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Calvin: Not at all
Me: Great, I’m getting off at your stop now. Be there soon
He sends a thumbs-up emoji as a reply as I step onto the platform and walk down a long tunnel until the exit. I’ve gotten off this stop a hundred times, probably in the five years since I’ve lived in Boston, but typically for the purpose of visiting my brother instead.
A knot forms in my stomach, but I ignore it as I walk to Cal’s place.
A few short minutes later, I knock at Calvin’s door, and it opens immediately. Calvin is standing in front of me, gray sweatpants hung low.
“Hey,” I say, throat dry.
“Hey.” He leans in and kisses my cheek. He takes me in, and then asks, “Are you okay?”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” I laugh lightly.
“Not sure why. I love that you are here, but you look a little pale.” He pauses and asks, “Maybe we can sit?”
I agree, and he escorts me to the couch. We sit next to each other, but there’s still room for another person between us.
“You played great today.” I muster up the courage for small talk first.
“Yeah. Thank you.” His words are more clipped than usual.
Before I can overthink, I blurt out, “I was kind of hoping you guys would lose in the playoffs.”
He laughs and throws his hand over his heart. “Ouch.”
I place my hands over my eyes, but open a slit between my fingers to peek out. “You’re not mad?”
“I mean, would I like my girl to be rooting for me? Yeah. So it does sting a little.”
“I am always rooting for you,” I declare. “It’s just…”
Crap. I started this weird.
“It’s just,” I try again. “If you guys didn’t win today or next week, then the decision would be made for me.”
“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head fast. “You are losing me.”
“I want to be in the stands so badly for the Super Bowl. Watching you. Cheering for you.”
“I want that too.” A cocky grin appears on his face.
“The Super Bowl is in—”
“California this year,” he finishes for me.
“Yeah, and I haven’t been back to California…since,” I stumble, “since I left.”
“Did you hate it there?” There’s no judgment in his voice, just a simple question.
A short laugh bubbles out. “That’s putting it mildly.”
I switch my position to get more comfortable, and Cal emulates. We might be here for a minute.
I wasn’t sure if I was going to confide in Calvin, or anyone. I’m a little embarrassed about what happened in my past when I lived on the West Coast and how I lost myself completely. I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel ready, but for some reason, I want him to know everything about me, even if it’s not pretty.
I take a deep breath and begin. “When I was in high school, I got a job selling hats at the mall. Everything was fine, great even. I loved working in retail, which may sound odd to some, but I loved working with customers and my coworkers. I had a great boss, and truth be told, I had a giant crush on him. I loved going to work every day, so much so I decided to postpone college for a bit.
