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Joyride

Page 93

by D.J. Jamison

I nodded.

“It’s Reba Winger. She’s struggling to forgive her husband for his role in her injury. I don’t know if she’s told you the details.”

“She was injured in a skiing accident. That’s all I know.”

“Well, her husband was playing around, and he cut in front of her. Reba veered to avoid him, and well, you know the result.”

I winced. Reba had shattered her leg. She’d rolled into a tree at a high speed. Had she struck differently, she might be paralyzed like Dakota or even dead.

“He feels terrible, of course,” Piper said. “But that doesn’t change the pain Reba is going through. He shows up to visit her, and she won’t even talk to him.”

My last session with Reba hadn’t gone particularly well. She’d been unmotivated. Frustrated. Maybe a little depressed.

“That explains a lot. She’s been struggling with the PT.”

“I was afraid of that. I’ll have to do some extra sessions with her.”

“I’m not sure what it has to do with me and Joey, though. It’s a very different situation.”

“Yes and no. It’s easy to blame someone you don’t know for a mistake. It gives you a target for all those negative feelings. But when it’s someone you’re emotionally invested in? Well, the betrayal goes deeper. Reba lost her sense of safety with her husband. Even if she knows what he did was unintentional, it changed her perception of him. Tilted her world on its axis.”

“I don’t feel unsafe with Joey, though.”

“Maybe not physically, but emotions are complicated. You liked him. So, finding out the truth of who he was would have been a shock. It tilted your world on its axis.”

I blew out a hard breath. “I was furious at first.”

“And now? How do you feel?”

“Conflicted,” I said. “I should have walked away from him, you know? But I couldn’t. I mean, fuck, what the hell am I doing messing around with this guy? Is my self-control really that bad? I should have written him off without a second look.”

“But you didn’t,” Piper said, “because deep down, you agree with Dakota.”

I sent her a startled glance. “What do you mean?”

“Joey was eighteen years old when he caused that accident. He was young. He was stupid. He made some reckless choices.”

“Yeah. So?”

“So, maybe you’re not convinced your anger is justified.”

I scoffed. “Then why can’t I just forgive him?”

“I’m not sure he’s the one you really need to forgive.”

“What do you mean?”

She patted my arm. “Come on, Kit, you know this already. Everything you just said to me was about you. You can’t believe you didn’t walk away. That you don’t have enough self-control to resist him. You’re angry because you got involved with him, and he’s someone who caused you and your family a lot of pain. But you’re not angry at him for it. You’re angry at yourself. Until you acknowledge where your anger and resentment are coming from, you’ll never let it go.”

“Should I let it go, though?”

My anger was the only thing keeping my feet on the ground when it came to Joey. Without it, I feared I’d lose all sense and fall in love with the man. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t love a man who’d put my sister in a wheelchair for life. What the hell would that make me?

Piper sent me a sympathetic smile. “Only you can decide that. As a therapist, I’d say that this kind of resentment only hurts you in the long run. But as a person, I’d say this is a really tough situation. No one can understand what you’re feeling but you.”

She started jogging again, and I fell into step with her. She picked up the pace, running too quickly for conversation, and I was grateful. She’d given me a lot to think about, but it was all jumbled together with emotions I hadn’t fully made sense of. I’d need some time to sort it out.

I focused on the pounding of my heart, the thudding of my feet striking the ground, the rustle of the wind in the leaves. My head cleared, and I ran.