Page 9

Truthfully, I couldn't wait to hear my son doing the same thing around here one day, running around with his cousins like he used to.

I knew I had to speak that kind of stuff into existence if I wanted him to get better.

Thinking negatively wasn't going to bring my baby off that machine and back into my arms.

Pernelle and I walked past the living room where my sisters sat quietly talking amongst themselves, but the second they noticed me, they got quiet.

Before we could make it to the front door, Vanessa stood up from the couch, and my body instantly tensed when she approached me.

“Jas.”

I turned around to face her behind my sunglasses.

I hadn't really spoken to her since our argument, and truthfully, I could barely look at her without feeling something ugly rise inside of me.

Part of me was terrified that if I caught even the slightest hint of an I-told-you-so look on her face, I would lose my fucking mind.

The guilt of not getting to my son fast enough was already eating me alive, and hearing judgment from someone else would make that guilt feel even more real.

Pernelle quietly stepped back, leaving just me and Vanessa standing there face to face.

“I just wanted to say.” Vanessa started before looking down for a moment.

“I just wanted to say that I love you, baby sister, and I'm sorry that I don't know what words to say right now to bring you comfort.”

Her hands twisted together nervously while she spoke.

“And it sucks because I usually have too much to say, but when I need the words most, I can't find them.”

The crack in her voice finally made me look at her fully.

“But just know that I'm here for you. No matter what. And I love you so much. Church today really touched me, and I feel so, so bad for you, Jasmine. I couldn't imagine.”

She shut her eyes tightly for a second before continuing, as if getting the words out physically hurt her.

“You were, I mean, you are a great mother, Jas. A great aunt, a great sister, and a great person. We're going to get through this together. All of us. And I mean it.”

Her eyes opened and locked onto mine.

“Thanks, Vanessa. That means a lot. I appreciate it.”

With no more words spoken, we pulled into a hug so tight I was sure our bodies had locked together.

She started crying, and so did I until the tears finally stopped and we let each other go.

“Okay, come on, sis. Let's step outside and see that sunshine now.”

Pernelle reached her hand out and helped me outside.

When we stepped onto the stoop, I realized Pernelle was right.

The weather had completely changed since we came back from church.

The gloomy skies were gone, and sunlight poured onto the block so warmly that, for the first time in days, I felt something besides grief sitting on my chest.

Even the breeze felt different.

In front of the house, Crew and his homeboys were gathered around the cars. Some sat on the hoods while others leaned against the doors, passing a blunt around.