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As soon as they returned from the ball, Orla went straight to her room. As she was tearing off her dress, she found herself getting angry at all the layers of her outfit. There was the bodice, then the bustier and the corset, and she was glad to fling them down on the ground, her face a picture of fury. She slipped a simple robe around herself and breathed easier than she had all evening. There were red marks stretching across her torso where the corset had been tied tightly around her to squash her body into an extreme hourglass shape. The marks made it look as though she had been whipped, and pain throbbed throughout the core of her body. It was with relief that she sank into bed and pulled the soft blanket around her. She brushed her fingers through her hair, allowing it to fall loosely across the pillow, and took a moment to exhale.

Was this to be her life for the foreseeable future? Collin would expect her to wear such things again and again. She had always thought English women looked so glamorous, but after experiencing the sacrifices that were needed for said glamor, she was not entirely sure it was worth all the hassle. Her feet throbbed with pain too. While the shoes she had worn that evening looked wonderful, they turned out not to be the most comfortable after being worn for hours at a time. Her toes were pinched, her little toes in particular glowed as red as a beetroot. It seemed to her that much of London was based on appearance alone. Even Collin himself had seemed far more charming until she had gotten to know more about him. He was rigid in his thinking and had no affinity for the Highlands at all. His mind was set on his ambition, and she felt as though he only wanted her as a conversation piece rather than a wife. He was probably the type to keep her separate from his business affairs as well. What would she end up doing with her life? It was no wonder that the wives of these men became dead-eyed, walking ghosts when they had nothing to excite them. She had thought them pathetic at first, but now she pitied them.

But that left her at a crossroads. After all this time, was she really going to return to the Highlands defeated? Sadly none of the other suitors she had met had thrilled her enough for her to want to see them again. She had assumed that falling in love would have been easier. Halle and Nova had certainly made it seem that way. Perhaps things would have been different, had Hamish not come along. He was the one who had ruined it all really, his kiss having tainted her and confused her with all these different thoughts.

If anyone was to blame, it was him.

* * *

Orla’s mood had not eased the following day. She had assured Nova and Edward that she felt better in the morning, but that she still was not up to taking visitors, as she did not want Collin to come around and propose now, either. After breakfast, Nova took her aside.

“Orla, I need tae hae a word with ye. I know ye must be nervous about this. It’s completely natural, but ye should nae be afraid if ye dae care about Collin.”

“I’m nae nervous,” Orla shot back. Nova wore a knowing smile.

“We are talking about the rest of ye life. If ye are nae nervous, then ye should be. But it is easy tae fear what might happen. All I can say is that it’s worth living it. Fear can only hold us back. It can never push us forward. Ye dinnae hae tae make any decisions now, but I’m sure that Collin will be a good husband for ye. He is everything ye wanted, aye? Ye could make a good life for yeself here with him, and if ye are feeling guilty about Da, then ye dinnae need tae worry. I will make sure tae look after him, and I know that ye will make ye best efforts tae visit. Edward and I hae been thinking that we might leave our estate and live in the keep with Da, taking care of it until Halle’s eldest comes of age if he wants tae be Laird. I just want ye tae know that there’s naething holding ye back if ye want tae move forward. I know how hard it hae been for ye tae wait for these things, and all I want is for ye tae hae everything ye could ever dream of. Dinnae let fear ruin it,” she said.

Orla nodded and then excused herself. How was she supposed to say that she wasn’t sure she liked Collin any longer? She would soon get a reputation for being fickle, and, given the way word spread throughout London, as she knew well from speaking to those who knew the city more intimately than her, it would be the case that the suitors would soon stop calling. It seemed as though she was at an impasse; either she could marry Collin, or return to the Highlands, defeated.

That afternoon she decided to take a walk around the gardens in the hope that it would help her clear her mind. The day was calm and mild. She wore simple clothes, ones that she had brought with her from the Highlands, as she did not want to be constricted. Her sides were still aching from the dress she had worn the previous night. The garden of the townhouse was not as elaborate as the gardens in an estate, but at least it offered an opportunity for her to get some fresh air. The sounds of London rolled through the gardens, giving a sense of a wider world outside. As soon as she entered the gardens, however, she saw Hamish sitting there, absorbed in a book.

