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It wasn’t even as though he could return to his old ways. He found the bawdy girls at the tavern annoying, and ale had lost its alluring taste. Now when he wetted his lips he could only think of the kiss that had not lasted long enough. When he closed his eyes he could picture her sitting before him, her cheeks blushing with warmth, her chest rising in deep breaths, her eyes enjoying the bliss they created together. Despite being unable to speak to him, he felt as though he knew her intimately. So many people spoke so many words without saying anything of importance, but Amelie could communicate so many things with a single look. She was quiet only in terms of her voice. In her body language, she was loud. The way she had melted into his arms… well… she may as well have screamed with delight.

Yet what good did it do to think of her? She had given him the cold shoulder at the last breakfast and then rushed away, making it clear that she wanted nothing to do with him. How was he supposed to do anything but respect her wishes? He had thought about mounting a horse and chasing after her to the nunnery, but he would be a fool to pour his heart out to a woman who would never give him hers in return. If she wanted to leave then so be it. He had his duty and an entire life to live.

And yet he still couldn’t stop thinking about her…

“How was that, Sir?” a panting guard came up to Evan, interrupting his thoughts. The guard’s cheeks were red and a sheen of sweat made his face glisten.

“Ah, yes, very good, just work on yer timing next time. Even just a moment of hesitation can be fatal,” he said, collecting himself after an initial stammer. He thought it sounded like a professional thing to say, even though he was making it up off the top of his head, as he hadn’t actually paid attention to the bout at all. The guard looked a little puzzled, but he did not dare question his captain. Instead, he nodded and then walked away to rest.

Evan clamped his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had to focus. This wasn’t how the captain of the guard should act. He doubted his uncle had ever been in such a conflicted state of mind. Logan’s sense of duty had never been in doubt, and if Evan kept letting Amelie get the better of him then he was always going to be a disappointment.

This feeling was exacerbated when Laird Pascal approached. Evan straightened his posture and called out to the men. They fell into rank. Evan swallowed deeply and held himself as straight as possible, worried that Pascal had noticed that he had been distracted recently, and was coming to discipline him.

“Good form, men, ye are looking sharp. Ye hae them well drilled, Captain,” Pascal said, nodding towards Evan. Evan nodded back.

“Thank ye, Sir,” he said sharply. “How can we help ye, Sir? Would ye like a martial display?” Evan asked.

“That will nae be necessary,” Pascal opened his palm and waved his hand in front of him. “I actually came here because I hae a task for yer men. We hae saved up a surplus of food, sae I would like tae arrange for a supply run tae the nunnery. I also hae some gifts for Amelie that were left from her birthday.”

Almost before Pascal finished speaking, and before any arrangements could be made, Evan puffed out his chest. “I can take charge of that,” he blurted out. Pascal cocked his head to the side.

“I appreciate yer enthusiasm, Evan, but this is just a simple supply run. I’m sure one of ye men can handle it. Ye hae duties here,” Pascal said.

Evan clasped his hands behind his back. He was determined to go to the nunnery now that the opportunity presented itself. The chance to see Amelie again was too great to resist, and if he was there on official business then she could not simply send him away. He would have a chance to explain everything.

“It is an important delivery, Sir. We cannae be tae careful of bandits. I wish tae take responsibility for its safe arrival. I would hate for Amelie tae miss out on her gifts,” Evan said.

Pascal regarded him coolly. “I believe ye mean Lady Amelie.”

Evan’s eyes widened as he realized his mistake. “Aye, Sir,” he stammered.

Pascal pursed his lips and then jerked his head to the side, beckoning Evan to move away from the men so that they could speak in private.

“Is there something ye need tae tell me, Evan?” he asked.

Evan knew it would do no good for him to lie, although he wasn’t sure that any good would come from telling the Laird that he and Amelie had shared a kiss either. Pascal was very protective of his sister.

“I wish tae see her myself, Sir. There was a…misunderstanding that I could nae correct before she left. I know how important it is tae ye that she feels safe here. I want her tae know that she can trust me,” he said, hoping that the depth of his feelings would be obscured enough.

Pascal thought about it for a few moments and then inclined his head. “Very well, I shall allow it,” he said. Then, after a pause, he lifted his finger and held it directly in front of Evan’s face. The tone of his voice dropped low. “But I warn ye tae nae play with my sister’s feelings, otherwise ye and I may come tae a misunderstanding.” Pascal then walked away. There was no mistaking the threat in his words, and Evan felt a shiver run down the middle of his body. He put his hands to his forehead and massaged the dull ache away, wondering what he was even going to say to Amelie.

All he really wanted was to make things clear between them. He had worked hard to shed his former behavior and be the kind of man who could be respected. Evan had seen the look of disgust on her face. He knew that she only saw him as a callous rogue who held little esteem for the feelings of fair women. But he didn’t want to be that person any longer. He wanted to be better. He wanted to be the man he had seen reflected in Amelie’s eyes. Somehow, she had made him feel grander than he had ever been before.

But for the time being he cleared his throat and returned to his men. A few of them were murmuring amongst themselves, no doubt speculating about what the Laird might have said to Evan. Evan barked a few orders at them and got them to fall in line. He strode about the training ground and found it easier to concentrate now that he knew he was going to see Amelie again.

Now, he just had to think about what he was going to say to her when they reunited. This was going to be a tougher task than any duel he had ever been involved in. His heart was fraught and he turned various phrases over in his mind, but none of them seemed to work. He just hoped he would be able to think of the right combination by the time he saw her again. And perhaps he would even be able to smuggle in a small gift of his own, just to sweeten his words.