Page 148

He’s really damn good at making you feel special until he gets bored and then he’s on to the next.

God, maybe that’s the truth of it.

I am special to him.

But only for this little snippet of him.

And then, he’ll get bored of me and discard me on the side of the road like a piece of furniture he doesn’t want anymore. Free for anyone else to take because he doesn’t give a shit anymore what happens to me.

The tears fall harder as I think about the couch we picked out yesterday, sitting in his living room. I don’t know what or how it happened but I started imagining myself there permanently. I thought of a future where the two of us were curled up on the couch on a Friday evening, watching a movie. Or in the kitchen on a Sunday morning, making pancakes together.

I started to think of that place as a home.

As our home.

A sharp ache slices through my chest at the thought, at the loss of what I thought it was all becoming. I can’t stop my mind from conjuring up images of an imagined future that was never real. Sobs spill out of me and I press my lips together to stop the sound from coming out as I squeeze my eyes shut but they shake my whole body.

My stomach heaves and I press my hand over my mouth, shaking my head.

How the hell did I end up here?

This was supposed to be fucking casual.

Kiss a man just because you feel like it.

But if I’m being honest, this was never fucking casual.

At least, for me, it wasn’t.

Stupid, Lennon.

So unbelievably stupid.

My knees give out and I sink to the floor in a heap, landing on my ass. There is no pain though. Or if there is, it doesn’t register above the agony in my chest right now. The cold floor meets the bare skin of my shoulders as I lay back, staring up at the pipes on the ceiling above me.

Tears drip down the sides of my face and my stomach rolls again.

When I was with Owen, I was broken.

I was a shell of my damn self.

But it’s nothing compared to this.

Losing Dalton?

Being cast aside when he’s done with me?

It will fucking destroy me.

And I don’t know that I’m strong enough to walk away from him.

Even if he’s going to break my heart in the end, I don’t think I could give up a minute with him before that happens. The thing is, I also don’t know how to go on from here.

And that scares the hell out of me.

My mind turns, dragging up more memories from the last two weeks and in each one, I keep coming back to two things.

One, the way he looks at me like I’m the sun and his whole world is orbiting around me.