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‘This is excellent,’ Horse says of the curry, an attempt at biryani. It seems to be my favourite to cook.

‘One of Nadiya’s spice mixes again,’ I say, nodding, grateful that she’s passed on some of her new range to Horse for us to try out here in the farm kitchen.

He takes another mouthful and nods appreciatively.

‘Are you okay, Gwen? You seem quiet.’

‘Oh yes,’ I say, wishing I could pretend everything was fine. ‘Just tired. And I need to crack on with packing. There’s a charity truck coming for most of the furniture. No good me keeping it. The lodge on Glan’s farm is furnished. That’ll do me for now. So it’s really packing up what I want to keep, and putting out stuff that I don’t want.’

‘It’ll soon be Christmas,’ he says thoughtfully.

‘Yes; we’ll be finishing up in the forest sooner than we think,’ I say, wishing that sounded like a good thing. Come Christmas, a lot is going to change. A lot that I have become used to around here. Like Will being here. Luke and the puppies. Lara, working when she needs to from here at the kitchen table and helping in the barn and on the till. She and Luke walking Dinky in the forest, helping Will to read better. Luke bringing a pile of comics for Will and the two of them laughing their way through them. Will watching his favourite chef on the television. Will sitting with Tegan on the sofa.

Will. Just Will. I’m going to miss Will. And Horse. Having them here has made me so happy.

But I have so many more memories to cherish, I think, wishing I was putting a decoration on the tree next year. But I won’t be here, and neither will the trees. I wonder where I’ll be this time next year?

I see Luke look at me and then away, glancing at Lara, who sits opposite him.

‘The new year is certainly going to be here in no time,’ I say and try to muster a smile, wondering how long it will take before Scarlett moves the diggers in to rip up the roots of the trees left behind.

‘It’s been an amazing month,’ says Luke. ‘I wish it could be like this all the time.’

‘Me too!’ says Will, scooping up his last mouthful with a flourish of his spoon.

Chapter 36

The next day I watch families with huge, excited smiles milling around the forest to the food hut. I’m serving hot drinks and Will’s spicy mince pies, with a kick that’ll warm from the inside out. In the farmhouse kitchen, waiting for us for later, there’s biryani and daal too.

‘What can I get you?’ I ask, as a man approaches the counter.

‘Just a coffee, please. And a mince pie,’ he says. He’s watching his children, their cheeks rosy pink, darting in and out of the trees. They look about the same age as Will.

‘These are Will’s signature mince pies,’ I say. ‘With extra spice!’

‘Your son seems like a lovely boy,’ says the man.

‘Oh, yes . . . He’s . . .’ I trail off.

‘They change your life, don’t they?’ He smiles. ‘Make you realize what it’s all about.’

‘He got me cooking, for one thing!’ I say with a smile. ‘And opening up the Christmas tree farm again!’

‘He sounds very special. We’re lucky to have them,’ says the man. ‘I have to remind myself of that when I’m shouting at mine to get their shoes on and get out the house in the morning!’

We both give a little laugh.

‘It’s days like this that make you appreciate what you’ve got. We’ll be back next year, too!’

‘Enjoy the spicy mince pies,’ I say. They’re a one-off, I think, just like Will.

I watch as parents and grandparents take their coffees and mince pies and go and sit on the benches and tables. The mince pies that we’ve been making each evening, seeing as they’re proving so popular. I’m still baking them after Will’s gone to bed some nights. Or early in the morning when he is up and wants to bake more. And once they’re gone, they’re gone. I see Will and Khadiza pointing out trees and describing their characters to customers looking for their perfect family tree; encouraging them to put a wish on the tree before they leave.

‘Because everyone deserves a wish at Christmas,’ Will tells them, and he looks at me and smiles.

My heart feels like it’s tearing in two. But I’m booked to go to the solicitor’s later on. The documents will be signed. We will all get what we wanted. I sigh deeply. If only I could have what I really wish for. But there’s no going back now.

Lara calls to Will and he comes running over with Khadiza, a warm coat done up over her fairy costume, hat and gloves on, and rosy cheeks glowing on both of them.