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She nodded, smiling as she did it. “Only all of the fucking time.” She let out a bitter little laugh. “There was no point even thinking about it when it was impossible. Rex was bigger and stronger, he’d kill me first or he’d get one of his guys to do it. Worst case, he’d send me someplace where I’d spend the rest of my life wishing for death.” She shook her head as her eyes slid shut, imagining that dark place probably for the thousandth time.

My jaw clenched so hard it ached. Fury pulsed through me, slow and patient and ugly, the kind that never burned out, not completely, it just waited.

And as soon as I got the chance, I was going to kill that motherfucker, and I was going to take my time with it.

Underneath that desire to see him dead there was something cleaner and sharper than I’d felt in years. A desire to build her a life far away from the constant fear and uncertainty she’d known her whole life. A place where she never had to guess what a man was going to do, where a quiet morning was just a quiet morning and not the calm before a storm. I wrecked a lot of shit in my life, as a shitty little kid, and then a Marine and even in the MC. But for the first time I could remember, I wanted to put something up instead, and keep it standing.

For her.

“You’re safe now, Ivy.” I waited until she turned and looked at me. “I need you to know that I would never put my hands on you like that.”

“I know,” she said, easily. As if it was just the truth without varnish.

I swallowed hard against a feeling I couldn’t name. “Good.”

She turned her hand over in mine, so we were palm to palm and squeezed. “You’re a good man, Knox. No matter how much you try to hide it, I’ve seen it.”

I growled, because I didn’t have anything better than that, and she just laughed at me.

“I’m serious.” She pressed on like she needed to get the words out right now. “You could have just put me in an apartment somewhere and forgotten about me, but you didn’t. You brought me here and let me be part of your life. Your family.” Her voice was thin and shaky on the last word, and she sniffled. That emotion landed somewhere I wasn’t ready to open up and explore.

Fuck. I couldn’t take her tears. “Don’t cry.”

She laughed, and the sound was wet and a little broken. “I’m not, I’m just saying thank you. I appreciate it, and, you know, I see you, Knox. I see you and I like what I see.”

Ivy had no fucking clue what those words did to me. What it cost a man like me to hear them and not flinch. For years I kept every door and wall that led to my heart locked up tight, never letting anyone close enough to really know me. The last time I did, it ended in a tragedy I’ve been paying for ever since. And here was this woman, handed to me like a chip in somebody else’s game, looking straight through all of my barriers and telling me she liked what she found.

Every instinct I owned said to put the wall back up.

I didn’t. I couldn’t.

“Yeah,” I said eventually, and it came out rougher than I meant it to. “I’m starting to see that.” And I liked it too damn much.

She went back to watching the road after that, but she kept her hand in mine. I drove with one hand on the wheel with my wife’s fingers laced through mine, and felt the wall I lived behind all these years slowly but surely crack right down the middle. I didn’t try to patch it, and that was the part that scared me. I didn’t want it fixed.

“Her name was Sarah,” I began, putting her name in the air for the first time in years. “She was my…” I let the words hang.

“You loved her,” Ivy said and it wasn’t a question.

“Yeah, I did. She loved being on the back of my bike and I loved having her there. Our relationship was fun. And easy. One night we were riding down the mountain after a weekend away. The roads were wet and dark, there was a stalled car in our lane with no fucking lights on.” I gritted out the words, keeping my eyes on the road because I couldn’t look at her. “I was going too fast and when I swerved to avoid it,” I stopped and gathered my emotions before I continued. “The bike fell and skidded. She was gone instantly.” I didn’t say she hit the side of the mountain the road was curved through because she didn’t need that image in her mind. It was already burned in mine.

Ivy said nothing for a long time, but I felt her gaze on the side of my face. I didn’t dare turn to see pity swimming in those big green eyes. After a while, she grabbed my hand, lifting it from her leg with both hands. She pressed her lips to my knuckles, one at a time as if that act alone could soothe the ache. “I’m sorry for your loss, Knox. So sorry.”

This fucking woman. She would be the death of me, I knew it. Of all the responses in the world, that hadn’t been on my list. If given a million chances to think of her reaction, that wouldn’t have made the list. “Thanks,” I managed before emotion clogged my throat.

“Thank you for sharing that with me, Knox.”

I gave a short nod and then we fell into a peaceful sort of silence. There was no tension, but I felt the pain between us for all the shit we lost so young. I held her hand a little tighter and she let me.

***

By the time we rolled into Reno, the early evening sky cast a gold filter over everything. It was still early enough to find Carla Price and still get my wife a real dinner afterwards.

“You nervous?” I asked.

“Nope,” she said, too cheerful by half.

“Liar.” I smirked.