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That is a terrible plan, said Lily’s voice.

I don’t care that you’re always right, Remy said back. I can’t be here any longer. Not if I don’t know whether I get to keep this.

Jed found him fifteen minutes later, stopping in the doorway of the guest room, where Remy was throwing clothes into his suitcase. Remy heard him come to the door, and he definitely smelled the coffee Jed was holding—you’re going to miss the coffee—but he didn’t turn around. He hadn’t figured out what he was going to say to Jed yet.

“Going somewhere?” Jed asked after a moment. His voice was steady and even. Deceptively even, Remy knew. Yeah, Jed was not happy. Maybe even on the edge of angry.

“I, uh, yeah. I thought that since the season ended, I should go back to Montreal. Like, at least until I know whether I’m going to have a contract for next year.” Remy knew it sounded weak, but there was too much swirling around inside of him to come up with something better.

“You thought you’d, what, do that today?”

“Why put it off, right?” His throat closed up as he said that, because it hurt, and it wasn’t like he wanted this.

Silence. And then Jed’s voice, not so even now. Tight and quiet. “How about you turn around and look at me while you tell me that you’re taking off?”

“I was gonna talk to you about it before I left.” Remy couldn’t turn around, even if every part of him wanted to be wrapped up in Jed’s arms.

More silence. Remy felt Jed move closer. Saw his strong hand reach out and put the mug with the coffee he’d made for Remy down on the dresser. Remy braced himself for whatever was coming next, afraid that if he turned around and looked, Jed’s eyes would be cold and closed off again. There was no way Jed would understand the panic that had overtaken him.

Jed reached out and put an unexpectedly gentle hand on his arm, and Remy flinched. The hand dropped, and Remy felt Jed back away again.

“You know we both have to go in tomorrow for clean-out. You can’t just take off tonight.”

Remy had forgotten. Surely it didn’t matter if he missed the final team meeting. He could go in today and grab his stuff on the way to the airport. Although that would probably torpedo any last hope he had of getting an offer from Colorado. He wasn’t quite ready to do that yet.

“I’ll leave tomorrow, then.”

Silence, again.

“If that’s what you want.” Jed’s voice was flat and so very quiet.

It’s not what I want at all, Remy thought, closing his eyes against the hot tears that welled up. I want to be good enough for Colorado to make me an offer so that I can stay here with you. But he was certain that if he tried to talk, tears would start to leak out and maybe wouldn’t stop.

So he stood there with his eyes closed and listened to Jed’s footsteps move slowly back down the hall. He heard the garage door open and close, the SUV start up and back down the driveway. Then and only then did he take a few deep breaths, open his eyes, and finish packing his bag.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

JED

It was a good thing that Jed had driven down the mountain half-asleep more times than he could count, because he found himself getting on the highway without any memory of how he’d arrived there.

Even though they’d lost in the first round, even though the season was done, he’d felt good that morning when he woke up with Remy deep asleep beside him. For the first time ever, the offseason didn’t stretch ahead empty and bleak. For the first time ever, there was something he wanted to do more than hockey.

He’d let himself lie there for a few minutes thinking about where he wanted to take Remy first, wondering if there was still enough snow on the ground higher up in the mountains for cross-country skiing and whether Remy would enjoy getting away to Aspen or Vail for a few days after the final team meeting tomorrow.

He’d left Remy sleeping and done his usual stretching because he was stiff and sore from the game the night before. Then he made a big pot of coffee to drink on the deck once Remy woke up. He’d been relaxing on the couch, not even scrolling through the news—just looking out the windows and contemplating putting up the bird feeders he’d bought the summer before—when he realized that Remy was up and moving around. Remy didn’t come out, though, and remembering how painful it was when his own first season ended, Jed had poured a cup of coffee to take to him, ready to offer reassurance.

Finding Remy packing his bags had been like taking a puck to his gut without pads. They’d had an understanding. He’d been so fucking sure they were on the same page now. Remy’s smiles and touches hadn’t all been lies, he knew that. So how the hell had they ended up here?

Jed didn’t feel like he made a conscious decision about where to go, but when he reached the exit for Hal’s house, he knew he’d been aiming for it all along. He felt bad about interrupting Hal’s first day off, though, so instead of going right to the door after he parked in the driveway, he pulled out his phone.

Grant

Hey

Can you talk?

Hal responded right away, which made him feel marginally better.