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Chapter Twenty-One

Addilyn

Looking out the window, I sigh at the dark storm clouds rolling in. They match my mood perfectly, and I don’t know how much longer I can take this. It’s been two long, agonizing days since I saw Trey, and I should have gone to him already. I was ready. I was going to tell him everything, and then Kyle had to go and screw that up. I groan and roll over in bed. I can’t even blame Kyle for this. He may have started the fight but I’ve been the one that’s kept it going.

There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that Trey is the one for me but his insane jealousy really bothers me. Although, I suppose that’s my fault, too, because I never told him how I really feel. He doesn’t know that one look from him or the sound of his voice makes my heart skip a beat and that I could literally get lost in him forever. I never let him know that when I’m away from him, my whole body literally aches until he’s next to me again.

Sighing, I throw the covers off my legs and climb out of bed. It’s sad that I’m just now getting up at two in the afternoon but at night, when I’m alone with my own thoughts, I can’t sleep. Especially with Trey’s scent haunting me from the other side of the bed. This is ridiculous. It’s time to suck up my pride and go over there, tell him everything, and hope that there’s still a future for us. It seems like each time I’m ready to make the leap and move forward, something stands in our way but I’m not going to let that happen today.

Feeling a little bit better, I jump in the shower and start singing along to the song spilling out of the radio – You Were Meant For Me by Jewel. Fitting. When I’m finished, I step out and wrap a towel around my body before going to my closet. The box of my mom’s letters catch my eyes, and I sigh, thinking that I should go see her. I’d love to go talk to Trey but I haven’t been to see her in a few days, and I know I need to go there first.

As I go through my morning routine, I think of what I’m going to say to Trey. Even though I hate to admit, I think I need to apologize for the stuff with Kyle and explain to him that I’ve asked Kyle to leave me alone. I wish I had just thrown out those stupid flowers as soon as they showed up. Maybe none of this would have happened if I had.

Telling Trey that I love him and I want a life with him will be the easiest thing in the world – I’ve been dying to say it for a while now – but I know that telling him about my mom and possibly yanking all those dreams away from him might kill me. I still don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by telling him but I have to. It’s killing me to hold it inside. And a huge part of me is relieved to have someone that might want to share this burden with me.

Maybe the right thing would be to end things, save his heart any more pain but I can’t do it anymore. In the beginning, I might have been able to run but now I’ve fallen too hard. Leaving him would be like ripping a piece of myself away. He’s claimed my heart, and there’s no hope that I’ll ever get it back. Whether he decides to cherish it or crush it, it’ll always be his.

Sighing, I dump the rest of my coffee in the sink and rinse the mug out before grabbing my keys and walking out the door. Thunder rumbles overhead as I walk to my car, and I can’t help but smile. I’ve always loved storms, and when I was little, my mom would cuddle up on the couch with me and watch movies as the storm raged on outside. It felt safe.

I make the drive over to the nursing home, feeling better and better the closer I get to seeing Trey again. But as I pull into the parking lot, a familiar feeling of nerves hits me. What will she remember today? Will she be in a bad mood or will she be her usual happy self? As I park my car and walk toward the building, I say silent prayers for one more good day. That’s all I can ask for at this point – just another day with my mom.

“Hi, Mari,” I say as I approach the desk, and she looks up, smiling.

“Oh, hi, sweetie.”

“How is your day going?” I ask, trying to search her face for any answers as to how Mama is doing today but she gives me nothing.

“It’s been pretty good.”

“Good.” I quickly say good-bye to her and start my way down the hallway, feeling a little better. If it was a bad day, she would have told me, right? I stop at Mama’s doorway and peek in. She’s sitting in her chair with the desk in front of her as she flips through a magazine and writes something down in a notebook.

Sucking in a nervous breath, I step into the room, and her head snaps up, her hazel eyes locking on to me. “Can I help you with something?” she asks, going back to her magazine.

Come on, Mama.

I wait, hoping that it will click any moment but the seconds seem to drag on as she continues flipping through the magazine and writing things in the notebook. After another couple of seconds, she looks up again.

“I’m really busy here. If you’re just going to stare at me, you can leave.”

Tears sting my eyes, and my breath rushes out as I fight off the heavy sobs I want to release.

Please, Mama.

Remember me.

I’m your daughter.

Addy – that’s my name.

Say it please, Mama.

She looks up again and sighs, throwing her pencil down on the desk. “What? What the hell do you want? I’m too busy to have you standing there staring at me like a weirdo.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice thick with emotion, and I try to push it back down. “I just thought you might recognize me.”

Come on, Mama. It’s me!

She doesn’t know me.