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The carriage trundled away from the townhouse. The sights, sounds and smells of London had become routine during the month she had stayed there. The excitement with which she had greeted all of them had faded after Hamish had departed. Orla was not sure whether this was solely due to him, or if it was because the novelty had worn off. Either way, she was not sorry to leave London behind. She did not crane her head out of the carriage and wave farewell to the buildings lost in the mist, nor did her heart yearn for just one more day in this place that was brimming with industry and prosperity. The only person she would miss was Hannah. There had been many tears shed upon their final day, and Orla had meant to leave Hannah something special. She had rummaged through all the jewelry and fine clothes that she had bought and left many of them to Hannah, suggesting that perhaps she could use them to catch the attention of the boy she liked. Hannah had refused at first, insisting that these things were far too fine for her to wear, but Orla insisted. And, as always, the servant did as the lady asked.

At least some good had come from her stay in London, Orla thought, and she liked to think that Hannah would soon find happiness, even if she couldn’t.

Edward had remained in London for a short while longer as he finished up some business, leaving Nova and Orla to return home. Nova would have stayed with her husband, if not for the fact that it was their father’s birthday soon, and they wanted to be there for him without having to rush. Halle’s family planned to be there as well, although they would make their own way up.

“Ye dinnae seem yeself. In fact, ye hae nae seemed yeself ever since that horrible business with Collin,” Nova said. She had tried to initiate a conversation along these lines with Orla more than once over the past few weeks, and every time, Orla had just shut her out. However, there was no escape from it in the carriage, something that Nova knew well. Orla kept her gaze focused on the outside world, a world of greens and browns that all blurred together as the horses gathered speed and galloped along the open road.

“When I came tae London I assumed I would return a changed woman. I thought that my heart would be filled with love, and I would hae a wedding tae look forward tae. Instead I am just the same as I was before. Nae… worse, because I nae longer hae hope in my heart.”

Nova pursed her lips. “It’s nae Collin that ye are upset about, is it?” she asked. When she did not get a response, she ventured a guess. “It’s Hamish.”

Orla visibly winced at the mention of his name. She wrung her hands together and a small squeal escaped her lips. “What makes ye think that?”

“Orla, I hae known ye all my life. The truth is I sensed something between the two of ye at the beginning, but I assumed naething hae happened, since ye seemed sae attracted taewards Collin. But then after Hamish left, ye hae nae interest in the other men at all. It was as though ye never really saw them. Ye only saw someone else. It was him, was it nae?”

There was no use in hiding the truth now. Orla nodded, a glum expression stretching on her face. “I dinnae know what happened. I thought I hated him, but then we kissed, and I realized that I dinnae hate him at all, but it was tae late.”

“If ye hae told me, then maybe I could hae helped ye.”

“I dinnae want ye tae think badly of him, and at the time I dinnae know my own mind. I was torn between him and Collin, but Hamish proved himself tae be the better man, and the only thing that I proved about myself was that I was a fool.”

Nova reached over and patted her leg. “We all make fools of ourselves sometimes. If it was nae for Edward coming tae find me, then I would hae a very different life now, including a different husband.”

“Aye, but at least ye ended up with the man ye wanted. Ye were honest with him and proved ye feelings for him. I just let him leave. I let him walk intae the arms of another, and what else is there for me tae dae? Ye can tell me that there are other men out there, but ye know as well as anyone that it is nae as simple as that. I was always afraid that I would nae find the same happiness as ye and Halle, and now I fear that I hae been proven right.”

There was nothing that Nova could say to allay the sorrow in her mind, so there were long stretches of silence during the journey. Occasionally, Nova began some simple game to keep them occupied, and Orla humored her by joining in, but these did not last. The scenery passed at a swift speed, and eventually they were in the Highlands again. Orla remembered when she had left them behind, her heart had been filled with hope that she would be embarking upon an adventure. But now she had returned, a weary traveler, condemning herself to the fact that her life was never going to change.

Well, she surmised, at least this meant that she did not have to worry about her father being lonely. If she was going to be married, then it was not going to be for a long while yet.

Laird Stewart greeted them with a hug. He expressed how he had missed them both, and said that he wanted to hear all about their trip. Orla was not entirely looking forward to sharing the details of what had happened with him. She could have asked him then about Hamish, if any word had come to Laird Stewart about the returning Highlander with an English paramour in tow, but she stopped herself. She did not think it would do her any good to hear such news, nor would her brittle pride be able to cope with it.

