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But something in her words rang true. When I first missed a dose of my tonic, I’d heard a voice in my mind. I had assumed it was a manifestation of Elvira. But eventually, that voice morphed into something different.
It had been my wolf. This whole time, it had been her.
“There is much for us to discuss,” said my wolf. “But I want to wait until you are ready. I care about you deeply, Cerise, and I do not want to see you in pain. You can be angry with me for now. That is fine. Take the time you need to process this. But if we don’t work together to get through this, we will rupture like Silas did.”
My rage faltered for a moment. “Rupture? But… we were able to shift. I thought we stopped the rupture from happening.”
“For now, yes. But the threat is still there. Because of the tonic you’ve taken for so long, our bond has been damaged.”
“What bond?”
“Exactly. We should have grown together and developed a link between us, but because of Elvira and her tonic, we were unable to. Now the connection between us is thinner than thread. It will take time for our bond to form and solidify, so we will have to take care.”
I uttered a frustrated sound. “Gods, I don’t want this! I didn’t ask for this.” I’d spent my whole life believing I was a witch. That my soul belonged to me and only me. Now there was a wolf I had to deal with.
My wolf said nothing, as if she knew that any attempts to continue our conversation would only agitate me further. But deep down, I knew she hadn’t asked for this, either.
“What am I supposed to do?” I demanded. “Just stay trapped here until you decide to let me out?”
“Don’t you understand, Cerise? I was dying,” she said in a hard voice. “That trapped feeling you’re experiencing? That was every single day of my life for over twenty years.”
Horror spread through me, and for a long moment, I couldn’t form a coherent thought.
Over twenty years.
She had been trapped. Voiceless. Bodiless.
Oh gods, was it true? Had I had a wolf inside me my entire life, screaming to be let out?
And I’d had no idea.
“I know this is a lot for you. But please, try to be patient. Both of our bodies need to adjust.”
I remained silent, unsure of what to say. I wanted to hold on to my anger, but the emotion waned with the realization of what my wolf had endured. Through my small field of vision, I made out Tavik’s huge black form lying in the sand next to my wolf. His eyes were closed, and he seemed so relaxed. So at ease.
Eventually, my wolf’s eyes closed, too, and I could no longer see anything. She fell asleep, her breathing slowing, but I remained where I was, trapped in her consciousness. Caged. Restrained.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to sob.
But I could do nothing.
I wasn’t sure how much time passed before my wolf awoke. Could I even sleep when I was shoved aside in her mind like this? What happened to my body? Was it resting?
There were so many questions, but I was too overwhelmed to ask them.
When my wolf’s eyes opened, the moon was on the other end of the sky, much lower than before. A new Rising—a new day.
“Cerise?” she said to me, her tone tentative—as if she was afraid I would start yelling at her again.
“I’m here.” My voice sounded numb.
Silence fell between us. Her presence felt stronger somehow, as if the rest had given her strength.
“When?” I asked, unable to contain my questions any longer. “When did this all start?”
“I was technically born when you were, but my consciousness did not form until you were five years old. I remember when I first awakened within you. You had just cast your first spell—the fire spell. You almost set the cottage on fire.”
I would have chuckled, were it not for the bitterness that tainted that memory. Elvira had taught me that spell. She had seemed so proud, even when I’d scorched the wall.