Page 15

The dining room was unrecognisable. Tables and chairs were scattered, and the floor was a mess of food, blood and shit. Laurie started shaking and the man put his hand on her arm.

‘It looks worse than it is. No one’s dead yet. Let’s get you to your car.’

‘Laurie!’

She turned to see Denise and Shelley teetering towards her. They looked surprisingly fine, except that the top of Shelley’s dress had been lowered to the edge of her areola. Shelley took the officer’s hand from Laurie’s arm and clutched it to her chest.

‘Thank you for bringing our baby back to us. You’re our hero. Is there any way we can thank you, Mr…?’

The man tugged his hand back. ‘I’ll escort you to your car. Stay close.’

Denise pushed Laurie out of the way to get nearer the man with all the guns, but he stepped forward. ‘I need you behind me.’

He led them back to the car park and they got into Laurie’s car. She started it up.

‘Thank you, Mr Bond,’ said Shelley. ‘You’ve saved our lives.’

The man bent down to Laurie. ‘There’s a checkpoint at the front gate. You need to stop there, okay?’

She nodded.

He pulled out a radio. ‘Silver Ford Fusion leaving now with three females. Stand by for names and index number.’

Laurie pulled out onto the long drive and Shelley and Denise collapsed into shrieks of laughter.

‘Oh my god, Shell, did you cop a load of him?’

‘Bloody hell, yes. He just reversed the menopause!’

Laurie gripped the steering wheel tighter and gritted her teeth. Once Shelley and Denise had discussed every way they would have shagged Mr Armed Response, their attention turned to her.

‘Where the hell did you disappear off to? You abandoned us,’ accused Shelley.

‘Yeah,’ grumbled Denise. ‘We were worried sick.’

‘Ben said you were safe in the walk-in fridge.’

There was a pause long enough for Denise and Shelley to do some mental maths.

‘Ooooh! You were with Ben, were you?’

‘Were you giving him a lecture on health and safety?’

The banks of tolerance alongside River Laurie burst.

‘Shut up! Shut up, the pair of you. I was terrified. And yes, I was with Ben. I was shagging him. I didn’t have a birthday kiss, I had a birthday bang, and it was fucking awesome. Now don’t say another word, or so help me god, I’m going to stop the car right now and you can both walk home.’

They were silent the rest of the journey.

BEN: Sabrina, how’s the date going? I’ve just met and lost the love of my life in a Jumanji near-death experience. Having a bit of trouble sleeping.

TABI: Yeah, yeah, Ben. Stop trying to steal Bree’s thunder. Just because the hottest thing in your life is an Excel spreadsheet.

TRISTAN: Did you cop off with your business meeting? Robert someone-or-other? Fair play, mate.

TABI: And did you forget your safe word?

BEN: No! Her name is Laurie and she’s everything I ever dreamed a woman could be.