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We walked on in silence after that. As we reached the abbey and climbed the stairs, I found I was a bit disappointed that nothing further had happened. Still, there was always the walk back. In the meantime, Beric led us to some prayer benches, and we knelt beside each other.

It was hard to separate the abbey from my traumatizing wedding day, but I supposed that would pass in time. Especially since it was as beautiful as the path leading to it, stained glass windows spreading shimmering color along the walls and pews. And especially with Beric here beside me. He leaned his forehead against his folded arms, and it was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen. Like a little boy. Not formally praying but exchanging secrets with God.

Please, God, I wanted to pray, I want this sweet boy to love me. But for some reason, the only thing I could think of was a verse I’d studied from when I was little.

Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.

I frowned. What did that have to do with anything? God was clearly being silent, and my mind was wandering. But I couldn’t be blamed for it, could I? I was so excited about what might come next, I could burst.

A few minutes later we were on our way again. Beric offered me his arm, and I took it without hesitation. It was only polite, of course, for a gentleman to escort a lady down the stairs, but this felt so much more intimate than that.

This time, I was determined to give Beric the space he needed to confess his feelings for me. I wouldn’t introduce a topic or fluster him with interruptions. I would wait until he was ready, which was hopefully before we reached the palace.

“Now that we’re alone,” he said, finally. “I hope you’ll indulge me to speak freely.”

I smiled up at him. “We’ve been more alone than this many times before, Beric.”

“Yes, but this is rather sensitive. And I just hope you’ll agree.”

My heart fluttered, and I forced back a knowing smile. I had only hoped for a confession.… He couldn’t be … no, of course not. This couldn’t be a proposal. I was married to the king, after all. Don’t be naive, Cali.

And yet, Katarine had said that the king’s wives whose roles weren’t to love the king found love in other places.

But did I want this? A relationship with Beric, where we were more than knight and squire? If I erased all the strife and frustration to do with my cousin, I did like him very much. He was gorgeous and kinder than I had given him credit for, if a bit abrupt at times. And, after today, the way he saved my life, the way he held me in his strong arms. The way I always felt so connected with him when we sang. The way he made me feel so safe. Understood what I needed. Ann could laugh at me all she wanted—I had been dreaming of a love like this since I was a little girl.

And maybe it wasn’t truly love yet, even if I did love the way it felt. But it could be. I had no doubt that it could be, in time.

“I’m sure I’ll agree,” I said, forcing my voice to be casual. “I trust your instincts.”

“Do you? I’m glad to hear it.” Beric took a moment to collect his words. I didn’t rush him. Something as wonderful as a confession couldn’t be rushed. “Because, what happened today, with you getting injured so severely … It made me realize I can no longer in good faith stand aside while your cousin parades around pretending to be a squire.”

My nerves were conflicted, not knowing how to feel, and my heart sputtered when he finally looked at me and said, “I think it’s best for everyone if you dismiss your cousin from her position.”

My stomach dropped, forcing my steps to halt. Beric stopped beside me, his hand suddenly against the small of my back, as if I might swoon and he might steady me. Such gallant behavior for such an underhanded errand.

“She will be engaged any day now,” I said. My voice came out more harshly than intended, but this boy was once again frustrating me beyond comprehension. “And then she’ll be welcome at court with or without me.”

“She is not welcome to court with you unless she’s your squire, and we both know she is not.”

“You said yourself the king doesn’t want to go to battle presently. If you’ll only give her a few more days, this will no longer be an issue.”

“You were nearly killed because of her, and I should give her a few more days?” He scoffed and looked away, as if he was having trouble understanding my point of view. “You are far too giving for your own good, so allow me to be vicious for you. If you will not dismiss your cousin tonight, tomorrow morning I will speak with the queen myself to have her removed.”

Anger rose up within me as I glared up at him. I can’t believe I expected a love confession from this arrogant, son of a—“Are you threatening me, my lord?”

“Only informing you of my intention, my lady,” he replied, his voice on edge.

“Your intention is to my detriment.”

“To your cousin’s, perhaps.”

The pause was long enough, his look deep enough, that I almost wanted to tell Beric everything—to pour out my heart without regret, to allow him to take this burden from me and handle it as he did every other problem I’d had since I arrived, as only he could.

But I couldn’t. Anise was far too determined to ever let me have a happy life if I did.

Beric broke eye contact, leaving me blinking helplessly. “It was poor judgment on my part to bring you out here—the long walk has exhausted you after your injury. Allow me to escort you back to your room.”

“Where would you send her?” I blurted. “Hasn’t she seen too much to leave here alive?”