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It had been a few days since the ride, and Tovie still felt as though she was walking on air. Things had taken an unexpected turn in the glade. It was as though she had stepped out of her regular life for a while and become this adventurous person who was unafraid to take a risk. It was something that Niall had inspired in her, something that had been inside her all along but had only been able to come out when she felt safe, something she had never been able to do with Fraser. In all the time with her first husband, she had never felt so relaxed or at ease with herself. Niall had a way about him that made her feel entirely comfortable in her body. The fire he had stoked within her was still burning even now. There were moments when the embers flickered into incandescent flames, and she had to steady herself if she was standing. Her knees went weak at the memory of all the sensations he had conjured inside her. She had never realized how wonderful these things could be, and she longed to experience them again.

Did that make her a hypocrite? Did it make her weak?

She had spent so long being afraid of Niall, hating him for who she thought he was, but when faced with the reality of the man, she was forced to admit that he had a way of overwhelming her, of making her braver, of showing her that she could be more than she was.

It didn’t even bother her that he so clearly still had deep feelings for the woman he loved. How could she hold that against him when it was such a noble feeling? How she wished that she could feel something similar. There was no doubt that when Niall was with her, he was only thinking of her, and as their eyes had locked together, she knew he had seen her in a way that nobody had seen her before. It was the way she had always hoped and wished Fraser would look at her, but he never had. It was a look filled with adoration and affection and compassion, and it was clear that their relationship had taken a turn for the better.

Even now, she felt the surge of desire within her as she thought of his powerful hand running down the curves of her body, his deft fingers exploring the most intimate part of her, conjuring all manner of wild and aching sensations, which led to this erratic burning filling all the empty parts of her body. It was so intense that it seemed as though she had never been alive until that moment, and it was all because of him. His strong, endless body had been a rock that she could cling to. The heat that emanated from him burned the air, and when she had opened her eyes, she had been surprised that she wasn’t floating among the stars because that’s how she truly felt.

They had been busy for the past few days arranging things for the celebration. Niall had taken it upon himself to lead some hunting parties, perhaps to show that he was not going to hide away in the castle as he had been doing since his return. It was a shame because she wanted to spend more time with him, but she knew that more was going to come. That night hadn’t been enough to completely drive her fear away, but it certainly made her feel better about her prospects of being his wife, and she began to wonder if it might even lead to a life of happiness and fulfillment.

Shara saw her leaning against the wall of the castle and came rushing up to her with a concerned look on her face, thinking that Tovie was faint.

“Are ye well, my lady?” she asked, placing her hand across Tovie’s back to offer support.

“Aye, Shara, I am indeed well,” Tovie said, smiling widely.

Shara leaned back, a little surprised to see Tovie react this way.

“I hae nae seen ye smile like that since yer wedding day!” Shara said.

“Aye, well, something happened tae change my opinion of my husband,” Tovie replied.

“Oh aye? Hae ye seen a new side of him?”

“I believe I hae.” Tovie wore a secret smile, remembering the way she had felt in his arms, how she had been able to let go with him in a way she had never been able to before. It was the way she had always wanted to feel, and she felt as though she could tell him anything.

“Oh, I am glad, my lady. I suppose it was gaeing tae happen in time. Ye cannae expect tae be married tae a man and nae love him. It’s just a shame that ye hae tae abandon yer feelings for Fraser. I cannae imagine what it must be like for ye, tae hae tae grieve one man while loving another. I suppose ye are more well suited tae the ways of love than I thought.” Shara said this with a sigh, lamenting her own loveless fate. “But I hae tae sae it’s grand tae see ye like this. Ye look just as ye did when ye met Fraser for the first time. I hope that yer love for Niall can be as pure as it was for Fraser and that he can love ye just as much as Fraser did. I suppose there should be no difficulty with that; they are brothers, after all. It must be like nothing has changed at all!” She laughed lightly as she walked away, clearly believing that nothing was wrong with Tovie. However, those words hammered against Tovie’s mind and began to chip away at the faith she had begun to rebuild.