Instead, she returned to her old, roomy chamber and stood at the window, looking out at the same view that had greeted her every day of her life. She sighed heavily and wondered if her life was ever going to be as she had imagined, and if not, then what was it going to be like going forward? Was she going to just have to remain with her father and keep him company for the next few years, taking a different path to her sisters? That was the fate she had railed against, but it seemed as though fighting it did not do any good.

She was home now, and at home she would stay, perhaps for the rest of her life. Happiness had never seemed so far away as it did at that moment. She had always assumed it was waiting for her in London, but now that had been taken away from her there was nothing for her to wait for, nothing to turn towards. The sad thing was that Hamish was closer than ever. She could have ridden to him, but she had already made enough of a fool of herself. The last thing she wanted was to interrupt his happiness only to be told that she was too late, and then to be turned away by the new lady of the house.

* * *

The following evening, there was a celebration for Laird Stewart’s birthday. A grand feast had been prepared all day, and Orla had been hanging around the kitchen, eagerly taking some cuts of meat that were handed to her by the cooks, a tradition that she wanted to keep alive even though she was not a child any longer. She had reacquainted herself with the maids and asked them about what had happened during her absence. As she suspected, nothing grand had occurred and life was just as it was when she had left. They might as well all have been frozen in time. Still, she was now able to compare life in the Highlands with life in London, and she did appreciate the more relaxed attitude in Scotland, compared to London’s formality. She dressed in comfortable clothes, which her ribs were thankful for, and she did not feel the need to fix her hair in any particular style. She greeted the horses she had missed and wandered around the village, smiling at those who welcomed her back. Many of them were eager to hear about life in London, and Orla tried her best to hide the pain inside.

It was the same at the feast as well. As the guests began to arrive, many of them were eager to talk about the latest developments in her life, so she spoke of the balls and the shops and, the teeming streets of London, while keeping the less glamorous parts private. Laird Stewart was happy as well, especially when Halle and Charles made their appearance. The Laird scooped up his grandchildren, and immediately he looked years younger. He carried them away and showed them all around the keep, while Orla kept Halle and Charles company.

“It’s good tae see him like that,” Orla said as she and Halle chuckled watching him with the children.

“I dae swear I will make an effort tae visit more,” Halle promised.

“I dinnae think ye will be in as great demand now as it dinnae look like I am leaving.”

“Aye, I was sorry tae hear what happened. Perhaps another time ye will meet the man that ye are meant tae marry. There are still plenty of young bachelors in London that ye hae nae met yet. Ye shall hae tae come and stay with us for a wee while,” Halle offered. Orla smiled politely. She knew that Halle was just being kind, but the thought of returning to London again made her nauseous.

Other people came up to speak to Halle, for her return was even more momentous an occasion, so Orla busied herself by slipping through the crowd and feasting on the delicious food that was presented. She was in the process of licking her fingers, when one of her favorite tunes was struck up by the band. For a moment, she lost all sense of her sorrow and ran towards the dance floor. It was something that the English bands did not know how to play, and she was certain they wouldn’t have been able to do it justice either. It required a freedom of spirit that she had not witnessed in England, both from the musicians and the dancers.

She threw herself into the crowd and allowed the rhythm to flow through her. It was liberating to surrender to the music in a way she had not been able to for so long. Dancing in England had been rigid and rote, with every step and every movement feeling as though it had been preplanned. There was no spontaneity, no creativity, but here she could flick her limbs in any way she desired, she could spin and twirl so fast that her dress billowed out, and her hair flailed as though she had been caught in a great storm. Her cheeks were soon rosy, she felt breathless, and the scene around her spun so wildly until it was a blur.

However, it soon came to a screeching halt when she saw the half profile of a familiar face. There was the aquiline nose, the straight hair, the head tilted back as she laughed. It was the face of the woman who had won Hamish. Orla stopped suddenly, filled with resentment and anger, both towards Ethel and herself. As she stared, she realized that Ethel was hanging off the arm of a tall, broad-shouldered man with brown hair down to his shoulders. He would not turn around, and although he was shielded from the crowd, it did not take much to assume that it was Hamish.

Should she speak to them? It would have been rude to ignore him, but what was she supposed to say, even if she did? Any conversation between them would have been terribly awkward as she couldn’t very well blurt out her true feelings, could she? For a moment, she wondered what might happen if she chose to shout out the truth. Everyone at the celebration would stop and turn, and they would all see the pitiful girl who was trying to crawl back into the arms of this man, when he had made another choice. They certainly looked happy, and perhaps that was more important than anything.

“I see ye hae nae forgotten how tae dance properly. England dinnae ruin ye,” a deep, rolling voice came from behind her. She almost couldn’t believe it. She was staring at him across the hall, but then somehow he was here. She turned, her eyes agog as Hamish was standing before her.