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The sun had drifted across the sky. Niall and Tovie had fallen into an easy rhythm of conversation. Now that the tension had been dealt with, they could have a fresh start, although Niall was troubled by what he had learned. To think that Fraser had turned into the kind of man that could treat a woman in such a way disgusted him and made him wonder what would have happened if he had stayed around for a while longer. He would never have enabled such behavior, and it made him see that Tovie was a lot stronger than she appeared. In many ways, she reminded him of Cat, but there were other elements to Tovie that impressed him. After spending more time in conversation with her, he found that she had a wicked sense of humor too.
There were moments when guilt flickered within his heart, for he felt as though he was betraying Cat’s memory, but he tried to push those aside. Relief washed through him as he had spoken about her. It felt good to actually face his pain rather than bury it deep down inside him, and he wondered if that was the way that Tovie felt as well. Perhaps they had more in common than he first thought. Tovie told him more about her family and the land she came from while Niall revealed why he had left and how difficult it had been when his father had married his stepmother. He also told her stories of his exploits in the wildlands, and at some of them, she reacted with wide eyes, exclaiming loudly and accusing him playfully of lying and trying to make a fool of her, but he shook his head and promised that everything he told her was the truth.
“Aye, the truth,” she said with a knowing look in her eye, nodding slowly. “If we’re talking about the truth, then answer me a question. Are ye glad tae be home?”
Niall ran his tongue along his gums. “I’m glad that my clan haes a place of safety. But there are moments when I feel as though returning home has proven me tae be a failure. I could nae keep people safe out there. I could nae keep them alive—” He choked on his words again, thinking about Cat.
“Are ye gaeing tae live in the past all yer life, Niall?” she asked.
The question surprised him. “What dae ye mean?”
“From the moment we met, I hae been trying tae understand the look in yer eyes. There is something that haunts ye, and now I know what it is. It’s that night, isnae it? That night when yer village burned. Ye are still there, in yer mind.”
He wasn’t sure how she had done it, but somehow she could see into his mind. She was right. There he was, amid the smoke and ash, choking on the thick air, walking across the black ground. Liquid streamed down his cheeks, and he wasn’t sure if the tears were caused by sorrow or simply from the biting smoke. He cried out, his throat getting hoarse and raw, but he wasn’t going to stop until he had found them all.
There were none of them to find. Those who survived had fled the fire and ran to the woods, and they soon came out. Those who had been caught in the blaze had been killed by bandits or forced to endure the flames. Heat licked the air. Niall wanted to believe that they were still alive, but he knew it was too late. He had been too late.
“Their deaths will always be with me,” he said gently, not daring to look at Tovie because he was afraid of what else she could see in his eyes.
“But what about yer life? Are ye content tae be a dead man walking?” she asked.
“What else can I be? My pride cost people their lives, I missed my father’s death, and I slew my brother.”
“Ye gave people a home and a sense of belonging where other people shunned them. Ye stood up for them. Ye haed the courage tae leave yer home and yer birthright because ye knew there was something better out there for ye. Ye killed a villain, a man who was more interested in war than anything else. Ye can feel guilty about the other two things, but dinnae feel guilty about that, please. I was fooled intae thinking I loved him. But he never loved me. He tricked me, and he made me a prisoner.”
“He was still my brother, my kin,” Niall said, finding it difficult to free himself of the torment he thought he deserved.
Tovie moved closer to him, so close that he could feel her warmth battling against the coolness of the air. Strands of red hair brushed against her cheeks. She took her shirt and lifted it, revealing the gentle curve of her hip. Niall was stunned, surprised that she would show him something so intimate. At first, heat ran through his body at the sight of this exposed skin. Even though she was technically his wife, he did not believe he had a right to see this. But when he looked closer, he saw the faint scar that ran across her otherwise flawless skin.
“That is his handiwork,” she said bluntly. “The bruises faded from my flesh, but the fear haes never left me.”
Niall was transfixed by the sight of her exposed flesh, and he reached out gently, tracing the scar with the tip of his finger. It was too much for Tovie, though, who recoiled, dropping her top and sitting back. Niall felt like such a fool.
