Page 2

You promised me.

I eye the half-empty liquor bottle I can’t live without. Because when I drink enough to almost kill myself, he at least still comes to me. I can already see him walking toward me as the rain soaks his clothes. His black hair sliding over his broad shoulders, teasing his sharp cheekbones. I wipe at my tear-streaked face. I can feel my eyelids drooping while I stare at his mouth and lean my temple against the cold wet pillar. He keeps walking toward me. I want to reach out, to caress his face, to kiss the lips that used to tell me the lies that made me believe I was living. His lip tips up in a smirk and my breath hitches.

I missed you.

I love you.

I hate you.

Reaching out, I smile wanting to touch his skin like I used to. To trace the lines of the scars on his face like a map.

Please don’t leave me again.

Please kill me, Moon.

Make the pain go away.

The corner of his mouth hikes up in that half smile that holds so much. Disdain, curiosity, disgust, but above all indifference.

“I miss you,” I whisper hoping my voice will be carried by the wind. “Do you hear me?” I yell at the looming figure in front of me. His all-black suit hugs his muscles, his thighs, his broad back. That impressive frame that used to pin me down to get what he wanted, is now nothing but a mere illusion. Why doesn’t he say anything? Why does he keep looking at me? Why did he hate me so much?

“Why did you do this to me? Why did you make me like this?” I ask while he takes a step toward me. I try to sit up but the drugs and alcohol I ingested are clouding my mind.

He cocks his head to the side and stares at me while he places his knee on the wooden floor between my spread legs, to caress my cheek.

“I miss you so much,” I hiccup as tears keep streaming down my face. “Why did you do it?” I lean into his touch to kiss his palm. He captures my gaze and shakes his head still not saying anything. “I miss you every day. Why did you leave me?” I sob.

“You promised me, Moon. You promised you wouldn’t leave. You broke me.”

He keeps looking at me, not saying anything and I feel myself getting angrier as the rain keeps pouring down like my tears. The corner of his mouth twitches, it’s like he wants me to hurt, to destroy me all over again.

“You promised me I only belonged to you,” I seethe. But the bastard keeps staring at me not saying anything.

“You lied,” I wail burying my face against his chest. Inhaling his scent mixed with the rain. He’s so cold. I gasp when I feel something drip down my chin. Why does a copper scent fill my nose?

I lean back and a silent scream gets locked in my throat as I watch lines of blood trickle down his face over the scars, from his eyes down to his mouth. He smiles at me, his teeth red with blood.

“Because you disgust me,” he tells me while his hand disappears in my hair, plunging the knife in my heart.

“Close your eyes, bǎobèi,” he whispers against my ear. “I’ll make the pain go away.”

Gazing up at him I recognize the look in his eyes, the torture of loving him too much until it destroyed me. That’s the price I had to pay for loving the dark side of the moon.

I open my eyes as the nightmare fades away, the rain making me shiver. I stare at the scar on my wrists, still red like a string of fate tying me to him in this life and the next.

Let me go.

Come find me.

“Don’t leave me,” I beg as the rain covers me.

A sob escapes from my chapped lips while I fall back against the wood. The rain hits my face over and over, like his hands once did. I close my eyes, letting the pain engulf me.

“What’s your definition of happiness?” I hear Moon’s voice echoing through my mind while the weight of his body held me down until I couldn’t breathe.

“That you exist,” I whisper, the storm drowning me until only silence remains.

I hate you.