Page 141
“So, I had an idea, baby,” he says, his voice light and cheery. This man seriously fucks with my mind.
“What?” My voice is hoarse from being stuck in here with no water for God knows how long. I’m absolutely exhausted and I don’t know how much longer I can stay conscious.
“We’re going to remember the good times.”
I hold back my scoff.
“There were no good times, Ryan.”
“Your family and that asshole have gotten to you. They’ve tainted your memories of us. That’s why I am going to help you remember.”
“Fine.” I don’t have the energy to fight him. I need to save it for when I get my opportunity to get out of here.
“Good.” He scoots his chair closer to me and gently runs his thumb over my swollen cheek. It takes every ounce of self-restraint to not jerk my face away from his touch. It feels so wrong. That is Nix’s thing and I love it. Feeling Ryan do it is so messed up that I want to scream. “Do you remember when I asked you to be my girlfriend?”
“Yes, I remember.” The screen plays perfectly in my mind. Ryan walking out of my bathroom wearing only his jeans, sitting down on my bed and telling me that he didn’t want to see anyone else. That he wanted everyone to know that I was his girlfriend.
“See, baby? It was so good. We were so good together.”
His words have the opposite effect and I remember one more of the bad times. He showed up at the market and stormed over to my booth. Screaming about how I was always neglecting him for my art and that I didn’t bring in enough money to make it worth my time. I remember the intense disappointment that I felt, thinking that I wasn’t good enough.
“Do you remember?” he asks, bringing me back to the present.
“Yes, I remember, Ryan.” I don’t tell him what I was just thinking of but I remember clearly. It would be so easy to fall into old patterns with him.
“What about the first time we made love? Do you remember that?”
“Yes.” When I look back on this so-called good memory, all I see is bad. I see the manipulation that I couldn’t realize back then because I was so blinded by his charm. The way he controlled my emotions, the way he made me fall for him.
It’s all tainted.
Even if he didn’t know what he was doing and he got some help, changed his behavior, it could never work between us again. I’ll always remember what he did to me. I’d always be wondering if he was telling the truth or just trying to control me.
Plus, he’s not Nix.
I have to fight a smile as I think about Nix. I never thought I would date again and then there he was, charging into my life, and he healed me, he loved me. I can confidently say now that Ryan never loved me because I know what real love is. I know what it feels like to be adored and cherished by someone.
“See? It was so good.”
“Do you know what I see in that memory, Ryan?” I ask and he scrunches up his brow.
“What?”
“I see you using sex to manipulate me and make me think you were a good guy. I see lies. All of it was a lie.”
“Emma, no. You let people get into your head and tear us apart. I begged you not to do this.”
“You don’t understand how much you hurt me, Ryan,” I say, still trying to keep the peace but unable to lie to him. I can’t pretend that the things he did never happened or they weren’t that big of a deal.
I just can’t.
“I didn’t mean it, babe.”
“I don’t know what to believe.”
“You believe me, baby. I love you,” he says and leans into me. I pull away, not wanting his lips anywhere on me. “Fuckin’ seriously?” he growls.
“I don’t want that.”