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“Dae ye ever wish tae gae back tae Paris?” Ro asked. He had kept his promise to visit Amelie often. In fact, he had visited Amelie every single day since they had first met. They had fallen into a comfortable routine of strolling around the garden. The weather had stayed unusually calm as well, although the temperature was dropping. Amelie wore a shawl today. She winced at the question, shaking her head vehemently.

“I thought ye might hae felt better in the land of yer birth,” he added. Amelie frowned deeply and wondered if this was a joke that had gone awry.

“Never,” she said. The two syllables had an unbalanced rhythm, but the word still managed to escape her lips. It had taken some time, but eventually, she had begun to feel comfortable enough around Ro that she could speak. It helped that she was in familiar surroundings. Even so, she only gave voice to a few words.

“Hae anyone told ye before that ye hae a beautiful voice?” he said, smiling broadly. Amelie blushed. She shook her head. At first, she feared he was joking, but she knew him better than that. Ro did not have a cruel bone in his body. In their time together he had been nothing but generous and kind, just as Sister Cora had vouched for. He almost seemed too good to be true, and Amelie felt blessed that the Lord had seen fit to bring him into her life. It felt as though all the torment and all the waiting had been worth it. Ro had come along at the right time for her, just when she was beginning to make her first forays into love. It would still take a little bit of time, but the more she saw him, the more she could envisage them ending up together. Currently, he was a nomad, a lost, wounded soul waiting to be nurtured and loved.

“I suppose that’s for the best. From what ye hae told me it dinnae sound like the kind of place anyone should visit. The more I hear of other places the more it makes me appreciate the people in the Highlands. Sometimes I believe we are the only people who know the true meaning of honor,” he said. Amelie was not one to make such sweeping judgments, but he was speaking in her defense, so she was hardly going to deny that notion. Then, he angled his head towards her and his words softened, after he took a deep breath. There were often moments when his emotions seemed to be getting the better of him, usually when he was talking about the bandits who were responsible for his father’s death.

“I am glad ye hae nae plans tae leave, though. Ye would be daeing the Highlands a disservice if ye did sae, and I would be lost as well. I would nae know what tae dae with myself,” he chuckled a little as he spoke. Amelie wore a coy look and dipped her head.

I’m sure that’s not true. There are plenty of women to spend time with.

“But none like ye, Amelie. I hae sae dearly enjoyed the time we hae spent taegether. I dinnae want tae speak out of turn, but I hope ye understand how deeply I feel for ye. I was beginning tae think that I would never find kinship with another person in the whole world. I went from village tae village, seeing strange, uncaring faces before me. I dinnae feel as though I could speak tae any of them, and I thought I would be a stranger tae the world. But then I met ye and from that first moment, I hae felt comfortable with ye. I know I could tell ye anything. Ye are a kind soul, and ye truly bring meaning tae God’s grace. I cannae imagine there is a gentler spirit in the world and I feel blessed that ye hae chosen tae spend yer company with me,” he wore a bashful look when he spoke and Amelie wasn't sure how to respond. The sincere outpouring of emotion left her completely speechless, as words did not even linger in the back of her throat. He suddenly stopped walking. He stood under the shade of a tree, his features cast in darkness. As he stood still, she regarded his profile as she would a work of art. There was still something that seemed familiar about him, something that she couldn’t quite place. She had gotten used to ignoring that feeling though, for there were far other, more exciting things to feel.

“I am sorry for pouring my heart out like that. Ye must think me a fool,” he laughed deeply and turned his head away. “It must be strange for ye tae hae this man appear from nowhere and suddenly be sae filled with intent taeward ye. I even feel strange myself, as feelings like these hae never possessed my soul. I hae always considered myself a temperate man, able tae look at things with a steady eye, yet with ye I am at a loss. I feel out of control, as though I am caught in a gale. It is the most wonderful feeling, Amelie. And I hope that I am nae proving disrespectful by saying these things. I know that this is God’s house, but I hope he hae a place for me tae share my feelings for ye.”

