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Orla was filled with various sensations. There was elation at the kiss and burning passion that rushed through her blood in a thick torrent. The air sparkled and shimmered, and it felt as though she was floating. She honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if she opened her eyes and saw that she and Hamish had ascended to the sky and looked down at London from the heavens. There was also a sense of confusion that bubbled underneath the surface of her mind, although this was something that she buried for as long as she could, because in actual fact, kissing Hamish was perhaps the simplest thing she had ever done. Aside from all the emotions and circumstances that surrounded their kiss, and aside from asking herself whether it was proper to do this at all, the mere act of kissing was not something that she would regret. It was easy and impulsive, and it was something that filled her body with a sense of contentment and fulfillment. Kissing him felt like something she ought to do, as though the world itself would be in a state of imbalance if she did not.

His arms fit perfectly around her body, and her arms stretched around his neck, so she felt as though she was hanging off him. Yet, in a sense, she felt as though she was falling as well, falling into this deep swell of passion that opened up to her, and that dragged him down too.

Orla had no idea how long the kiss lasted. When she became lost in this sensation, time became elastic and had no meaning at all. She could very well emerge from the kiss an old woman, with wrinkled lines replacing the smooth youth, her hair grey and straggly, but she had a feeling that decades spent kissing Hamish was a life worth living.

Their perfect moment was only interrupted by the real world crashing in on them. The quiet clearing of the throat may well have been a boulder crashing down the side of a mountain, for it thundered and brought them apart. Orla was still lost in the haze of happiness as she leaned back. Hamish looked caught in a stupor as well. His cheeks were red, and the collar of his shirt was unkempt. There could be no hiding what was in his eyes this time, either. His lips were parted and he breathed heavily. Orla’s heart was still rampaging like a caged beast within her chest. She turned to see Hannah standing there, an awkward smile upon her face. She looked as timid as a mouse and when she spoke, her words faltered.

“I’m awfully sorry for interrupting you, ma’am, sir,” she said, turning towards Orla and Hamish in turn, “but I’m afraid you have some visitors ma’am. They are waiting in the receiving room for you,” she stated.

Hamish’s gaze darted about as he looked for somewhere to flee, clearly disturbed by the fact that they had been caught in the act. Orla wasn’t too bothered though. She knew that maids and servants were trained to be discreet, often stumbling upon secrets that they should never be aware of. He was about to leave, but Orla grabbed his wrist and tugged at it, indicating that she wanted him to stay. He did not move.

“Thank ye, Hannah, I shall be in presently,” Orla answered. Hannah nodded and then scurried off back to the house. Orla turned to Hamish and a smile spread across her face. He was back to being stoic again, his expression cold and plain, his features as unmoving as stone. However, when he spoke, she could hear the tremulous emotion within.

“If ye dinnae want me tae leave, I will nae,” he said.

Orla was stunned. Perhaps now she could actually get to the heart of the matter and figure out how she felt about him, and how he felt about her. There were so many factors impacting her decisions, though. Unfortunately, while the kiss had been simple, nothing else was, and now that their lips were not locked together, the rest of their situation came flooding into her mind. There was the fact that he had already left her to cavort with an Englishwoman, how he had abandoned her for the entire week, and the other elements of their interactions that had been so conflicting and confusing. Was she really going to beg him to stay now?

“I am nae gaeing tae ask ye anything. If ye wish tae stay, then stay,” she said, and promptly turned her back on him. Deep down, she hoped that he would not leave, but if he stayed, she wanted to know that it was because he wanted to, not because she had asked him to.

* * *

Orla walked briskly back into the house and caught up with Hannah. Orla pulled her into a small room that was empty.

“Hannah, I hope ye dinnae feel the need tae share what ye saw out in the garden,” Orla began, just wanting to make sure that word was not going to get back to Nova or Edward. The last thing she wanted was for them to think she was a harlot or some such. Hannah smiled nervously and shook her head.

“You don’t have anything to worry about from me, ma’am, I know it’s not my place to interfere. You and sir can get up to anything you like. I dare say you wouldn’t be the first in your position. My Ma always said to get as much as you can in before you are married,” she said, and then looked shocked, “not that I’m implying you were doing anything as improper as that, ma’am. A kiss is only a kiss, of course,” she said, her cheeks glowing like burning coals.

