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It took six tries before Eliza managed to find the words for Robert that told him she could not marry him, but not for want of love. When she had finished, she felt empty in a way she had never done before. Where her heart and her joy usually resided, there was nothing but hollow bleakness. She had handed the letter to a footman, before her courage deserted her, to deliver to Robert.

That done, she made a further decision. She needed to tell Haryo. She deserved to know, and she would not rest until she knew the truth. She knew that if she disappeared, Haryo would not let it go. She scrubbed her face and took a breath. Millie rescued her hair and helped her into walking clothes. Resolute, Eliza set off for Devonshire House with Millie as chaperone before she could change her mind.

She had not told her mother or Charles – she couldn’t yet think of him as her papa. She just left. She would tell Haryo and Hart in person. They deserved to know so they could dismiss any gossip that might arise. She had little doubt that between Haryo, Hart, Lady Morpeth, and Lady Liz, who was now a duchess, and Lady Spencer, any incipient gossip would be quelled immediately.

When she stood in the grand hallway of Devonshire House waiting to be taken to Haryo, her courage almost failed her, but she stepped forward with determination. Above all, she had to make sure any scandal would not touch her friends.

Chapter 61

ELIZA

London

Haryo arrived in the drawing room in something of a rush, not like her usual calm and confident self.

Eliza stared at her. This woman who was her friend. Her… sister? At that thought, she almost cried again.

‘Eliza, darling, many many happy returns,’ she said and came over to take her hand. Then, to Eliza’s surprise, she kissed her on the cheek. ‘Your timing is impeccable. We were just talking about you, and we have something to tell you. Something very important.’

‘It is? I ah… thank you for seeing me,’ Eliza managed in a strangled voice. ‘I need to speak to you. Is Hart here?’

‘Darling…’

‘No, please, I have to get this out. I have to… There is something you need to know about me. I have found out why everyone thinks I’m so mysterious.’ She stared at the ground as she babbled. She couldn’t look Haryo in the face. ‘I am so, so sorry,’ she said, ‘but I am the reason that you were all so unhappy as children when your mama went to France. It was all my fault and I…’

Haryo took hold of her shaking hand. ‘Darling…’

‘No, I must. I have to tell you. I’m so sorry…’ She sucked in a breath and struggled on.

‘My brother, Charles, fell in love with your mother and they had a baby together. Me. The baby was me.’ Tears were streaming down her face, and she was losing the ability to talk. ‘It was me. I was born in France and… and… your mama left you behind… and…’

She was in Haryo’s arms, sobbing. ‘I am so sorry.’

‘Just what are you sorry for, my love?’

‘Everything. I’m leaving immediately with Mama, so I won’t be here to remind the people who know, because there are some people who know. If I leave London, they will forget me and everyone will stop talking about it and you will all be safe.’

Haryo stroked her hair. ‘And Robert?’

Eliza couldn’t speak for the longest time. All she managed was a choked sob. Haryo just waited, stroking her hair.

‘I wrote. I knew I wouldn’t be able to speak if I saw him. I tried to explain it is because I love him so much that I must leave. I must protect him.’

‘And have you sent this letter?’

Eliza nodded.

Haryo moved and took Eliza by the shoulders. ‘My dearest, dearest little sister. You have had the most abominable shock, and I fear your usually very sensible wits have become quite disordered.’

Eliza looked up at her, not quite understanding. Had Haryo just called her ‘little sister’?

‘How is any of this your fault?’

‘Well… it’s because of me that your mama left you for so long and you were all so badly affected by it. You told me so. You all never recovered.’

‘We were of course saddened, but she was away so long because my papa refused to allow her to come home. He made her stay away long after you were born, so if anyone is to blame, it is him and not you. You were a baby. How could a baby be to blame for all this?’

Eliza stared. ‘Did… did you know?’