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Chapter Nine

Addilyn

I cuddle into the warmth and comfort of my bed, pulling the covers up around me, feeling so much better than I did last night. That was such a freakin’ disaster. I can’t really believe that I cried so hard, all over Trey. Yawning, I stretch my arms over my head and slowly peel open my eyes, letting out a little squeak when I find Trey sleeping across from me for the second time in as many weeks. What the hell happened last night? I try to quickly piece it together but all I remember is completely losing my shit and crying all over Trey’s shirt. And kissing his neck – I definitely remember that part.

God that felt good. His stubble scraped against my lips, and his skin was warm and smelled amazing. I think the way it felt and the way he gripped me just a little tighter for a second is etched into my mind. I’m honestly surprised that I was able to only kiss him once. This is so bad.

Looking up at him, I admire his full lips and square jaw as I brush the blond hair out of his face. My heart thumps in my chest, and I try to push down the urge to reach up and trail my fingers down his cheek but my body wins out, my hand already moving down. Gently, so I don’t wake him, I drag my fingers across his jaw, his morning stubble scraping against my skin, and electricity zips down my arm. Why the hell does it feel so good to touch him? I can see it quickly becoming an addiction for me. It scares the hell out of me.

Glancing down, I notice that he took off his shirt for bed, and I bite my bottom lip at the sight of his lean, toned body. He’s not as tall or wide as Tucker or Nix but he’s still built, his body toned. A tattoo of a sunflower on his chest catches my attention, and I glance up at his face to make sure he’s still asleep before reaching out and tracing around it with my finger. I can’t help but wonder what it means. I don’t see any others so this one has to mean something to him. Biting down on my lip, I try to ignore how good his body feels beneath my hands but it’s so hard to do. I imagine running my tongue from the waistband of his jeans up over every single ridge of his stomach to his solid chest and ending at that spot on his neck that smells so delicious.

Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me?

I just need to slap a flashcard to his head that says “friend” like I’m a two year old in need of guidance. Maybe if I saw the word plastered to his forehead every time I looked at him, I would be able to stop myself from thinking such dirty, delicious things about someone who is obviously off limits. Because that’s what he is, off limits. Right?

He sighs in his sleep, his lips parting, and my gaze is immediately drawn to his mouth. I shouldn’t be thinking about what it would feel like to kiss him but that seems to be the only thought swirling around in my half conscious mind. Without another thought, I reach forward again and trail my fingers across his bottom lip. It’s not fair that I don’t remember the last kiss and I’m reaching a breaking point after imagining it so much. Maybe that’s all this is. Maybe I’m just thinking I feel these things because I can’t remember the kiss. What if I just kiss him again? Will all these crazy feelings go away, allowing Trey and I to go back to normal?

I look back up and meet his honey-colored eyes, snapping my hand back like he burned me. Neither one of us says anything for a long moment, just staring at each other. His eyes bore into mine, and I swear, he’s looking into the very depths of me, seeing past all my bullshit. It feels way too intimate. And way too good.

“Good morning,” he finally rumbles, his sleep-laden voice wrapping around me like a warm blanket. I just want to close my eyes and revel in it. Or better yet, slide a little closer and allow him to wrap his bulky arms around me.

“Hi,” I whisper back, still embarrassed that I got caught touching him. Shit, what am I supposed to tell him about what I was doing? I damn well can’t say that I was ogling him and imagining doing dirty things to his body. Yeah, I’m sure that’d go over real well. I’m about to launch into an explanation when he reaches toward me, and I freeze. Ever so gently, he grazes my cheek with his thumb but that simple touch sends goose bumps racing across my skin.

Stick a fork in me. I’m done.

I have to know. I have to know what it feels like, if there really is something there or I just built a drunken mistake up in my mind.

“Oh, fuck,” I mumble before leaning in and pressing my lips to his, and the effect is instantaneous. It feels like someone has lit fireworks off just beneath my skin, sparking every nerve ending in my body to life. He lets out a sigh of contentment that has my heart pounding a little faster in my chest and my eyes fluttering closed. This was supposed to be quick to prove that the first meant nothing but I can’t seem to pull away now and he has no intention of letting me do that. One hand curls around the back of my neck, and the other wraps around my waist, pulling me into him.

I moan into his lips at the feel of his body pressed to mine. It feels better than anything I imagined. He’s hard and soft at the same time, and I feel like he could wrap me up in those big arms and protect me from anything. Oh, how I wish that were true.

He nips at my bottom lip, and the move turns me on so much that I gasp as waves of lust travel to my core. His tongue slips between my parted lips, and he teases me with it, building me higher than I ever thought possible. My God, this feels amazing, and I don’t know how to stop but I need to find some strength. This wasn’t supposed to feel like this. It was supposed to make things go back to normal between us.

All my reasons for avoiding this very moment creep back into my mind, and I reluctantly pull away from him, not sure that I’m ready to face the consequences of what I just did. When I pull back, he licks his lips and just stares at me for a second before a smug smile pulls at his lips. Why the hell is he smiling? This is awful. That kiss was supposed to be terrible, not the single best kiss of my life.

“What?” I ask, and his grin grows, taking on a predatory quality that I find way more attractive than I should. He looks like he wants to eat me alive, and I hate to admit that I wouldn’t mind that, at all. “What?” I ask again when he ignores me.

He shrugs and throws the covers back. “Nothing.”

All I can do is watch him as he moves around the room, picking up his shirt and boots before sitting down on the edge of my bed. “Okay, well, can you tell me why you were in my bed again?”

What the hell am I talking about? Does it even matter why he was in my bed again after he woke up to me molesting him and we kissed? Jesus, this is a clusterfuck.

“You fell asleep on me in the living room.”

“Okay. Well, you could have just put me in bed and left.”

He stops what he’s doing and stands, coming over to me and leaning down, caging me in with his arms, his eyes burning into me. The intensity in them is scary and exciting and everything I’m not supposed to want anymore. “There was no way in hell that I was leaving you last night. I promised you that I was here for you, and until you send me away, that’s the way it’s going to be. Maybe not even then.”

Well… all right, then.

* * * *

The summer wind whips through my blonde hair as I drive on the back roads to Emma’s house for the baby shower we planned for her. Hands to Myself by Selena Gomez comes on the radio, and I turn it up a little, singing along. I’ve felt lighter in the last two weeks, and I have to admit that a big part of that is Trey. We never talked about the second kiss but he’s been over every night, binge-watching shows with me. Foolishly, I thought maybe we could go back to being just friends but that hasn’t been the case. Nothing else has happened between us but there is always this current, running right underneath the surface, and I’m certain that we’ll succumb to it, sooner or later.

Maybe I should get some space but it seems that I’m just as powerless to stay away from him as he is from me. The days when he’s closing down the bar seem so much longer because I have to go a few more hours until I can see him again. I’m completely and utterly screwed but it would appear, I’ve stopped caring. I guess that’s not completely true. I’m still going out on dates in the hopes that it will help keep me distracted but it’s not working so well anymore.

I pull up to the house and smile at the blue streamers that are wrapped around each column on the front porch. Emma just went for an ultrasound last week and found out that Nix was right. They are having two beautiful baby boys. Daisy sees me as soon as I climb out of my car and bounces over to me, looking like the happiest woman alive.