Page 23

18

When Ainsly awoke, she thought she was dead. She half expected to open her eyes and be greeted by her father and mother and all those other souls who had been lost over the years. The room was dark, and candlelight flickered upon the ceiling. For a moment, there was nothing, and then the aching pain reached her. She lifted a hand to her chest and felt her heart beating, before reaching around over her shoulder. She winced but braced the pain to feel where the arrow had struck her. The dressing to the wound was there, which meant that it hadn’t been a dream. She licked her lips and swallowed, although her throat was incredibly dry. Her mind was hazy, and her thoughts groggy, but her mood was lifted when she saw Ian sitting at her bedside. He was slumped in a chair, his body at an uncomfortable angle, and light snores drifted from his lips. He looked so peaceful there, and she was filled with guilt.

As the fog drifted from her mind, she became more aware of the pain. It was almost as though the arrow was still lodged in her back. That moment flashed through her mind again. She closed her eyes and shuddered as she felt the skin ripping as the arrow tore through her body. It was a sensation she never wanted to experience again, and yet she knew she deserved it. Because of her, Ian had almost died. She should have warned him, should have told him the truth so all of this could have been avoided.

It was only her silly ego that had gotten in the way. She had been afraid of losing everything, but she had almost lost everything anyway! If he had died, she knew she would never have been able to live with herself and the rest of her life would have been a morose one. But what was going through Ian’s mind? Was he here to forgive her or condemn her? He must have known by now that she had been involved in the plot, and worse, she had kept it from him. She was his wife, and she was supposed to share everything with him. They were supposed to rely on each other and trust each other more than anyone else, and she had forsaken all of that. He had told her that he would never lie to her, but she had not been able to keep the same promise.

When she thought of their time by the lake and the bed they shared, she wondered if she had made it all into a lie. She wondered if things could ever be the same again. But how could he trust her after this? What if he never believed anything she said again?

On instinct, she turned around and lay on her back, so lost in her anguish that she had forgotten about her wound. As soon as she put any weight on it the pain blazed through her and she almost emptied the contents of her stomach for it was that intense. She rested on one elbow and tried to remember to never make that mistake again. It had only been four years ago when she had been in the position Ian was, sitting by a loved one who was hearing the call of death. Then, she had been filled with sorrow and wondered how she was going to live without her father. She had been picked as his successor, but the prospect had been daunting, and she hadn’t truly known if she would be able to fulfill the role.

Now, four years on, she still felt as unsure as she had on that night. Without her father, she had no idea how she was going to find her way through the world. He was always a source of wisdom and reminded her of her place in the world.

At the time, he had opened his weary eyes and placed his hand upon hers. He had told her that her place was with the clan, no matter what. It had made her feel better then, and it made her better now thinking about it. She had made mistakes in her life, there was no doubt about that, but she also knew what she wanted: to protect her clan and be happy. During the last four years, she had closed off a part of herself that needed to flourish, and with Ian that had happened. She had starved her heart, but he had fed it, and now it blossomed into something beautiful. She would never be able to thank him enough for that, but she wanted to spend her life trying.

Her throat was so dry that she couldn’t bear not drinking any longer. Her muscles ached so terribly that it was difficult to move. As she reached over to grab a mug of water that had been left by her bedside, she overreached, and the mug tumbled to the floor, making a clatter that seemed louder because the room was shrouded in silence.

Ian woke up, startled. As soon as he saw that Ainsly was awake, he smiled.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out. There were so many other things she wanted to say, so many things she needed to share with him, but that was the most important one. She only hoped that he could find it in his heart to forgive her.