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“However, in the beginning, it was Nicolaj who didn't want me around him. Too often I had been under bloodlust.”

He hesitated for a moment and his hands pressed into the windowsill. A vein on his forehead stood out visibly.

Was it hard for him to admit that he had suffered from bloodlust? Had I inherited my tendency to become addicted to things so quickly from him? Or from my mother?

“That's why Camille took care of him. At some point, when he got older, I wanted to train him, but he refused.” I clenched my teeth, and he looked at me. “I wish I had gotten a second chance with you both.”

My throat tightened, but I couldn't break eye contact.

I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what exactly, didn't know if I wanted to give him a chance. He hadn't even known about me, which wasn't his fault.

Somehow, I had been overlooked. Forgotten.

Just then, my cell phone rang.

Tristan broke out of his trance and stepped back, as if he had interrupted me during something important.

“I've got to take this,” I said, embarrassed.

Tristan nodded. “Of course.”

Then he shot away as quickly as he had appeared.

Overwhelmed by the conversation, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and read the caller's name on the screen.

Chapter 54

Julie

All Of This

The Naked And Famous

“You know you can let me drive too,” said Larissa from the passenger seat.

Only then did I realize that I was driving faster than the downtown speed limit.

“I need to distract myself,” I explained, gritting my teeth. “Otherwise, my hands will freeze.”

It was the truth. Something that happened to me more and more often when I spent time with Larissa or the other two girls: I was being honest.

And I was confused.

Erik had texted me and I hadn't been able to hold back. I needed him in my life, couldn't push him away any longer, because it hurt me to know that he missed me and that I was making things harder for us than they needed to be.

Now we were in touch again, but I was overwhelmed. So I had decided on the spur of the moment to distract myself and overcome my inhibitions, to finally do something I had long avoided. Something that was long overdue.

I needed someone to come with me, so I had called Larissa, who had quickly come to the campus, where I had been waiting in my car. Bayla had suddenly appeared in the parking lot, followed by Emely, who hadn't wanted to let her go with us alone.

And so, Larissa was sitting in the passenger seat, Bayla and Emely in the backseat, and I was driving my car like a madwoman through downtown.

“Now your steering wheel is freezing.”

I looked in the rearview mirror at Bayla, who was holding on to her seatbelt, then at Larissa, whose eyes wandered to my hands, before looking back at the road.

Immediately, the ice on the leather steering wheel multiplied.

I had to control myself. To make sure I didn't hurt the three of them.