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I looked at him in shock.

What was I supposed to say to that?

“You should never have...” I began, but he just snorted and turned back to the window.

“I was seventeen, Larissa. Not exactly mature and a goddamn junkie.”

Drugs, Sacramento... The parallels that intertwined our lives were almost ridiculous. Yet it made me unintentionally emotional. I couldn't judge anyone who had fallen into that trap. Not after what I had done to get out of it.

“That would explain a lot,” I laughed dryly, and he looked back at me.

“It's the place. Lifeless cities filled with soul traders looking for ways to provide others with a brief high. A short-lived thrill that tricks us into feeling alive. In exchange for something more valuable than money could buy. These places are what make us forget what real life is.”

I clenched my teeth.

“I've never had another life,” I sighed.

Sacramento was my only benchmark because I didn't know anything else, and Blairville seemed like paradise in comparison, even though there was a lot of shit going on here.

Now Tristan DeLoughrey had shown up and confirmed how fucked up the big city was. I wondered what he thought of Blairville.

“I didn't even know there were two of you,” he continued, and I had known he would bring up the subject at some point. I just didn't know if I was ready for it.

Julie's words raced through my mind.

Our parents were all young and foolish once, just like us.

“Your mother didn't tell me she was pregnant.”

Once again, I thought of Julie, who was trying to hide her child's existence from her internet lover.

“Camille had somehow found out.” I looked at him, listened intently. “Too late. Your mother was already dead.” There was a flicker of remorse in his light-brown eyes. Eyes that we shared. “I was in shock. A strange, eye-opening paralysis after which I turned my back on big city life, drugs, women and turned to more intellectual pursuits.”

So he hadn't had a chance to save her.

“Did you love her?”

As soon as I asked the question, it hung uncomfortably in the air.

He said nothing, and I already knew the answer. It was the same one I had always known. Only back then, it had been in a different context. But did that change the fact that he had let her and us down?

“I was too immature to really know what love was,” he confessed, and it caused me to reflect more than I wanted to. “And to this day, I see little value in this deceptive biological phenomenon. Love is something for philosophers and poets. Not for creatures like us.”

Either he didn’t think much of feelings, or he didn’t think much of philosophers and poets. Probably both.

“And Miles? How much does he mean to you?” I asked, unable to erase the suspicion from my voice.

It was one thing to have a failed romantic relationship, but it was a whole different ball game when it came to family.

That word… It weighed so heavily, even though it should have carried me through my entire life.

“When Camille brought him here back then, I tried to stay away from him. He was a baby, and I couldn't handle the fact that he was mine. Or the urge to transform him.” He pressed his lips together. “I distanced myself.”

My heart felt heavier than before.

He had kept his distance from his son...

But what I was doing with Mady wasn't any better. I kept my distance from her so as not to hurt her, while she was probably suffering endlessly.