He always has a place for love, Amelie wrote. Her hand hovered before she wrote the final word, not knowing if she had the courage to make that statement. But she was glad she did. She was even gladder when she noticed his reaction, which was a soft sigh and a twinkle in his eyes. She still wasn’t possessed with the same kind of immediate passion that had enveloped her in an inferno with Evan, but she told herself that things didn’t have to be exactly the same. The flame of passion had burned brightly with Evan, but that had made it burn out quickly. Things with Ro were slower and gentler, unfolding at a much more palatable pace, and she felt far more at ease. Each meeting brought them closer together and she did not feel as though she was being swept up in a dizzying rush, or losing her footing as a torrent pulled her feet from beneath her. No, this was something in which she could take pride, something that she could enjoy as it grew without feeling lost.

And in this way, she thought it was greater than what she had with Evan. Evan had just been the first, that was all. But she had spent more time with Ro and knew him better. Yes, Evan had opened up his heart to her as well, but she had no idea if they had just been lies designed to win her sympathy. The only thing she knew about him for certain was that he was free with his heart. Ro, on the other hand, was guarded. The things he told her she knew he told only to her, and this closeness thrilled her.

One day soon Fleur was going to see them together and she would be shocked that Amelie had managed to figure out her own life. She hadn’t needed any help at all! Well, aside from God, but then again God helped everyone. And she supposed Sister Cora had given her a nudge in the right direction as well, and the other women had helped with her chores so that Amelie could find enough time to spend with Ro…but apart from all that she had done this by herself. More importantly, she had done it without the rest of her family, just as Fleur and Pascal had done before her. She was proving herself to be just as capable as both of her siblings, and she hoped that by the end of all this, they would begin to see her in a new light. She certainly didn’t think that Ro would ever allow them to treat her like a child. He was gentle with her, but he was forthright in his opinions and if anyone disrespected her or treated her in an unkind manner then he would see that they were dealt with properly.

“Ye know, Amelie, I hae been thinking about something else,” he said. “While it hae been lovely spending sae much time here, it would be nice tae take ye out intae the world. There is a village nae far from here. I’m actually gaeing tae stop there next. It hae a fine market and I thought ye might want tae accompany me,” he suggested.

Amelie felt a flare of excitement and trepidation appear in her heart. The thought of traveling with him was thrilling, but it also brought a lot of anxiety with it. She knew who she was in the nunnery, and she was also sure of her surroundings. She felt comfortable there, whereas the world was filled with uncertainty. And while the thought of visiting a market was interesting, she knew it would be busy, and more people brought even more trouble. She thought back to her youth, when a hand had taken hers in the busy market and dragged her away. When she had seen the sea of people moving around her and had been unable to break free. Her chest tightened and it became hard to breathe. She put her hand on her head, trying to wish away the panic attack because this was the worst time for it to occur. She didn’t want to show Ro the broken, fragile side of her. This wasn’t the girl he had fallen in love with. This wasn’t the girl he had spent so much time with, and if he saw how frail she truly was then surely he would turn away in disgust like all the others.

He reached out and touched her gently on the shoulder. “I can see that ye are tired, Amelie. Please, think about it though. There are always lovely things in the market. But for now perhaps ye should gae and rest.”

Amelie breathed deeply, feeling the panic ebb away. She felt foolish and vulnerable, but she tried to take solace in Ro’s voice. She closed her eyes. Her frantic heart was calmed and she managed to walk away without suffering too greatly.

They ambled back to the nunnery. As they did so, they walked past two nuns who were strolling by with baskets, going out to the gardens to pick some fruit.

“Dae ye know how many of the Laird Pascal’s men are coming taemorrow?” one of them asked.

“Oh, I dinnae know. I suppose there will be a few at least. We shall hae tae gather enough food tae feed them all. I wonder if the Laird himself will come.”

“It’s just a supply run,” the other nun scoffed. The hope left the eyes of the second nun and they went wandering away, but Amelie had much on her mind.

Her stomach pinched when she heard that supplies were being delivered. Evan was one of Pascal’s men, what if he was finally going to live up to his promise to visit? What if he dared to think that they could pick up from where they had left off? No…he was the captain of the guard. This supply run was surely beneath his duties. And if he hadn’t visited her by now she didn’t see what had changed so suddenly. Life would go on as it had done before, and she could take comfort in the plans that she and Ro were making together. She breathed a little easier after this. It would be easier for her if Evan stayed away.

