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A trembling set up inside her. If this were discovered, if people found out about who she was, it would ruin everything for everyone.
‘This is what Somersby is threatening to reveal.’ It wasn’t a question.
‘Ignore Somersby, we will deal with him. Eliza…’
‘Charles, if this becomes known, it will ruin your career as a politician. It will ruin the family and plunge the Cavendishes into the most appalling scandal.’
She closed her eyes. Robert. Robert. Oh, Robert.
She opened them and could scarcely see Charles for the tears that swam in her eyes. She couldn’t do it to him. Couldn’t risk the shame, the scandal, the embarrassment. If she married Robert and it came out, it would destroy his family’s reputation forever as well.
Her head was whirling in the most abominable way. She knew what she had to do, but how? How to…
She put her face in her hands, and Charles came to stand in front of her. He put a hand on her shoulder.
‘If you knew just how much I wanted you to know I was your father…’ He sighed shakily.
‘I wish you’d told me. I would never have asked to come to London if I had any idea what a scandal I might cause. I see now why I had to be kept out of sight.’
He pulled her to him gently, and for a moment she rested her forehead against his chest, then sucked in a breath.
‘I know what I have to do.’
‘Sweetheart, you don’t need to do anything. I will deal with Somersby. Nothing will come out to hurt the family.’
Eliza’s chin wobbled. ‘It’s not just that, though, is it? It’s the Cavendishes. The Ellices… Hannah.’ She stopped, emotion overwhelming her.
‘No. I know what I must do.’
With that, she fled.
Chapter 60
ELIZA
London
Eliza ran to her mother’s apartments. No, not her mother, her grandmother. She knocked, ran in, and closed the door behind her.
‘Eliza?’ her mother said, clearly startled.
Where to begin?
‘I know. I know everything. Charles told me the truth behind the rumours,’ she blurted, and risked a peep at her.
‘Ah,’ her mother, no, grandmother, said. ‘I see.’
‘I understand now why you were so against me coming to London and you were entirely right. If this comes out, I will ruin everyone. Us, Charles’s career, the Cavendishes, the Ellices… I can’t stay. I must go home. I must…’
‘Well, frankly, the Cavendishes can look out for themselves. My main concern is what it will do to you should the truth come out. You are a good girl, Eliza, and you don’t deserve the censure that will follow.’
‘Robert doesn’t deserve the censure, either. I cannot…’ She fumbled the words. Couldn’t say them. ‘I cannot marry him. I cannot subject him to this kind of scandal. If I married him and it became known, it would ruin him. Ruin his family. Ruin Hannah and Edward too…’ Eliza could barely breathe at the thought of never seeing Robert again. Never laughing with him, talking in earnest, exploring new things with him. Kissing him. Her heart seized in her chest so badly she couldn’t think or breathe. All she knew was she had to protect him.
Her mother stood and came to her. ‘That is a brave decision, my dear. Are you sure? What do you want to do?’
‘Go home. Go back to Northumberland, where no-one is interested in me, and disappear again.’
Her mother sighed. ‘I understand, and I shall accompany you, but should you speak to the Lieutenant Colonel first?’