Page 43
“Sex, in other words,” Ethan said flatly. “You could’ve just said sex.”
“Usually, yes.” Heat crawled up Rook’s neck. “It’s the most effective method for combining essence at that level of intimacy.”
Ethan picked up his sandwich, took a bite, and chewed slowly while Rook’s shadows twisted and flailed around as though trying to attract his attention.
“What are the practical effects of the bond?” Ethan asked after swallowing.
Rook did know the answer to that question because he’d seen it in Cillian and Julian’s relationship. “We’d have a permanent emotional connection. You’ll feel what I feel, though it’ll be muted compared to what I experience from you. You’d get accelerated healing - not guardian-level, but significant. Minor injuries will close within hours instead of days, type of thing. There’s also an ability to sense each other across distance, which means if you’re in danger, I’ll know immediately.” Rook paused. “And my shadows will mark you. Visibly.”
“Visibly how?”
“You may have noticed it with Julian. You’d get patterns under your skin like tattoos but darker and they may move around a bit at different times. Casual people in the street probably won’t notice, but anyone with magic or another paranormal will know you’re mine immediately. It’s permanent.”
“I guessed it would be. It seems like a lot of effort to go to for something that fades in an hour or so.” Ethan was clearly thinking about it, and Rook almost expected him to pull out his phone and bring up a list of questions he’d prepared earlier. “Will the process hurt?”
“It’s not supposed to, but I can’t be sure one way or the other.” Rook really wanted to lie, but Ethan deserved his honesty above all else. “It typically involves sex, which shouldn’t hurt if done correctly. But given your history with your ex, I don’t want to assume anything about your comfort level with…you know... physical stuff.”
“My ex only cared that he did hurt me.” Ethan’s voice stayed level - it was Rook who was ready to tear that unknown piece of garbage into a million pieces. “He identified my vulnerabilities and exploited them to the point where I felt unsafe in my own body. I realize you might not understand that, but that’s the only way I can describe it. I do know that’s very different from consensual contact with someone I trust.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” Ethan didn’t hesitate at all. “Your shadows could’ve hurt me multiple times - I saw what they did at the warehouse. But they have been nothing but protective of me. I know that you’ve been consistently honest about risks, capabilities, and your intentions, and you’ve tried to communicate them clearly from the moment we met. To me, that’s sufficient data for trust.”
Rook’s chest felt like it was going to explode. Ethan reduced soul-deep connections to data points and yet, somehow, that made it more precious than any romantic declaration.
“There’s something else you should know.” Rook forced himself to continue. “My shadows are getting harder to control around you. Tonight, when I realized Pope had scoped you out specifically…I nearly lost it completely. If this continues without completing the bond, I might accidentally hurt you, and I know that would destroy me.”
Ethan tilted his head as if confused. “Your shadows were smashing things, not me. They’ve never caused me pain.”
“Not yet.” Rook forced out the words.
“But you’re worried that they could?” Ethan seemed to be studying him intently. “If the bond remains incomplete, you’re concerned that your control will deteriorate to the point where you might accidentally hurt me in the process of lashing out at something else?”
“Yes.” It didn’t sound any better when Ethan said it.
“Then completing our bond serves a dual purpose. It protects me from external threats and internal ones, as well as anchoring you so that you don’t lose control except, when necessary, in the business that you do.” Ethan finished his sandwich and wiped his hands on a napkin. “You mentioned emotional connection.”
Ethan was looking at his own hands, as if he was worried his fingers were still grubby. “I know you’re worried about keeping me safe from Pope or Voss or even Ashford, but I’ve lived with fear every day since I got away from my ex. Will bonding with you help me feel less afraid all the time?”
Rook hadn’t even thought about that, and now he wished he’d talked to Julian or Cillian, or even Silas about it first. “I’m not sure,” he admitted. “But when you feel afraid, I’ll be feeling it with you. Which means you won’t be alone in it anymore - never again.”
“You won’t be alone in it,” Ethan repeated softly, like testing the words. Then he looked up, his lips in a tight line as he nodded. “Okay. Yes. Let’s do it now before I overthink this.”
Rook blinked. “Now?”
“You said your control is deteriorating. Pope knows where I work, and possibly where I live. Delaying serves no strategic purpose.” Ethan stood, pushing away from the counter. “Unless you need time to prepare or whatever it is you need to do?”
“No. I just…” Rook stopped. Ethan was right. Waiting wouldn’t make anything any easier or safer. “We’d better go to my room then.” The last thing Rook wanted or needed was an audience.
/~/~/~/~/
Rook’s quarters occupied the southeast corner of the warehouse. He had a bedroom, bathroom, and enough space to pace when hunts went wrong, or his shadows got restless. He’d never brought anyone into his personal space because he’d never had a reason to.
Ethan entered first and immediately looked around, noticing the windows covered by blackout curtains and the furnishings - there wasn’t much. “Your bed is larger than a standard king-size.”
“Guardians don’t typically fit a normal-sized bed.” Rook closed the door and engaged the privacy lock. “Ethan, we can still…”
“Stop it.” Ethan turned, meeting his eyes. “I’m nervous. Obviously, I am. But I’ve made my decision based on the available evidence. Unless you’ve changed your mind about me?”