“I need tae take care of some business taemorrow, sae I will nae be able tae visit ye,” Ro said, after his gaze lingered on the nuns who had just passed.

Amelie could not hide her disappointment. She shrugged with meek acceptance though. She could hardly get in the way of his business, especially when he had been so generous with his time already.

“In fact, I may nae return for a few days,” Ro was deep in thought. He rubbed his index finger against his thumb as well. “Ye know, perhaps it would be best if ye came tae the village for me. It hae just struck me how painful it would be for us tae be parted for a few days. I hae gotten used tae seeing ye every day. Ye hae brought me as much wonder as the rising sun. Would ye consider it? We could eat in a fine inn and look at all the exotic things on sale in the market. It will be exciting, and I will take care of ye, lass, ye can be sure of that,” he said, a little more insistent than Amelie liked. The offer was tempting, but she was not yet brave enough to accept it. She would need more than just a few minutes to prepare for such a trip, and the thought of being in a market again was already beginning to bring palpitations back.

She shook her head, and he scowled. She did not like disappointing him so and reached out to squeeze his arm before he turned away from her.

“One day,” she said, the simple words requiring such a struggle to utter. Ro took a deep breath and looked at her hand resting on his arm. He nodded once, and seemed to be satisfied with this.

“I shall see ye when I return, and perhaps then we can talk more about the future. I will think of ye while I am away, Amelie. May God watch over ye.”

“And ye,” she said, bowing her head. She watched him as he strode away from the nunnery, and she couldn’t help but feel as though she had made a grave mistake. He had clearly wanted to spend more time with her, and she had pushed him away. She hoped he would not take this as an insult, and she also hoped it would not prevent him from seeing her again. She wished it was easier for her to rid herself of the fear that clung to her heart. She did not wish to always be like this, and at some point, if she was ever going to move forward in life she was going to have to take a risk. If only Ro had not wanted to visit the village so suddenly…

She pressed her lips together and made a vow to herself. When Ro returned she was going to say yes to whatever he asked. It could be a trip, or even marriage, either way she was going to accept the adventure with him, because he had proven himself to her and there was no need for her to doubt. She reminded herself that there was no need to keep being afraid of the past. It had already happened and she had survived it. There was no guarantee that it was going to happen again. She wanted to be like Fleur and Pascal, able to move on and find her happy ending, and that ending was going to be with Ro.

However, for the rest of the day, she kept thinking about the imminent arrival of Pascal’s men, and although on the surface of her mind she kept hoping that Evan would stay well away, she knew deep down that she would be disappointed if he did not show himself. Her feelings for him had never truly gone away, she had just tried to clip them away like unwanted weeds as he had made it clear they were never going to be fulfilled. But despite all the time she had spent with Ro, Evan was still the only man she had ever kissed and the first man to have stirred thoughts of passion within her heart. It would have been difficult for anyone to battle against those instincts, let alone Amelie, who was still so new to these feelings.

Guilt lingered in her heart as well. She had omitted any mention of Evan to Ro, feeling that it would be improper to tell him. She wasn’t sure if this was right of her or not. She did not like lying to him and yet had no idea how she could put those things into words. It was a stroke of luck that he and Evan, if Evan was even going to come, would not be at the nunnery at the same time. Perhaps it was another way in which God was watching over her.

She hoped that once the men arrived and she saw that Evan was not among them she could finally put these feelings to rest. Then she could focus on Ro and the future that they could build together. She tried to push aside all of these thoughts because they became so confusing, and instead focused on reading scripture. She took a Bible up to her room and settled in her chair beside the window. Pale sunlight shone in and illuminated the words. Amelie’s eyes danced along the inked symbols and she tried to lose herself in the teachings of the Lord, hoping that they would offer her errant soul some discipline. She would miss moments like these, she thought, for when she left the nunnery she would have other tasks to perform, the tasks of a wife and, perhaps, a mother.

She blinked away the fear that always came with those possibilities. Her lips trembled as she focused on the present. Everything else loomed large and it became overwhelming, as though a huge tidal wave was rushing towards her and would wash everything away. She embraced the quiet tightly and prayed over and over again for the strength to see this through. She was so close to something wonderful now, and the last thing she wanted was to risk sabotaging herself.