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‘Me.’

I’m not proud to revert to childish antics, but⁠—

I pick up a pillow and throw it through his head.

Walker remains unfazed. Not even a nostril flair. He flicks his paper and folds the page. Going back to his reading, he responds, ‘Not very truce-like of you.’

I’m going to fucking kill him. I’m going to chop up his big ghost body and put it in the ghost trash compact and then I’m going to⁠—

‘Can you seethe over there; your aura is very off-putting.’

This man. This ghost. IS DONE.

He looks back, and his eyes catch on my mouth. I’m still close enough that I can see his pupils flare; his breath catches. He leans forwards. Rapt attention there and gone in the space of a second. His eyes flit away, and he returns his concentration to the page.

‘You’ve chocolate dribbling from the corner of your mouth.’

Fucking Lavender, I seethe.

Tonight is for the library. I loiter until close, and there after I make my way towards the spiritual section. This will come as no surprise, but I’m not exactly great at waiting. Or being patient. Or anything that requires a great deal of concentration. Alas, study has never been my strong suit. Unless it’s something I actually want to be doing, I just won’t do it. Life’s short, eat dessert first and all that jazz.

But needs must. I don’t have enough money saved for a bond to go live with Borridge, so right now my only choice is to evict the sassy poltergeist. I peruse the aisle looking for who knows what, fingertips trailing over new and ancient spines alike, every book a headstone in this decrepit information cemetery. After working at a loss for the better part of an hour, I change tactics and pick a stack of random books and start skimming their contents pages for anything remotely noteworthy.

This looks promising…

Ghost Hauntings for Dummies

Damn. We’ve got a whole damn section on ghost entrapment, ghost cloaking, ghost… sex? Well, I mean for research purposes… no! Come on, Miller, head in the game!

My eyes skim the page and snag on exactly what I’ve been looking for.

Chapter 12: Haunting, Possession and Poltergeist Activity

In cases of haunting and / or possession of a residence, mortal action is limited but is not entirely helpless. This chapter offers a detailed four-step guide to banishing hostile spirits and reclaiming one’s home.

Game on.

Step One: Sage away.

A clean house is a cleansed house. Start by tidying your space and then light some white candles wherever you’ve sensed negative energy. After your house is clean, burn some sage throughout the home to rid it of any lurking spirits. The sage brings a fresh, lively scent to the home that most ghosts are allergic to. See how to make your own smudge stick in the footnotes. Also available from most witches’ cottages or independent ominous apothecaries.

Sage infuses the air. I inhale deeply. And immediately want to hack. Shit smells like BO to me. But hey, if it’ll get rid of Walker, it smells like daisies and sunshine and all things good. If this shit gets rid of Walker, I’ll burn it day and night just to pay homage to the goodness it’s done in the world getting rid of that long-legged, slick-haired, no-good⁠—

‘I’m picking up… top notes.’ Walker strolls into the kitchen lazily and circles his hand, wafting the scent towards him. He shrugs. ‘Sage – of course. Middle – rosemary, thyme, and base notes of…’ Now he grabs the smudge stick from me and spins it a couple times before pausing. ‘Is that lavender I detect?’ I snatch the stick back from him.

‘You’re meant to be allergic!’

‘To Lavender?’ he ponders.

‘To the clean, bright, positive energy of my stick!’

‘The only thing I’m allergic to is your abysmal sense in fashion.’

Step Two: Rock your world.

Still facing troubling spirits? Consider trying crystals that carry positive energy. Crystals such as tourmaline and howlite repel negative energy. Having agate close to your bedside inspires restful slumber and promotes healthy dreaming patterns.

I place the baby-blue agate crystal right beneath my pillow. If the gist is, the closer it is, the more effective it is – I will be considering implants in the foreseeable future. I spent a small fortune on the tourmaline and howlite decorating the rest of the house. One for every room the book recommended. I even cleansed them under the full moon last night.