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I snort. “That’s probably it. You know you’re going to leave a wet ass mark on the table when you get up, right?”

Emma peeks beneath her. “Oh well.”

“What time do you have practice today?” I ask, shoveling a spoonful of chocolate fudge with peanut butter ice cream into my mouth.

“Three-thirty. We’ll head back after this.”

Emma becomes quiet. Her demeanor has shifted at the mention of the life waiting for her when she returns. I know she hasn’t contacted anyone all day. No one knows where she is. Didn’t consider that until this second.

“Are you worried?”

“I’ll have some explaining to do.” She grimaces.

“To Rachel? She won’t even be home.”

“No. To Evan.” She bites at her lip. I haven’t thought about his reaction. “He’s probably been freaking out all day since I didn’t show up at school.”

“Oh,” is all I got. It’s strange being on the other side of it. If Sadie was out of school all day, I wouldn’t think twice. But she’d try so hard, unsuccessfully, to do the same when I’d disappear. Emma’s me in this scenario. So, Evan’s probably going out of his mind. “What are you going to say?”

“I don’t know.” She’s quiet for a moment. “The truth, I guess.”

“And he’ll be okay with that? That you spent the day with me?” I didn’t think she’d lie about it. But Evan doesn’t know me. We’ve only met a couple of times. Never really had a chance to get to know each other.

Does he know I’m the guy she calls in the middle of the night when she can’t sleep? And I’m the one who helps her tuck her drunk mother into bed? Doubt it. But I can guarantee he knows something’s going on between us, even if he doesn’t know the details. And I’m trying not to read into the fact that she tells me secrets he doesn't know.

If I were him, I wouldn’t trust me.

“Why wouldn’t he be?” Emma shrugs it off. “He trusts me, and it’s not like you, and I have a history or anything. I mean, we’re… friends.”

“Yeah,” I reply. It’s the boundary we created around this relationship. But it’s deeper than that, and she knows it. “You’re right. I guess I probably wouldn’t be as okay with it if I were him. But I don’t trust very easily either.”

“You have a hard time getting close to people, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” I shoot her a curious look. Her face brightens, like a lightbulb lit up above her head. “I suppose I do. No one really gets me, and I guess I’m afraid—” I stop talking.

Emma saw it when I didn’t. How could I not? I’ve said it on repeat my entire life. She waits for me to say it, to admit my fear. But I can’t.

I stand and toss my sundae in the trash. My pulse is racing. I can’t be here anymore.

“Jonathan!” Emma calls after me as I stride across the lot. “Jonathan!” She grabs hold of my arm as I approach the motorcycle. “Jonathan, stop.”

“We should get you back so you’re not late,” I say, the muscles in my jaw ticking.

“Look at me,” she says quietly, her hand on my arm. “Come on, please.”

I take a breath and face her, but I can’t meet her eyes—knowing she’ll easily be able to read me.

“You can tell me,” she implores gently. “Jonathan, what is it? What are you afraid of?”

“You know what I’m afraid of,” I reply curtly.

“Did you? I mean, before now, did you know that’s what it was?”

I force myself to meet her eyes and shake my head. Emma slides her hand into mine and squeezes, like she knows what it took to admit it. To finally see the truth that’s been staring at me every day.

I walk over to the wooden fence and lean against it, needing a minute to let it settle over me.

“It makes sense. I mean, I haven’t been in a real relationship since Sadie, not until Rachel—and that wasn’t supposed to happen the way it did. I mean, it was never supposed to be a relationship. That’s probably why we couldn’t stay together after she told me she loved me. I couldn’t do it.”