, Mom.
The wallow is a dark, twisty road that must be traveled alone. Doritos never tasted better. Delilah was the only helpful one. ‘He’s taken too much.’ I don’t want to give him one more fucking moment, piece of me or brain cell. I scream into the air.
I’m going to break my cycle. I’m going to turn to gaming this system and speed run my fucking break up steps. Wallow. Done. I yell, “Next!” into the air.