It was impossible to deny that Fraser and Niall were brothers, and the fact that Shara mentioned Tovie looked the same as she had when she had first met Fraser was alarming. Then she had been a naïve girl who knew little about the ways of the world, but had anything really changed? She was still young, still unsure, still eager to have her heart swept away by a charming man. There was a time when she thought Fraser was all the things that Niall was, and she had allowed herself to fall in love with him, much to her detriment. Had she just exchanged her feelings for another? Yes, Niall had been tender with her, but what if this was all just some cruel ploy to lull her into a false sense of security and then take advantage of her the same way Niall had done?

He had already loved a woman. What if he could never love another in the same way? What if he ended up resenting Tovie for taking Cat’s place? After all, why should she be alive and sharing his bed when Cat had died? There was such a fine line between love and anger, and Niall had already been willing to cross it when he had slain his brother. She had been grateful to him for that, but could she really look past it and ignore it?

There were so many questions rattling around in her mind. It felt as though her legs had been swept from under her. All she had to go on were her feelings and her instincts, but they had proven to be faulty in the past, so how could she trust them now?

The fear was prevalent in her mind, stalking her thoughts like a predator. Her stomach churned, and she worried that she was never going to be able to escape this grim sense of despair that clung to her soul. How was she ever going to be free when she could never trust anyone, not even herself?

She groaned as she leaned against the wall of the castle, keeping within its shadow. When she had been with Niall, everything had been so simple. Why did it have to be complicated? Perhaps that was the problem. Perhaps she needed to be around him again. Only he could quell these wild thoughts.

* * *

She strode away from the castle and hummed a tune to try and keep her mind at bay. It didn’t take long to find Niall, who was in the sparring ring again. She stopped and stared, again marveling at the sight of his bare chest clad in sweat. When he moved, she loved the sight of his muscles rippling under his flesh, and it brought back feelings of arousal within her, for she had been close to those muscles. She had felt them tighten and tense as every inch of his body had overwhelmed her, and he had taught her how a woman should be touched.

As she thought about this, the fear faded and her breathing became deeper. Her heart’s rhythm slowed. He had touched her so gently, easing her into the realm of romance and sensuality. There was such a tenderness about him that belied his intimidating size and warrior spirit, and she started to believe she was a fool for ever believing that he could have meant any harm. Of course he wasn’t like his brother. Such a thing was preposterous. She didn’t need to be terrified of him. He had already shown that he would be gentle with her, that he would take care of her.

It was strange to think all these things as she watched him in combat with another man, their fists flying through the air, their bodies twisting in bestial fury. There was still a whisper in the back of her mind taunting her and tempting her to question it all, asking her if she could truly know that he was going to take care of her, telling her that the safest thing was to run as far as she could and put as much distance between her and him as possible, to erect a shield around her that was as impenetrable as the walls of the castle.

But that wasn’t what she wanted.

She had lived enough of her life in fear, and there was going to be no more. He could teach her what love was. He could teach her what trust was. And she was ready to learn.

Instead of storming away, frustrated at the idea of being attracted to him, she allowed herself to remain and watch him in all his manly glory. Raw feelings danced inside her, taking on a life of their own, spreading through her soul and making her feel alive again. There was not as great a crowd as there had been last time, but that didn’t matter. She only had eyes for him, after all. She clasped her hands behind her back and watched, and this time, instead of noticing all the ways he was similar to Fraser, she started to notice the differences. When he fought, there was a sense of control within him, whereas with Fraser it always felt as though he fought to let out some raging beast. The more she watched, the more she became certain that they were two different men, and although they shared blood, they did not share nature. Niall was a man who embraced shame to save his clan, while Fraser did not know the meaning of the word.

But even so, the cruelty Fraser had bestowed upon her made it difficult to eradicate the layer of fear completely, but she supposed that when it came to trusting someone else, there was always an element of risk, and she would just have to be careful to not allow herself to be completely reckless. But if they were to be husband and wife, then she had her entire life to learn how to trust him, although she certainly hoped it would not take that long.