“I hae my scars tae,” he said.
“I know, I hae seen them,” Tovie replied, and her gaze fell to his body.
Once again, he thought he saw a glimmer of attraction. He could feel something stirring within him as well, and he wasn’t sure if he should fight it or not. She had asked him if he was always going to live in the past. It reminded him of something Cat had told him not long after they first met. Even then, he had been brooding about his history. She had a lightness of spirit that was intoxicating, though, and he had always wondered how she could have been so free in life that she could have moved past the tragedy she had experienced. She had told him that the best way to honor the memories of those she had lost was to live as well as she could, to make the most of every moment she had because they had the opportunity no longer. There had been a night when she had made him promise that he would do just that if anything ever happened to her, and he realized that he had not been living up to that promise.
Now he was sitting in a glade with Tovie, beautiful Tovie. He looked up and began to swim in the pools of her eyes. They sparkled as if they had a light of their own, as though two stars had fallen from the sky and settled within them. Now that she knew the truth about what she had been through, he realized how foolish he had been to make the assumption that she hated him for killing her husband. Instead, she had been scared that he was like Fraser, and now he was filled with the need to prove that he was a good man. She was gentle and soft and kind, and even when she had been afraid of him, she had challenged him for the good of his own clan. She only wanted the best for people, and that was a quality he could easily fall in love with. That was a quality he would want in a wife.
Swirling feelings caught hold of him and swept through his body in a powerful wave. He reached out to her again, this time taking her hand gently. She did not turn away. He inched closer to her, feeling the soft warmth of her body pressing against his. He felt himself falling into her, as though she was the balm he had been looking for, as though she was everything that would make things right in the world.
“Let me show ye how a husband should treat a wife,” he said in a low, rolling whisper.
“Just be gentle with me, Niall,” she replied.
She looked so innocent in that moment, so loving, and he could not understand how any man could mistreat her. If he hadn’t been so lost in his feelings of desire in that moment, he would have been confused about his brother and how Fraser could have tainted a most blessed gift that had been bestowed upon him. A woman’s love was rare, and Tovie had given it to Fraser only for him to twist it into something forlorn and pitiful. But that didn’t mean she had to condemn herself to that fate forever. It didn’t mean she had to only know fear.
He reached up and caressed her cheek. She closed her eyes as if bracing herself for a sharp touch that was never going to come. He pushed back errant strands of hair and felt her body shudder as she grew used to the new touches. He too welcomed the gentle reminders of what love could be like, and as he leaned toward Tovie, he moved farther from the past, letting it go, ready to begin a new phase of his life, ready to be a better man.
His hand gripped the back of her head as he kissed her. Their lips locked together. Hers were soft and warm, and as they kissed, a long moan rippled out of her mouth. Her breath was warm, and his was fire, and within his chest, his heart sounded like thunder. They broke away to catch their breath. There was a look of wonderment upon her face, and she stared at him as though she was in a daze. She clutched at his tunic, almost as though she was making sure this was real and not a dream, and then she kissed him back.
His arms wrapped around her like vines, and her hair flowed over his face like a veil, and they lost themselves in each other. His body tingled and trembled, and his hands ran down her curves, for he wanted to prove that she could be touched in a gentle manner, that a man’s touch could bring pleasure as well as pain. She murmured delight and gasped in his ear as his hands ran down her body. He was slow and gradual, and at the first sign of any tension he would stop and pull back, but she never asked him to stop. She never gave him any sign that she was uncomfortable. Their kisses deepened and their tongues danced together as he lay her on the ground, and she looked up at him lovingly. His hand drifted down to the part of her body that radiated heat, the beautiful femininity that ran slick and welcoming, and he watched delight dance in her eyes as he touched her.
It was the barest stroke at first, his fingertips like a ghost against her before he pressed his palm against the warmth. As he kissed her, he plunged his fingers inside her and curled them back and forth, showing her how a man should touch a woman, showing her how a husband could make love to wife, and as he did all this, he felt himself reclaiming the things that made him great as well. He felt a surge of vigor, and as he heard her fervent moans crashing against his ear, he felt reborn, he felt strong again, and it was all because of Tovie.