He was sitting on a bench that was angled slightly away from her, and she had been so quiet that he hadn’t noticed her yet. His head was bowed, his attention solely focused on the words he was reading. His hair was tied back into a short ponytail, displaying his powerful neck and the dark stubble that lined his jaw. The book looked tiny in his huge hands, and she was quite certain that he would have been able to rip it in half if he wanted to. He had declared that he was leaving, but he hadn’t left yet. Time was running out for her to speak with him about the matter that had pressed upon her mind, and since he had been elusive for the past week, she did not think she could waste this opportunity.

Orla approached him. He only looked up when her shadow fell across his book. He blinked slowly. Orla crossed her arms and glared at him.

“Sae when are ye leaving?” she asked, not making any attempt to mask the harsh tone of her voice.

Hamish met her gaze and then slowly closed his book, placing it beside him. He clasped his hands in his lap and then returned his gaze to her.

“In two days. I am sorry that I shall nae be here tae celebrate ye betrothal tae Collin,” he commented. There was something about the tone of his voice that she could not quite capture. The mention of the betrothal made her eye twitch.

“I’m surprised ye are leaving sae soon. I think ye… companion would miss ye,” she suggested, referring to Ethel. “She seemed awfully fond of ye last night.”

“I was nae aware ye were paying sae much attention tae me,” Hamish said.

It was so easy for him to get under her skin. Orla shifted her weight and her glare deepened. “I was nae paying attention tae ye, I was looking at her because Collin told me she’s his cousin. And if ye want tae keep seeing her, then perhaps ye should be aware that she dinnae hae the best reputation.”

“Aye well, the Highlands dinnae hae the best reputation down here either. Perhaps it’s something that we hae in common,” Hamish retorted.

Of course he would come to her defense. “Well, then I hope that ye hae enjoyed ye time in London. I’m glad that ye were able tae find someone ye could spend time with when ye were sae miserable early on,” she said, thinking about the shopping trip they had taken together. For a moment there she had thought they might have been able to get on well with each other.

“Aye, well, we hae all found some company like that,” Hamish said. “In fact, Ethel expressed an interest in returning tae the Highlands at some point, tae see them for herself. Maybe she can come up with Collin.”

Orla narrowed her eyes. Did Hamish perhaps know about Collin’s attitude towards the Highlands? The rage flared within her and she wasn’t sure why she was so angry at the thought of him returning to the Highlands with Ethel. Perhaps the world had to remain in balance; she would stay in London, while Ethel would return to the Highlands, but Orla suspected she was getting the worse end of the deal. Why did Hamish have to be this way? Why did he have to get under her skin so much? She gritted her teeth and stepped towards him, leaning down so that their faces were inches apart. Her flaming hair dropped around her face like a veil. Now was the time to confront him. She could not wait any longer.

“Dae ye make it ye habit tae kiss unmarried lasses in the dark and moving on tae the next one that comes along?” she said. The words came out in a hissed whisper, flowing on a river of fury. As soon as she spoke these words, Hamish reacted, his eyes suddenly flashing with emotion as though lightning bolts were contained within. He rose from the bench. Orla tilted her head back, keeping her gaze focused on him. His lip curled into a snarl and when he spoke, she noticed his voice was impassioned.

“Dae ye make it ye habit tae kiss men in the dark and then proceed tae marry some dull Englishman?” he shot back.

Orla was taken aback by his jealousy. All this time she had been thinking that he cared nothing for her and that he had just brushed her aside as though she was nothing important. Had she miscalculated all this time? She knew that she should have tried to defend Collin for the sake of the betrothal that was still possible, but the words would not come out. Her mouth was agape, and as she stared at Hamish, she cared not for anything other than wanting to feel what he had made her feel before.

So this time, in the pale light of the afternoon, she was the one who kissed him. It happened so suddenly that she hadn’t even realized she was doing it until it was happening, until his hot breath swirled with hers, and her lips pressed tightly against his. She lunged forward with all her body, and he caught her in his arms. The breath was stolen from her as she pressed herself against his mighty frame, feeling heat and strength bristling upon his body. He ran his hands through her hair and she stroked his cheek, enjoying the rough stubble against her fingers. A small moan escaped her lips as it was just as it had been before.

No… it was even better.

It was more intense, more passionate, and the feelings inside her soared to an even greater extent. Her heart felt as though it was going to burst, and her body was filled with this crackling energy that teased and tingled and seized her in a fervor. His hands moved around her waist and she ignored the pain his grip caused to her tender sides, as the pleasure was overwhelming.