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I shake my head, terrified of what will happen if I do. It’s been too long since I’ve given myself any pleasure, let alone allowed someone else to. My eyes prickle, and Robbie’s face blurs out of focus.

“You’re allowed, Noah, you don’t have to hold it in. You can come for me.”

I can’t do this. The pressure building inside me is too much. I’m suddenly too aware of my body.

My spine tingles, and I go rigid as my orgasm hits me with the force of a sledgehammer. I squeeze my thighs tight, crying out as my cock pulses, cum flooding my jock.

Robbie’s movements falter, his fingers digging into my arse cheeks. His cock twitches inside me, and he lets out a deep groan as he comes into the condom.

I’m barely holding myself together as he catches his breath and lowers me to the floor. My body’s shaking and my heart’s racing. I don’t know how to process this. I feel sensitive all over and I hate it.

I shove him. “I told you not to do that!”

“Noah …” Robbie’s eyebrows crease in confusion at my outburst.

“I shouldn’t have—I didn’t want to do that.” The sticky residue in my jock starts to cool, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I want it off.

“I’m sorry, you seemed like you needed⁠—”

Turning on my heel, I storm out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

By the time I get out of the shower and roughly towel-dry my hair, I’ve calmed down a fraction. At least enough to realise it wasn’t Robbie’s fault.

I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror, watching water drip from my fringe into the sink. I struggle to recognise myself. My eyes are bright, and there’s colour in my cheeks. There are bruises on the backs of my arms and thighs, but the guilt I usually feel about them doesn’t come. I trace the marks gently for a while before stepping out of the bathroom.

Robbie’s bedroom door opens. He leans against the frame, now dressed in red-check pyjama bottoms.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks gently.

“No.”

“Do you want to come to bed?”

Swallowing, I glance towards the spare room. “I think I’m going to sleep on my own tonight.”

Robbie sighs and rubs a hand over his face. “Noah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go against what you wanted.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine, I just … I want to be on my own.” Before he has a chance to say anything further, I go into the spare room, closing the door behind me.

I lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Barely two minutes go by before my phone starts to vibrate, every notification making my chest grow tight with guilt and my stomach twist with shame. I set it to silent before slamming it back down on the bedside table.

The sun is shining in the beer garden, unnaturally hot for a June afternoon. There were no nightmares last night, and I slept better than I have in what feels like years.

It should be a good thing. I should feel well rested and happy that I slept a solid nine hours. But all I can think about is that it’s been a couple of nights since I’ve seen or felt Jamie, and I’m starting to think it might be Robbie’s fault.

“So, can we go home now the wedding’s done?” I ask Jake.

“We technically have till Friday.” He hands me a tonic and lime before taking a seat opposite. “If you want to go early, you can. I can drive you to the bus stop, but I’m pretty sure Bailey will want to stay as long as possible because of the whole Theo situation. And I have some … unfinished business.”

I groan internally but keep my face straight. “It was just a suggestion. I’ll stay till Friday, it’s fine,” I mutter. My plan to leave today was impulsive anyway, driven by the need to get as far away from Robbie as I can. I could get the bus, but just the thought of sharing a small space with strangers is already making my skin crawl.

“What have you been up to, anyway?” I ask.

He suddenly finds his beer incredibly interesting. “I’ve been helping Luke plan a garden renovation.”

“Bullshit.”

His head snaps up. He glares at me, his fingers going straight to his septum piercing to fiddle with it. He’s so shit at lying; I don’t know why he’s bothering. It’s not hard to put one and two together and make three. One being Jake, two being Luke and Katie, and three being⁠—