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Now I had a five-year-old sitting in front of me, listening closely enough to catch every bad word that came out of my mouth, and I realized I was learning this fatherhood shit in reverse. I couldn’t go back and be there for the years I missed, but I could damn sure start paying attention to the kind of example I was giving him now.

I dragged a hand over the back of my neck. “You know what? You right, son.”

Kaidence puffed his little chest out, clearly pleased with himself, as if he’d just made a very important point.

“But don’t get too excited. Bad words ain’t for kids, and just because you hear me say ’em don’t mean you get to.”

“Why do you get to?”

“Because I’m grown.”

“That doesn’t sound fair.”

“It ain’t.” I shrugged. “Being grown comes with benefits and a lot of responsibilities.”

He thought about that for a second. “So, when I’m grown, I can say bad words?”

I pointed at him.

“Don’t rush your life trying to cuss or be grown. Stay a child as long as you can, son. You only get to be five one time. Listen to me,” I said, my voice more serious now. “Daddy done lived a certain kind of life. That don’t mean you gotta live it too. Matter fact, I don’t want you to.”

Kaidence tilted his head, listening. “What kind of life did you live?”

“A dangerous one,” I admitted, with no hesitation.

His eyes widened immediately. “Like Batman dangerous? Or Spider-Man dangerous?”

A laugh slipped out of me. “Nah, son. Nothing that cool. Batman got gadgets, and Spider-Man can climb walls. Daddy was dealing with real-life dangerous.”

“Did you fight bad guys?”

I paused. “Sometimes. Sometimes I probably was the bad guy, depending on who you asked.”

That made his little face scrunch up as he tried to make sense of it.

“Look, the point is, I had money, people knew my name, and I was good at what I did, but that life came with a lot of shit I don’t want for you. I want better for you. I want you to go to school, learn everything you can, and figure out what you’re good at. If you wanna go to college, go. If you wanna start your own company one day, do that. Build something… own something. Hell, invent something nobody thought of yet. I don’t care what it is as long as you doing something with yourself and staying out these streets.”

His little brows pulled together. “What streets?”

I almost laughed.

Of course that was the part he caught.

“Not the actual street outside, son. I mean grown-folks business you ain’t gotta worry about right now.”

“Oh. Well, I could own a superhero company.”

“You can, son,” I said, nodding in agreement.

“You also said another bad word when you were just talking.”

I chuckled. “Man, you really not gon’ let me live this down, huh?”

“Accountability, Daddy. That’s what Mommy says all the time.”

“Once again, you’re right, son. And your mama is also right. But I need you to promise me something. Don’t ever think being hard makes you a man, don’t think having people scared of you makes you important, and don’t ever let anybody convince you that doing wrong is the only way for you to have money or be somebody. You understand me?”

Kaidence nodded slowly. “Yes, sir.”