Page 15 of See Through

“I know.” She grabs one of the blankets and makes it comfortable under our legs. “Come here,” she offers me her shoulder this time.

“This isn’t going to be comfortable for you. Why don’t you just lie on my lap like you used to? I don’t want to keep you up.”

Back in college, when we used to stay up really late studying, we used to fall asleep at the library. Most of the time, we moved from the tables to the floor of the study rooms when we needed a change, and she always used to fall asleep across my lap. The same thing happened when I took care of her after Adrian died. She could never get comfortable in her bed, so we sat on her floor or against the futon in her living room, and I let her fall asleep on me. It always worked, especially when I put white noise on in the background.

“You remember that?”

“How could I forget?”

My eyes go from hers to her lips, unable to break our stare. Her eyes are like a magnet for mine, and sometimes, I can’t believe I get to be this close to her without being able to make her mine.

“Get some sleep,” she whispers, guiding my head to her shoulder as she pulls the blanket up on both of us.

“I’ll try, baby.”

CHAPTER EIGHT

“I’ve officially gone insane.”

All I hear is Maven laughing her ass off, and I have no idea why she thinks it’s funny I’m having years’ worth of epiphanies in one hour. Her long black hair that’s currently in a braid sits on her shoulder. She recently dyed the ends red, and I still don’t know how it’s so vibrant. Her brown eyes are closed because of the laughter, and her eyeliner is as sharp as always. She always tells me if her eyeliner isn't as sharp as her jawline, it’s not going to be a good day.

Maven tries out different hair colors all the time. This time, the ends are red, but last time, she had gone from her natural chestnut brown hair to black, and now, this pop of color. She has piercings all over her ears and one in her nose, and she loves experimenting with colors, hairstyles, makeup looks, and anything she can. She always told me that’s how she keeps her personality shining through.

“This isn’t funny,” I reiterate as I pace around my apartment. “I’m having feelings. This isn’t normal.”

“Not normal? Babe.” She grabs my arm and stops me. “First of all, you’ve had feelings before, especially when it comes to the romance department. Second of all, I told you so.”

“Ugh.” I roll my eyes, but she’s right. She did tell me so. “I’ve only had one boyfriend since Adrian died, and we both know how that ended. I’m just worried about what might happen if I say it out loud. We’re friends, Maven. Best friends. This isn’t normal.”

“It actually is completely normal when you have another best friend who has been saying this for years. I don’t know how you haven’t seen it before now. The way his eyes sparkle when he looks at you. The way his head snaps to look at you when you’re laughing, as if he wants to know what made you laugh. He’s terrible at hiding it, Aubrey. That boy is in deep with you.”

My head falls to my hands. How did I not notice this before? How did it take one night of him on pain meds for me to feel my chest cave in at all the nice things he said? How was one night all it took for me to really hear him?

He fell asleep on my shoulder, and after ‘baby’ slipped out of his mouth, my heart rate sped up. Then, he started snoring, falling asleep quickly, when, normally, he tells me he can’t sleep after a nightmare. He always gets up and works out after the really bad ones, but this time, with his head on my shoulder, he fell asleep immediately.

And I liked it.

“I’m screwed. Do you know what this is? This is, like, when someone you know chews really loudly, but you never notice it until one day, someone else brings it up, and now it’s all you can hear or think about! I mean, seriously, Mave, how did I not notice this before now? Am I blind? Maybe I need to get my eyes checked? Or my brain? Or…everything?”

“Huh, that’s actually the perfect analogy.” She laughs at me. I’m in the middle of a crisis, and my best friend is laughing at me. “You’re not screwed. I’ve been waiting for this day for ages. Even when you were with…what was his name again?”

“Shane?” I remind her of my ex, whose name she should remember. I spent far too many nights talking through his ultimatum with her.

“Yes!” She claps her hands. “What was that stupid thing he said to you before you broke up with him?”

“Maven, there’s no way you don’t remember this. You have a better memory than me.”

“I know, but I think if we talk this through, it will make more sense to your brain.”

“Fine.” I sigh heavily. “He made me choose between him and Dean, remember? We had gone to Dean’s birthday party a few days before that, and I had given Dean that scrub cap I saw that I thought was cute. It was a simple gift.” Or so I thought.

“I remember the way he looked at you as he opened that. There you were, sitting on Shane’s lap, and there he was, stealing glances at you any chance he could get. He was so obvious, and I remember after he pulled you aside to thank you for the gift, Shane’s eyes were staring the two of you down.”

“He was an asshole for doing what he did.” What kind of person makes someone choose between their boyfriend and their best friend? Shane and I had only been dating for, like, six months when it had come up, which made me wonder how long he had been holding on to that. Not only was my channel just starting to take off, but Dean was by my side far before he was. How did he think that was going to go?

“He was,” Maven agrees with me. “Too controlling. He had tiny dick energy.”

I wonder why I hadn’t noticed before, when all the signs were in front of me. When Dean pulled me aside at his birthday party, he thanked me for the scrub cap and hugged me. I didn't think anything of it until Shane brought it up. We’re friends. Friends hug each other and get each other nice gifts for their birthday. Besides, when I saw that scrub cap, I had to get it for Dean. It was a little too perfect. It’s pink with ghosts all over it. When he saw it, he said it was perfect because even at work he would have a reminder of his favorite person and⁠—