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Chapter Eleven
Addilyn
“Hey!” Emma says as I sit down at the table across from her, forcing a smile to my face. When I woke up this morning in Trey’s arms, the realization of what we did last night came crashing down on me. And it doesn’t matter that I want to do it every day ‘til the day I die. Even though our relationship and everything about it has changed over the past couple of months, nothing else has. I still can’t give him anything.
“What’s wrong?” Daisy asks, and I’ve got curse words flying around like crazy in my head.
“Nothing. Just tired. I stayed up late last night working on a project.”
“Oh, sweetie, you didn’t have to come meet us. We would have understood.”
“It’s okay. I wanted to get out of the house.”
That part’s not a lie. I fled my house like a fugitive, leaving a sleeping Trey behind in my bed. I just hope he’s gone by the time I get back and I have some time to think before I have to face him. “How are you doing, Em?” I ask to distract them, and she beams.
“Really good. Except these boys are starting to get a little crammed in here.”
Daisy and I both laugh. “Um…you still got like five months to go, Emmy.”
“God, don’t I know it. I’m gonna look like a beached whale. Good thing Nix promised to love me even if I resemble something that lives in the ocean.”
“Of course he loves you. You’re his wife and the mother of his children. I’m pretty sure you could stab him and he would just look up at you with those googly eyes and tell you that you’re still stunning in your homicidal rage.”
We all start giggling and pretty soon, we’re out of control. “Oh my God,” Daisy gasps, holding her belly, “I can just picture it.”
“What about you?” Emma throws back at her. “Tucker would growl at you and then just kiss you.”
Through my laughter, I feel the familiar jealousy roaring up in me but I do my best to squash it down. I need to find a way to just live with this. Even after all this time, I’m still not willing to resign myself to the fact that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. That thought sparks memories of last night with Trey and I ache all over – my body, my mind but most of all, my heart.
In all my life, I’ve never felt a connection like that. The way he looked at me and the way he touched me, I felt cherished and desired and everything I’ve been looking for since I started dating. And I slept better than I have in over a year last night, cuddled up in his arms. It’s only this morning that reality hit me and I realized how badly I had screwed up.
I love Trey, and while I may still be confused about whether I love him as a friend or I’m in love with him, I don’t want to hurt him. But I also can’t lose his friendship. He’s been the one thing that’s kept me sane since Mama got sick, and I don’t know how I would manage without him. I just hope he’ll understand.
“Man, you’re really out of it, aren’t you?” Emma asks, and my head snaps up.
“Huh?”
“How much sleep did you get, Addy? Did you even go to bed at all? Maybe we should drive you home so you can get some rest.”
“No, I’m good. Sorry, just got lost in thought there for a minute and nice mom speech, Em.”
She laughs, shaking her head.
“So, any good dating stories lately?”
My chest aches as I shake my head. “No, not really. They’ve all been duds. I might just give it a rest.”
“Don’t stop believin’,” Emma belts out randomly, and we all start laughing until tears pool in our eyes. That girl is so random since Nix put two little buns in the oven. I swear, she’ll be talking about one thing and in the middle of a sentence, switch over to something else.
“Seriously though,” Daisy says as our giggles die down, “the right guy for you is out there somewhere. You shouldn’t give up.”
I nod and force another smile to my face as I wonder if I maybe already found him.
* * * *
As soon as I open the door, I know I’m screwed. There’s Trey sitting at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee. He glances up and flashes me a stiff smile.
“Where you been, Ad?”
