Page 64

“I told you. It’s in the file, didn’t you read it?” Jess huffed as she stood.

“I saw your underwear.” Lex gave Jess a flat stare that she only returned with a grin.

“And I had to see your butthole!” She pointed at Lex as Bitty squeaked as if she were about to faint.

“Ohhh! Lucky! You got to witness an alpha omega coupling! What was the knot like? I imagine they’re pretty veiny and unpleasant looking, not like the smooth, swollen orb we tend to think.” She tilted her head and glanced at me with hopeful eyes.

“Jess, what the fuck?” I glanced away from the rude girl to her and earned a shit-eating grin.

“Bitty, meet Zeke. And, Lexi? Meet Bitty,” Jess said with a gesture. “She’s a huge fan.”

“Fan?” Lex asked at the same time as me, stuffing his sweater down.

“Bitty is an extra. She’s a carmine, parents were archivists. She can tolerate dives, but she agreed to come help with things—babyproofing and protection.” Jess beamed. “She’s also a deus.”

“I want to be a nanny! Hi! I’m volunteering. I’m aligned with the archivist’s society and receive my stipend. Mesmer cleared me to take this on as my project.” She bounced on the balls of her feet. “Yes. I have a degree in fine arts from NYU. I have excellent references. I will protect this baby with my life. I speak four languages fluently, can play piano, violin, bass, cello, and Appalachian mountain dulcimer.”

“Dare I ask about the last one?”

“I got bored one month and found one for sale at a historical reenactment fair. Took me a few days to get the hang of, but they’re twangy and fun!” She gushed, still bouncing on her feet. “Oh! And I trained with a Michelin star chef for a summer! I can cook nicely. I read in the file that you have dietary restrictions! Very familiar with that. What hechsher?”

“Uh… I mean. I—” Lex flustered. “Reform. Oh. Um…”

She tilted her head, doglike in excitement. “Hm?”

“Just, kosher style. I don’t keep full—just no pork and shellfish… No milk and meat kinda deal. Lazy kosher.” His cheeks flushed brilliantly pink at having to explain it.

“Wonderful!” She clapped her hands. “Oh! I’m also a Woman Candidate Master of chess. I think I could have made it to International, but I got bored of chess after a while.”

Lex coughed. “Um. I think you’re overqualified to—”

“Noooo!” She practically wailed as Lex rebutted, reaching for his hand with a death grip. “Please! I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life!”

Lex, eyes wide, blinked and glanced over at Jess who mouthed something I couldn’t make out.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Lex wilted before staring at me. “She’s a fujoshi!”

“Uh, what country is—” I racked my brain trying to figure out what the deal was.

“I mean, technically I would be a hujo, but yes! Oh my gawd, this is my biggest dream!” She bounced on her feet.

“To be a nanny?” I glanced at everyone in confusion.

“No, to be an omegaverse nanny! This is my dream.” She practically vibrated. “I’m going to be the only deus author with a real alpha omega pair to get inspiration from.”

“Jess?” Lex gave her one of those commiserating stares, seeking validation.

“I know she’s kind of a lot, but once she calms down, she’ll be your absolute best friend.” Jess waved her hands.

Bitty made a shrill noise not unlike that of air slowly being released from a balloon.

“I—”

“She’ll cost you nothing, and Mesmer is making sure whatever house he buys you has one of those mother-in-law units in it.” Jess gave us a pleading smile, hands raising up with a gentle shake to urge us to calm down.

“She came after me with a poker! I’ve not even had my coffee!” I growled and smacked my forehead with the heel of my hand.

“I thought you were an intruder come to attack Jess…” Bitty turned to stare at me with big, innocent eyes.