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Eliza rubbed my shoulder. “Give him some time, Kat.”
“We don’t have time. The longer we let it lie, the harder it will be to correct the damage.”
Correct the damage? I felt like a thread about to snap. The worst of the damage was already done.
“Kat,” Eliza said firmly, “there’s clearly something wrong here other than what happened at the picnic. Beric has killed on the king’s orders plenty of times before without suffering in this way.” She paused and looked at me. “Does this have to do with Cali?”
My lack of a response must have given me away, because Eliza rubbed my shoulder one last time and stood. “I’ll check on you in a little bit,” she said, and left the room.
The room was silent for a moment.
Kat sighed. “So you’re determined to stay silent, when the fate of everyone here depends on your information?”
“Reproach from you?” I scoffed, sitting up to plant my feet on the floor, regain some control of myself. “As if you’re ever open and honest with anyone.”
“Why do you hate me so, Beric?” Kat said, and for once it felt as if a person was speaking to me instead of a queenly persona. “I have never been anything but good to you.”
“I don’t hate you.” I took a heavy breath, running a hand through my hair. “I just don’t trust you.”
“Why, pray? What have I done?”
“Nothing,” I said, and I felt numb in saying it—because this was how things had always been. “You do nothing. You watch from your safe little corner and leave me to deal with the king by myself.”
Kat gave me a look, as if to say Is that all? As if that wasn’t everything. “I deal with him plenty, trust me.”
“In writing, mostly.”
“To ensure that I never ‘misremember’ his orders.”
I scoffed. “Anything to keep yourself out of the line of fire.”
Kat frowned at me, but I couldn’t quite read her expression.
“What makes your way of surviving better than mine?” she said, finally. “You can match his strength, you can protect yourself with magic. I have neither of those things. All I have is his affection for me as protection, and we both know that can only serve you for so long. Vi is proof enough of that.”
In all this time, it had never occurred to me that Kat was afraid of the man she seemed to worship. She had never let her façade slip before. Ten years of working together, and she had never trusted me with the truth.
It felt like a betrayal somehow. “You were trained to survive. You knew the dangers of the king far before I ever did. And yet, you let me step into those dangers without the guidance you received. You let me handle his wild whims alone. You pretended the king was good, and made me feel crazy for thinking otherwise.”
“You had Vi to help you—”
“We both know that’s not true.”
She was silent. She knew she couldn’t argue on that point, as much as she loved to pretend the lore presented to the public was true.
“Beric,” she said slowly, as if controlling her tongue. “What happened yesterday?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted, harshly.
Kat looked at me, as if trying to catch me in a lie. But this was normal for us, wasn’t it? Speaking of business and duty. Cleaning up the king’s messes.
As if she hadn’t just opened up to me. As if she hadn’t finally told me the truth.
I huffed. “The man was drunk. He tried to duel me. I dispatched him and ordered him sent to the dungeons. The king wasn’t satisfied.”
“Yes, I knew that much.”
“Then you know everything.”