Page 35

But this … this feels right. It feels safe and familiar. All the pent-up energy inside me trickles away. I lean into him and allow myself to want for once, focusing on his large, warm hand encasing mine and his heart beating beneath his ribs.

A thought crosses my mind.

I want Robbie.

I want him, but I can’t keep him—my brain won’t let me have that. I don’t deserve that, and he wouldn’t want me anyway. Like Rich said, if I want a quick fuck, then Robbie’s my guy. Knowing he might hurt me in a different way to how other men have in the past doesn’t put me off. In fact, it settles something inside me.

One last thump on that self-destruction button before I leave for good.

ROBBIE

“I wanted to say sorry for yesterday. I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you after you told me not to touch you. I respect that you said no, and I won’t do it again,” I blurt when I have Noah in my arms.

“You’re touching me right now,” he mumbles.

“I’m hoping dancing is an exception. Do you want to stop?”

He lets out a deep sigh, his face buried in my chest, and I stop breathing altogether. He’s loose in my hold, and I’m scared to say anything else in case he pulls away. Several songs come and go, and I try not to think about how perfectly Noah’s body fits against mine, or how hot his breath is against my chest. I try not to think about how addictive it is that he’s letting me take control as I lead him around the dance floor.

I try. That’s what counts, right?

This might be the last time I see him before he goes back home. The realisation hits me deep in the chest, and once it does, I can’t stop thinking about it. Bailey’s here, which means Noah can go to Theo’s tonight and have his old bed buddy back. Then he’ll be going home to Cumbria to return to his life.

I barely knew Noah before he came to the island. A few nights sharing a bed shouldn’t make the thought of him leaving feel like this—like I’m losing him.

“Take me back to yours.” Noah lifts his head to stare up at me. His brow is furrowed, and determination glints in his eyes. This feels different from the last time he asked that question. My stomach churns, and I’m not sure if it’s from excitement or fear.

Tell him no. He’s going to leave soon anyway, just rip the band-aid off now.

I scan the room, seeking out Richard so he can tell me I’m not allowed to go near his little brother, but he’s nowhere to be found. I find Theo, though, on the edge of the dance floor, nearly devouring Bailey whole for everyone to see. He breaks the kiss and grabs his hand, pulling him through the crowd and out of the barn.

Great. No Richard, no Theo. Looking around the room, I can’t find Isla, either. Seriously, I need someone to stop me because I can’t tell Noah no. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell him no.

I glance back down at him. Noah’s eyes drop to my mouth, and he lifts his hand, poking my piercing with his fingertip.

Fuck me.

Nothing has to happen.

Nothing is going to happen.

I can absolutely behave myself.

After I drive us home, Noah silently heads upstairs, and I go to the kitchen to fill two glasses with water before following him. He hasn’t said anything, so maybe I’m just overthinking this. Noah couldn’t go back to Theo’s because he and Bailey are making up. That’s the logical explanation, not that Noah’s feelings for me have changed.

I place the glasses on top of the chest of drawers, then shrug off my jacket, undressing for bed. I’m on the last button of my white shirt when I hear the dull thud of clothing hitting the floor behind me, and I have to physically restrain myself from looking over at Noah.

“Fuck me.”

My fingers freeze on the buckle of my kilt, and in the silence that follows, I dare to turn around. Noah’s standing with a hand on his hip, wearing only a baby-pink jock, and my eyes are instantly drawn down the length of his body to the subtle curve of his hips.

“What?” I say on a breath, my heart thumping in my chest. Warmth trickles through my body like a caress, settling in my cock.

“You can fuck me. I know you want to,” he says coyly.

I laugh nervously. “I’m not fucking you.”

He walks towards me, and I back away. He’s messing with me. Any minute now he’ll say he’s just joking and find it hilarious that I got flustered. My back hits the wall; there’s nowhere left to go. He places a hand on my chest, digging his nails in as he scratches down to my abs.