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Most of all, I hated that Joey had to be the man who’d caused so much pain and grief.

Because otherwise, I was pretty sure I could have loved him.

CHAPTER 19

JOYRIDE

I shoved my bedding into the washer at the main house and added a Tide pod. Hesitated. Then added a second one. Things had gotten pretty messy with Kit last night.

And the night before.

And the one before.

But who was counting? Oh, that’s right. I was. We’d hooked up five times now, including that night at Ignite. That first time almost seemed like a different lifetime.

We’d certainly been different people to each other than we were now.

I shut the washer door with a clang, then walked into the kitchen, where Mom was making coffee.

“More laundry?” she asked.

“Yep. Guess I got behind on some stuff. I’m just catching up.”

“Hmm. You want coffee?”

I considered it. “Nah, I’m on my way out.”

“You’re always on your way out,” she said, sounding a little sad. “When you’re here, you’re never here.”

“I’m sorry, Mom. I’ve just been keeping busy with work and volunteering.”

She nodded. “Your dad says he saw someone out at your place the other night. Are you having friends over?”

“Uh, just one friend. Yeah.”

“Just a friend?”

I did not want to explain to my mother the complicated story that was Kit and me. Bad enough when I’d had to tell Hollywood.

“I should get going. I’ve got a parole meeting.”

“It’s okay if you have a boyfriend, Joey, but we’d like to meet him. If he’s going to be spending the night here⁠—”

“He’s not.”

She didn’t seem to know what to say to that. She crossed the kitchen and reached out to smooth my hair. I took a step back, dodging her touch. She looked hurt, but I couldn’t handle the way she always treated me like a little boy.

She let her hand fall to her side, lips turned down. “Why do you keep shutting us out?”

“I’m not trying to.”

“Do you blame us for getting you sent to prison? I wish that things had gone differently, Joey. I hope you know that.”

“No, Mom. Of course not.” I’d blamed my father when I was first arrested. Before the ramifications of my choices fully sank in. It took a lot of reflecting for me to see all the ways I’d sent my life off the rails. I couldn’t blame my parents or my sexuality crisis or my best friend, Trevor, falling for a girl instead of magically becoming bi and loving me instead.

Those were contributing factors. But I’d been the one to let my emotions rule me. Been the one to throw caution to the wind. To take risks with terrible consequences.

I had to own that.