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The suit guy at the end of the bar is now staring. I’m trying to place the guy through my hazy vision. Like he’s been to the Three-Legged Dog, maybe. I point at him as strangers grind up on me. He stares and then pats his breast pocket the way Sal used to when he was checking -woah! My adrenaline spikes. I try to clear my foggy brain as he stands and leers at me.

I scream and pull her arm away from the men she’s talking to. “Tab!”

“What?!”

I point to the empty spot where he was. “There was a man. He had a gun.”

“Shut your drunk ass up.” I glance around as much as I can and she cackles at me. Something’s not right. A cocktail waitress appears out of nowhere and hands us bottles of water, and my mind is reeling. Tabi puts a hand out to me. I slap it away and stomp towards the exit. I have to shake off the haze. I need to focus. Who was that guy? I leave my water on the bar and head for the exit.

I’m just on the sidewalk, Tabi on my heels. The bouncer hands her another bottle of water and she does the same thing. Top was cracked already, so she throws the bottle away and laughs. I hustle down the sidewalk a bit.

She yells, “Bitch. Stop and answer me. Why didn’t you fuck that guy?”

I toss my hands up and yell, “Because I don’t do that anymore. I don’t do that since him. I don’t want anyone but him, and since that’s never happening again, I’m done with sex.”

“Poppy. You can be anyone you want to be, except this person. I love you and I will deny it so I don’t look like a huge sap, but I miss you so much. We all do. Your mom is out of her head. And you don’t look good in black. You’re the bright and shiny one. I’m broody and misunderstood. Don’t make me be the shiny, cheerful one. It won’t end well for anyone.” I grin as she references the bouncy, happy person I used to be.

The bouncer gives us both unopened water and this time she drinks all of it in one giant swig and so do I. I’m desperate for it. We stare at each other and I contemplate what I should do. Noises and lights are swirling around us and we’re at the edge of some random neighborhood far from the Quarter. The music is thumping my brain hard now.

She’s weaving her way over to me. Maybe she had more than I did. That’s not like Tabi. “He’s gone. I miss him too, not like you, of course. But he’s dead, honey. You’re not. It would kill him to see you throw your entire life away.”

My words run together, but I understand them. My lips feel weird. “I’m having fun. I never did any of these things. I want a turn at fun. Because if I’m not doing this then I don’t know who to be if I’m not his.”

Tears spring to Tabi’s eyes. “I know.” She moves to hug me but stumbles backward. I have to get her to my house. I’ll get us a car and try to keep her upright. I reach for her and that guy, the gun guy, is down the street.

“Tabi, bad man back.” I slur at her.

She pulls herself up laughing, but now we’re leaning on each other as if all the shit we drank tonight has hit us at once.

She drunkenly whispers, “I’ll take care of gun guy.”

The door guy stares us down as I point to the alleyway and I slur, “He’s there!” I stumble with my phone and call a car and hope it takes us home. The world is not right side up.

She’s babbling and I let her. The car is five minutes out and I’m looking around. There’s someone else in a dark suit and it doesn’t feel right. It’s 2000 degrees, but he’s dressed like the secret service. I’m annihilated and don’t trust myself right now. “Tab. Is that another guy in a suit?”

“Troubadour!” She raises her head momentarily.

A car lurches up and says my name. I get in and the city whizzes by taking us back to the Quarter and my little house at 933 St. Louis Street. We arrive and I get out. Tabi doesn’t. Shit. I go around to the passenger side and wrench open her door. She’s sound asleep.

“Tabi.” My words are all one but I shake her. “TabithaMeiraCostasAganosSchroeder. Get up.” Her head bobs over and I think something’s wrong. I duck my head into the car to ask the driver for help and he’s gone. Why would he give us his car?

And then someone grabs me around my collarbone, and a dark bag comes over my head. There’s a voice that says, “You’ll be fine.” I want to puke and then there’s a prick in my neck. My phone drops and the last thing I remember is, I’m slumping and getting kidnapped.

Chapter

Twenty

Poppy

Slowly, I lift my head. I’m on a bed. Is it my bed? I try to open my eyes, but sleep sounds better. Is it a bed? I lick my lips. It’s cool here and bright. Better air than my place. I can’t work it out and I drift off. I can’t lift my arms. I need to sleep.

I crack my eyes. I’m in a chair, not laying down. And sleep calls me again.

I’m so thirsty. My brain is foggy, and I think it’s hung over. I roll over and my hand hits a shelf. I don’t have a shelf. I try to find my water bottle while I squeeze my eyes tight and then blink them open, trying to clear away the darkness. I squint and try to peel apart my glitter lashes as they tangle in each other. I have to get the stuff to take them off. Bathroom. I need to pee. I reach for my water again, but there’s no table. It’s bright in this room and there are hoses. Oh, god is this a Dexter situation? If I don’t die, Tabi is dead. My head is so heavy with everything I filled it with last night.

Then it all starts to snap together. This isn’t my bed. I’m in my clothes, but there’s a t-shirt over me I don’t recognize. I keep my eyes closed as I assess. My mind is moving much faster than before. Or maybe I’m not actually awake.

I’m assaulted by sensation, and it’s overwhelming as I try to get a hold on reality. The dreaded smell enveloping me is a delusion of a man that is the depths of my pain. I groan and curl into a ball because I’m going to cry. The scent is overwhelming cedar and Bergamot. That musky orange and cedar smell is going to kill me. Or maybe I am dead and this is my hell, having to evoke his smell for the rest of my life.