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“Who are Jason and Izzy?”
“They’re stranded here, too. They’re nice people.”
“Well, that’s great, but you’ve lost a lot of time, honey. Dad has been checking the forecast and the road clearing and he thinks you can easily be here in time for tea. Isn’t that great? I’d given up all hope of you arriving in time for Christmas but it’s all coming together. We can’t wait to see you.”
“Mom—” Brooke tried to interrupt but her mother was in full flow.
“We’ll settle you in, then we can have a walk to see the Christmas lights in the village and then do the girls’ stockings and—”
“Mom!” Brooke spoke more sharply than she intended and then sat down hard on the window seat. “Mom, we won’t be coming to you for Christmas, but we’ll come the day after.” Even as she said the words she realised she hadn’t checked with Mabel that she was happy for them to stay, but her instincts told her that Mabel would welcome the company for Christmas Day.
Her mother, she knew, would be less positive.
She braced herself, feeling like the worst person in the world.
“There’s no need to wait that long. They’ve done an incredible job clearing roads around here—they started at dawn. Do you want to speak to your father? He can reassure you. He spoke to Bob first thing this morning. Do you remember Bob? He used to be the road commissioner, and he still has his contacts. He really thinks you’ll be—”
“It’s not the roads.” She paused. “Actually, it is partly the roads. The reason we’re here and stranded is because I was so desperate to get home to you and Dad that I made bad choices. We never should have left the airport hotel. It wasn’t safe. I put my family in danger, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. And I did it because I knew how disappointed you’d be if we didn’t make it home. But I’m not doing that again.”
“But it’s different now. The visibility is perfect. The roads are—”
“I’ve made a decision. Not an easy one, but I’ve made it.” She gripped the phone tightly. “The girls are settled, Mom. They’re having fun here. Even if our car is drivable, which I can’t be sure about because Matt hasn’t tried to dig it out yet, I don’t want to put them in a freezing car on Christmas Eve and disrupt them again.” She breathed. “We’re going to spend Christmas Day here and then we will come to you the day after.” She almost said “on Boxing Day” but stopped herself in time. No doubt her mother would take it as yet more evidence that she’d left behind her heritage for her new British life.
“I’m glad they’re settled and happy, but Brooke, we don’t see much of you, honey, and—”
“I need to talk to you about that.”
“Oh?” Her mother’s tone brightened. “Are you and Matt moving here? Your father sent him a job last month that he thought could be interesting. We’ve been looking forward to talking to you about it.”
This had to be the hardest phone call she’d ever made. The hardest conversation she’d ever had.
She looked outside and saw Elsie lifting Poppy up so that she could put a hat on the snowman, staggering under the weight of her wriggling sister. She saw Matt reach out to take her from Elsie before she could fall and smiled as he swung Poppy high in the air until she laughed aloud.
Her little family. Her life.
“We won’t be moving back to the US, Mom. Our life is in London now. It’s my home. Our home. And I know that’s hard to hear. I know how hard this move has been for you.” Her voice was clogged. “I love you both very much, you know that, but I can’t carry on like this. Every time we talk, you bring it up. The moment we step through the door you tell us how many months it is since you last saw us. I don’t have time to relax and enjoy your company because you immediately want to know when you’re seeing us next. It makes me feel stressed and pressured and also torn. And it’s not fair on Matt because it makes him feel bad. This is not Matt’s problem.”
There was a protracted silence. She could hear her mother breathing.
“Mom?”
“Yes. I’m here. I— You’re our world, Brooke, you know that. Of course we want to see more of you. We love you and miss you. We’d love you to live right around the corner so we could see you all the time.”
It was like being crushed by a heavy weight.
“I can’t be your whole world, Mom. I don’t want to be your whole world. I have a life that I love, and I want you and Dad to have a life that you love, too. And I want to be a big part of that life, but not all of it. You have the bookstore, and you’ve always said you’d like to travel. You should do that, and then you should call and tell me all about it.” She pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose, trying not to cry. “I love you, but I can’t handle this level of pressure. I made a bad decision because of it. We shouldn’t have travelled, but I insisted on pushing on because I wanted to get to you. I can’t do that again. What if we have another accident, but this time it doesn’t have such a good outcome?”
“You had an accident?” Her mother was breathless with shock, and too late Brooke remembered that she’d withheld that detail.
“Yes, but—”
“An accident? How bad was it? Are you hurt, honey? Is Matt hurt? The girls?”
“No one was hurt, fortunately, but I don’t want to risk that again.”
“You didn’t mention it. You didn’t tell us.”
“I didn’t want to worry you. I was trying to protect you, because I know how much you worry. But I want to be confident the roads are cleared before we travel again.”