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Still, he doesn’t move. There’s something almost pained in his expression. “Even without Death’s plans, I wasn’t going to hurt you, Kestrel. I told you that. We want a different Caelria.”
Since it’s clear he really doesn’t intend to attack, I drop my hands. “If you haven’t noticed, everyone in this damned place lies as easily as breathing. Why not you?”
“Because I’m not from this place … and neither are you.” He moves slowly, sliding off the edge to stand in the bath. He’s still several feet from me, but even that feels too close. “We aren’t Minor Court or guild members or anything else. You can trust me.”
“No, I can’t,” I say flatly. Then the rest of what he said catches up to me. “What do you mean about Death’s plans? I know he said he wouldn’t hurt me, either, but you’re not talking about that, are you?”
Again, a flicker on his face, as if he hadn’t meant to say so much. “It’s nothing.”
It’s clearly not nothing. I start forward. “Tell me, Nero. Tell me right fucking now. What is Death planning? Is he going to reward you for fucking me?”
“No.” He shakes his head sharply. “He won’t be happy if he finds out about it.”
“Then what?”
It’s clear he doesn’t want to tell me, but if we’re not going to fight to the death then I’ll damn well get answers. Finally, Nero sighs. “After the first night, he made me give my word that I wouldn’t hurt you. He’s since secured the same promise from the Star and the High Priestess, in exchange for joining his alliance.”
“What?” Death told me himself that he didn’t intend to harm me, but it’s another thing entirely for him to extract promises from others. “He’s not in an alliance with the High Priestess and the Star. They allied with the Chariot.”
“They were, but then you killed him.”
I’m already shaking my head. “This doesn’t make any sense. Why not just join with our alliance and kill the High Priestess and the Star? This is too convoluted.”
“What alliance, Kestrel?” He says it almost gently. “The Sun and the Wheel of Fortune turned their backs on you.”
“Because of your attack.”
“That changes nothing.” He shrugs, but relents when he sees whatever my expression is doing. “Death keeps his own counsel, but I can draw my own conclusions. He has a deep distrust of the Swords and he won’t allow another Sword to gain a voting position within the Concilium. He couldn’t have agreed to an alliance truthfully. So he didn’t.”
He’s going to kill Vesper.
I’m moving before I finish the thought. Nero doesn’t try to stop me, but he does climb out of the bath and follow me across the room. I grab a towel and hurriedly dry off.
“What are you doing?”
“You can’t kill Vesper.”
He sighs. “I’m not killing anyone tonight.” Nero touches my shoulder. “Stay here. It will be safe enough, and the Trials will be over by morning.”
I slap his hand away. “I am not, and never have been, someone who turns away from the people I care about just because it’s convenient for me. Vesper is my ally.”
“Are they? They dropped you quickly enough after you disappeared last night.” He watches me closely, but makes no move to touch me again. “They don’t trust you. Neither does the Sun. If Death had come to him for an alliance at the cost of your life, he would have agreed readily.”
Without a doubt. No matter what else is true, Cato is a survivor and he’s determined to live to protect his mother. I didn’t mean to break his trust, but intentions matter less than impact. “His theoretical choices are not mine.”
“Kestrel—”
“No.” I pull on my clothing, cursing the bodice that gets stuck around my shoulders … until Nero tugs it into place. I glare. “I don’t need your help.”
“And yet you have it all the same.” For once, he seems almost nervous. “Having sex with you wasn’t a ploy. I didn’t intend for that to happen. I honestly thought you were drowning yourself, and moved to save you. And then…”
And then. As much as I want to be angry at him in this moment, I can’t. He tried to resist the pull between us. I didn’t. “I know.”
“Good.” He exhales slowly. “You’re not going to stay in this room until sunrise.”
“I didn’t have a choice about standing by and watching someone I loved be killed last night.” My chest goes tight as Mara’s face flashes in my mind. Is that the truth? Could I have done something? I gave in so easily when pressured to hold my seat. It’s something I’ll be grappling with for the rest of my life. I clear my throat. “Vesper is my ally. Death can’t have them. Cato, either, for that matter.”
After what appears to be a quick internal debate, he nods. “Very well. Give me a moment to dress and I’ll assist you.”