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I stand upright, taking in a deep breath, trying to gather myself. “I’m not afraid,” I lie.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to pretend with me.”

“I’m not pretending.” And would you look at that, I’m lying again.

“Whatever you say, but all that rocking back and forth on your tiptoes tells me otherwise. It’s also making me dizzy.”

I stop rocking and stand firm on the ground. “Sorry. It’s just, this sucks. I swear, I could kill who’s responsible for this. I just want things to get back to normal.”

“Normal is boring,” Rennix counters. “Now, why don’t you be my good girl and walk those pretty feet over to that shelf covered in cobwebs and dust them off?”

“Keep going.”

“You like?”

“Mhmmmmm,” I hum.

He lets out a sigh that travels through the earbud and down to my stomach, twisting it in knots. “I thought seeing you happy and thriving would be enough for me. But hearing you like this, knowing that I’m responsible, it’s more than I could’ve imagined. It makes me wish I could kiss you again.”

“I wish you could too.”

Rennix growls, soft and primal. “All over.”

As much as I want to stay in this fantasy. I’d rather not tease myself any more with something I can’t have.

“What am I looking for?” I’m barely able to get the words out.

A long-winded sigh scratches at my eardrum. “There should be a shelf of VHS recordings labeled Security. Look for the one that says October 13th, 2006.”

I find the VHS and insert it in the VCR next to the stack of security tapes.

Grainy footage fills the small TV screen. Barely two minutes in, I came to the harrowing conclusion that as much as I knew Rennix cared for me, I actually had not even the slightest of clues just how much or how deep that level of care went.

And if you thought this was all just a silly, nostalgic, millennial-coded good time…brace yourself.

I wish I did.

Rennix

THE PAST

THE DAY HE SLIPPED AWAY…

I stopped believing in miracles a long time ago.

Being let down more times than you can keep track of will do that to a person.

I realized that if there’s air in my lungs life will be whatever it is. A series of misfortunes. An endless supply of highs and lows. A mirage incapable of showing its true colors until it’s too late.

I accepted this.

I was okay with it until two words changed my perspective.

“I’m dying.”

She must’ve said it twenty times over. Each time it would go through one ear, linger in my mind for a second to process, then it traveled down to my heart, stabbing it. Every time she repeated herself, the shock increased and it added to the brick being pounded into my chest.

I didn’t understand.