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I’d tried not to know him. Not really.
But there were so many things I’d picked up along the way. The important things that told me all I really needed to know about him.
His sincerity. His deeply rooted desire to please. The close bond he had with the other guys in Redemption Road. His genuine fondness for my sister, which had surpassed guilt and atonement and evolved into friendship. Sure, I knew he liked to play loud rap music in his car and that he preferred Sprite over other sodas and that he thought sausage-and-peppers ’zacos were best—and there were hundreds of little likes and dislikes I had yet to learn—but those were just the window dressing for the man he was deep down.
The one who wanted to put only good out into the world. The one who carried a terrible mistake, but instead of letting it twist him into something ugly, actively worked to make amends the only way he knew how.
“You’re brave,” I said. “You confronted your worst mistake, you faced my anger and resentment head-on, and you tried to do the right thing. Do you know how rare that is, Joey?”
“I wanted absolution,” he said. “It was selfish to bring that letter to Dakota. I should have left you both alone.”
“No. Because then I wouldn’t know you,” I said. “And I know there’s so many things I’ve yet to learn. I held myself back, held us both back from truly getting to know each other, but I want a chance to change that. Because I know enough, Joey. You’re a good guy. You’re doing your best. And you’ll always be good enough for me.”
He stared at me for a long minute, seeming speechless.
The office door opened behind him. A woman poked her head out. “Everything okay out here, J-Dog?”
Joey’s shoulders crept up. He cleared his throat and turned. “Yeah, all good!”
Her eyes flicked to me. I gave a nod. “All good.”
She smiled. “All right. Well, Joey’s at work right now, so you’ll need to finish your chat later.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said.
She withdrew into the office, the door closing with a small snick. I glanced back at Joey. “Sorry.”
“Just go,” he said. “I can’t do this here.”
I nodded. “Will you call me later?”
He hesitated. “I don’t know. I need some time to think.”
I wanted to keep arguing. Wanted to extract a promise that he’d reach out to me, even if it was just to tell me to fuck off. But Pauline was still watching us through her office window.
I forced myself to take a step back. Then another. I turned for the door, craning my head to get one more look at Joey, standing in his cute blue vest with cartoon pictures of cats and dogs on it. His floppy hair soft and shiny around his face. His eyes were deep and dark with a sadness I wanted to replace.
He’d smiled this morning at breakfast. Seemed lighter, somehow. If only Dad hadn’t texted about coming by. If only the real world hadn’t come along to pop our bubble.
If only Joey didn’t believe all my bullshit these past weeks about him not meaning everything to me.
Now, whatever happened next was going to be up to him.
I didn’t like it, this sudden change in dynamic, but it was more than fair. I’d set the terms of our engagement up to this point. It was Joey’s turn to decide what he really wanted.
I just hoped he’d be more forgiving than I’d been and give me a chance to be the man he really deserved.
CHAPTER 29
JOEY
“I still don’t know why you wanted to meet here,” Logan said.
I shrugged. He’d been texting me about getting together for a while now and I’d put him off because my old crowd didn’t always fit with my new life. The last time we hung out, I’d gotten into a bar fight and damn near got arrested. It would have violated my parole and sent me back to prison.
So I’d steered clear.
But today? Well, I didn’t really care what happened today. I just wanted an excuse not to think about Kit—or the way he’d said he loved me and wanted me when we both knew it could never work.
