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He comes up to my shoulder now—I finally had a growth spurt over the Easter break. Da says I’m gonna be a big bugger by the time I’m eighteen. I think it would be weird if I got taller than him; Da’s always been a giant to me.

Theo finally comes into view, running over to us. “Are we going to the harbour today?” he puffs, trying to catch his breath. Usually when we get out of school early on a Friday, Theo’s da, John, picks us up and drives us to the harbour, where we wait for my da’s boat to come in. Sometimes he finishes early because of the weather, or trawlers and dredgers messing up the diving grounds.

“Maybe,” I say as we start walking towards John’s car. “It rained a lot earlier, so he may have come home early.”

The three of us squish into the back seat, Theo pinned between me and Isla.

“Hey Da, are we going to the harbour?” Theo asks.

John looks back at us through the rear-view mirror. His eyes are red and watery, and I wonder if he’s sick. Maybe it’s hay fever; he does sneeze a lot in the springtime.

“No, kid, we’re not going to the harbour today.” His voice sounds strange, and I frown at his reflection.

We drive straight to Isla and Theo’s grandparents’ farm, which is also strange. When Isla gets out of the car, John says her ma will pick her up in a few hours. Usually, Isla comes back to mine while she waits for her ma.

The rest of the drive is spent in silence. I have a weird feeling in my stomach. Something’s not right. John’s never quiet. Isla’s never taken to her grandparents’. I want to know what’s going on, but I’m too afraid to ask.

John doesn’t take the turn for my house. He keeps driving until we get to Theo’s road.

“What’s happening?” I finally ask when John pulls over.

He opens the door and nods to the house. “Come inside, Robbie.”

I don’t like this. I refuse to move from the car, glancing over at Theo. He looks between me and his da with a frown.

“Ellen’s waiting. We need to talk to you, son, but you need to come inside first. Please.” John crouches beside me, but I can’t look at him.

My hands shake as I unclip my seatbelt. I’m six years old again. Ma and Da are telling me they need to talk to me. It’s cancer. Terminal. Then, seven years old. Da telling me he needs to speak to me. Ma died. She went peacefully and wasn’t in pain.

Now John is telling me he needs to talk to me, and Da’s not here.

Acid rises in my throat. I swallow, climbing out of the car, and mechanically follow John and Theo inside. I can’t focus on anything except the ringing in my ears as I’m led through to the front room, where I’m sat down next to Ellen. Theo sits on my other side quietly, as if he can also feel how charged the air is in the room. He pushes himself against my side, and I lean into him.

John lets out a puff of air and runs a hand through his hair. I stare at him wide-eyed.

“There was an accident out at sea, kid.”

My stomach drops, and I know for sure now what he’s about to say. If Da had been hurt and was in hospital, then John would have taken me straight there—not here. My hands tighten into fists.

Say it.

Just say it.

“Your da … he died. I’m sorry, Robbie.”

Everything goes numb.

I don’t hear anything Ellen says as she strokes my hair and holds me close. I can’t look at Theo because he’s shaking and crying. I don’t know why. It’s not his da who died. He still has both his parents, and now I have none. I hate him for it, and I want to shove him off me.

No parents …

They both left me.

“You’re going to live with us, alright? We’ll look after you, Robbie. We’re not going anywhere, we love you so much,” Ellen murmurs as she kisses my head, squeezing me tighter.

I nod, but I don’t believe her. Eventually, they’ll die too and leave me. So will Theo and Isla.

Everyone will die until I’m all that’s left.