“Of course. Well, it was just a misunderstanding anyway. There is of course naething gaeing on between Hamish and me. It was merely something that occurred in the moment,” Orla stuttered, and then realized that the more she tried to explain things, the guiltier she looked. Hannah insisted that she had nothing to worry about, so Orla was able to leave the matter without having to fret about being outed as some ruinous woman who did not care for the rules of society.

Orla made her way into the receiving room, where Edward and Nova were waiting for her, as were Collin and his father, the Duke. Edward and the Duke were deep in conversation. The Duke glanced her way but offered nothing more than that. Clearly, he did not care about getting to know her. It was all business for him. Nova was sitting with Collin, who turned when Orla appeared and smiled widely. He rushed to see her and bowed, taking her hand and kissing her appropriately on the back of her hand. Orla blushed at this, flushed with guilt that mere moments ago she had been kissing another man far more intensely.

“I apologize for arriving without a proper announcement, but after you left the ball ill, I thought I should come and see how you were feeling. Your brother-in-law was kind enough to ask us to stay for dinner. I was hoping we could get the chance to continue our conversation.”

Yes, Orla thought, the conversation where he was speaking ill of the Highlands and promising her a life of near servitude.

“Of course,” she agreed politely. “I must apologize for rushing out, but I could nae stay there any longer. I am afraid that perhaps London life is nae for me,” she added, trying to hint simply that perhaps her life would end up elsewhere.

“I’m sure that won’t be the case after you spend some more time here. Everyone is welcome in London,” Collin said.

Orla nodded and went to sit by her sister.

“Collin was just telling me of some of the things he hopes tae achieve in the coming years,” Nova said. Orla could tell that while she was being polite, her eyes were screaming to be free of this conversation. Men always seemed to want to boast about what they would do with their lives, assuming that other people always wanted to know about it.

“I’m sure whatever plans they are, they are grand ones,” Orla stated. As Collin then began describing them in detail, Orla began to think about Hamish’s plans. Once again, the Highlands were invading her mind when she should have focused on the man in front of her, the Englishman who had always lingered in her dreams. One small thing she noticed while Collin was speaking was that he kept glancing back to his father, making it seem like he was saying all of these things more for the Duke’s benefit than for theirs.

* * *

Orla stayed with them for a while before it was time to get ready for dinner. Since they had guests, she would have to wear something fancier. As she left the room, she heard footsteps pattering after her. It was Nova. She gripped Orla by the elbow, her eyes were wide with delight.

“I thought ye should know; Collin is here tae propose. He plans tae dae it after dinner. I dinnae think he can wait any longer. I’m glad ye are feeling better taeday,” Nova said. Orla feigned happiness and then made an excuse to leave, saying that she had better make sure she looked her best, when really her insides were twisting. Not only was she not sure whether she wanted to be made a kept woman, but she was no longer sure if she wanted an Englishman at all. Could she go her whole life without kissing Hamish again?

These thoughts lingered with her even as she attended dinner. Collin made a show of how much he appreciated the way she looked, while she tried to remain quiet while the men spoke. If dinner had not been awkward enough, it was made doubly so by the fact that Hamish was present, having been asked to attend by Edward, an invitation that he could not refuse.

While the Duke and Collin spoke happily with Edward, the rest of them were quiet. Hamish was just as brooding and pensive as Orla was. She dared not look at him for fear that Collin or the Duke might suspect that something had happened between them. She also feared what she would see in his eyes. It was either going to be something that made her blood run cold, or something that would make her blood boil with anger. Knowing that a proposal was impending only made it worse. Orla knew that she should not have a feeling of dread swimming in the pit of her stomach, and yet, that was exactly how she felt. Perhaps if she just had a little more time to spend with Hamish and figure out why she felt these things for him, or even to talk with Collin more, to make sure he knew the kind of life she wanted to live. It didn’t seem fair that she had to bend herself to fit into his life, while he did not have to make any effort to accommodate her at all, but no… he was going to propose and she was expected to say yes. If not, then Edward’s reputation would be hurt, the Duke’s pride would be wounded, and everyone would see her as a fickle girl who was not ready to be part of the civilized world.

It was all terrible, and she found herself wishing for some miracle to interrupt the evening, but the courses dwindled and the hour grew late, and soon the bell of destiny would chime for her. And all the while, the kiss she had shared with Hamish still resonated in her mind, and part of her was afraid that Hamish would throw caution to the wind and reveal the truth himself.

There were so many things that could have gone wrong, and so few things that could go right.