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“Hey, Hazel. You busy?”
“What’s going on? It’s not like you to call while you’re working.”
I let out a chuckle that sounds pitiful even to my own ears. “You’re never gonna believe this but I have a question for you. Would you like to come over to the library for my retirement party?”
There’s silence before Hazel bursts out, “what do you mean your retirement party? Dad, don’t move. I’ll be right over.”
That makes me chuckle for real this time. I move through my morning like I’m on autopilot. I pack up all my things, realizing just how much I’ve brought to work. I’ve made this place my second home.
Eventually, Hazel comes storming in. Her eyes land on the banner and she scowls at it. If she had some sort of fire ability, I’d worry for the state of the books. Thankfully, they’re safe from her wrath.
“Dad,” she says, walking over to me and pulling me into a hug.
“Hey, everything’s okay,” I say right away, squeezing her tight. “This isn’t such a bad thing.”
Hazel pulls back, looking up at me. “But you love this job.”
“I do,” I tell her softly, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. This is easier. I can comfort Hazel. I can focus on reassuring her instead of thinking about myself. “I love this job very much and it’s been my life for a long time, but that doesn’t mean this is a bad thing. Good things can come from change.”
Hazel looks at me like I’ve grown another head. Then the look blinks away just as quickly. She shakes her head.
“Let’s go get ice cream.”
“My boss is catering lunch. Let’s eat the free food and then go get ice cream.”
“Great plan,” she says with a small smile. And that’s exactly what we do. We eat the free food, accept slices of cake, and I say goodbye to a lot of the teachers I’ve worked with all these years. There are cards and well wishes. How they managed to get cards on such short notice is a mystery to me until I notice a lot of these have the school logo on the back, meaning they bought them from the university supermarket.
When that’s all said and done, Hazel helps me pack everything into my car before we head over to the ice cream shop.
With our dishes of ice cream in hand, we sit down in the corner of the shop across from each other. My mind is still swirling with emotions, all of them too overwhelming to properly piece together.
“So,” Hazel murmurs softly, “what now?”
I shrug. “That’s a great question, baby girl.”
“I have a suggestion or two but I’m not sure you’re gonna like them,” she says with a bit of a grin. It seems the melancholy of the moment has finally passed and we’ve moved directly into acceptance.
“I can finally work on that garden in the backyard I’ve talked about doing for the past few years.”
“That’s an option,” she says with a nod.
“I could start a puzzle club at the local public library.”
“Right. Another solid idea.”
“I could buy myself a motorcycle?”
“Nope. Veto,” she says, laughing. “You’re not allowed to have some strange mid-life crisis now.”
“Fine,” I say with a dramatic sigh. “What’s your idea?”
“Before I tell you, can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“How’re you feeling about everything?”
I take a bite of my ice cream, allowing the question to settle inside of myself. How am I feeling? I’m feeling terrified of the unknown yet excited at the prospect this brings me. I’m lonely yet I know I’m a phone call away from alleviating that feeling. I’m sad because I miss two people more than words can say but at the same time, logically I know that’s silly. I’ve only known Nix and Kassian for a month. Why are my feelings for them so strong?
