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Who the Heart Chooses

Page 110

by Harlow James

Hudson turns his back on us. “I am not entertaining this conversation.”

Ava waves him off. “Not sure when he became such a prude, but here we are.” Her eyes meet mine again. “These are things you have to think about as parents, Easton. Our job is to educate and teach our kids about the human experience. The more open and honest you can be with them about what it’s like to be human, the better, in my opinion.”

“Can’t say I disagree, Ava.”

She reaches for my forearm, resting her hand there. “And that’s why you’re my favorite son-in-law.”

“What about Matthew?” I ask, mentioning Sloane’s husband.

“Hard to have a relationship with the man when he’s all the way across the country and refuses to visit.” She shrugs. “Doesn’t matter, though. You’re here, and you’ve always been my favorite of all the boys Lennon has brought around.” Her eyes drift to Lennon. “And now you’re having a baby together, and I can’t help but feel this wave of pride because I know you two are going to be amazing parents.”

Ava’s faith in me and our relationship sours my stomach. “Thank you, Ava,” I say, even though I’m filled with self-loathing because she doesn’t realize how tumultuous our marriage is, or that our relationship isn’t real.

“Of course. Just make sure you and Lennon don’t set your relationship aside once that baby comes. It takes months to regain your footing and build a new foundation for your marriage, but as long as you put each other first, you’ll be okay.”

I look back at Lennon, who’s laughing with her sisters. Blair pulls her into a hug and kisses the top of her head as Nora rubs Lennon’s bump. They look so happy and carefree. Meanwhile, I’m struggling to explain my frustration. “I’m worried about her. She’s putting so much fucking pressure on herself… Fighting to finish the program early is ambitious, and…”

“It’s important to her,” Ava says, cutting me off. “And part of me thinks she’s using it as a distraction from the reality that she’s about to be a mom.” Ava clasps her hands on the table, still watching her kids. “I can’t blame her. Motherhood is overwhelming enough. Once that baby comes, you’ll have more responsibility than you ever imagined. But you’ll also feel more love than you ever thought possible.”

The only love I know is what I feel for Mom, Owen, and Lennon—the girl I loved as a teen and the woman I want to love for the rest of my life, if only she’d let me.

I asked her last night if she could ever see me differently, and she said she didn’t know.

It wasn’t a flat-out no, but it wasn’t a yes either.

It was more uncertainty, and that makes the ache in my chest deepen.

“She’s going to give so much of herself to that baby, Easton. Your job is to make sure someone gives just as much to her.”

I meet Ava’s eyes. “I’ve already given myself to her, Ava.” The honesty scares me. “She’s held my attention far longer than either of us has admitted.”

But it’s the honest-to-God truth. That woman has owned me for so long, I’m not sure I ever truly distanced myself from her presence or the thought of her, even when I thought that I had.

Ava smirks. “Oh, I know you have, Easton. I’m just waiting for my daughter to realize she can let you in completely, and that it doesn’t make her any less strong to lean on someone.” She nods. “But she’ll get there. I think the love you two share will help her accept this new life. She’s the daughter who takes a while to figure things out. She needs time. She always has. But once she decides, she’ll know what’s right for her—and for you too.”

Time.

Maybe Ava is right.

I just need to give her time. If this marriage is meant to last, the truth will come out in the end.

***

Lennon lets out another big yawn from the chair beside me. “I don’t think I can keep my eyes open much longer.”

Hudson glances at James, slumped in his chair, asleep and oblivious to the chatter around him. “Yeah, I’d better get this kid to bed too. He wore himself out tonight, but he’ll be full of energy and ready to go in the morning.”

Blair rises from her chair and stretches her arms toward the sky. “I’m wiped too. Come on, Nora. Let’s go hit the hay.”

As Lennon stands, Nora walks over, hugs her good night, and rests a hand on her stomach. They smile down at the small bump. “Good night, little one,” Nora says. “I hope you’re enjoying your first camping trip.”

Lennon’s smile widens, but when she turns to me, it slowly fades. “Uh…ready to go to bed?”

I stand and grab my water bottle from beside the chair. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

Lennon and I walk to the campground bathrooms to brush our teeth, and once we’re zipped inside the tent, last night’s tension returns.

Once we’re under the blankets, I’m unsettled to find far less room between us on this queen-sized mattress than I anticipated. But nothing compares to my California king at home.