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“I think… I mean… I’ve never felt lust for anyone before.” She swallowed. “So why is Kahn making me feel this way?”

“Maybe there’s something about this Kahn person that is speaking to you on a level other people haven’t.”

“Why would that be?”

“Only you can answer that, Randa.”

“I don’t have any answers!” Ashley was always asking questions that Randa didn’t have answers to. “Why hasn’t this lust I’m feeling happened with anyone else?” Her eyes narrowed, as a new realization dawned. “What if it never happens with anyone else?”

“Would you want it to happen with someone else?”

Randa cringed. “No!”

Ashley watched her closely. “It’s okay to experience your memories, but don’t let them drag you down.”

“It’s not that. I’ve never been sexual. I don’t even like being touched.”

“And that’s okay. But it’s also okay if you’re now curious about sex. Just stop and consider why? What do you think this means?”

Randa hesitated, because the thought of Kahn touching her didn’t make her skin crawl. How odd. What did that mean? “…I don’t know.”

“Visualize calm and clarity.” Ashley shut her eyes, pantomiming an expression of deep soul-searching. “Guide yourself to the answer.”

Randa closed her eyes and did her best to visualize. The thought of sex had always made her uncomfortable. And that made her feel like she was broken somehow, because she wasn’t experiencing the world in the way that other people did.

Phases often slept together, although they could only experience Phazing with their one-and-only Match. But whether through Randa’s innate nature or the result of her grandmother’s prim teachings, the idea of intimacy left her feeling awkward and cold.

Around Kahn, she felt anything but cold.

All of a sudden she was visualizing. Kahn’s mouth slanting across her lips. His big, warrior’s body, pressed up against hers. Hands caressing her breasts, while he whispered dark, dirty, loving words into her ear and smiled like she was the only woman in the…

Randa’s eyes popped open again. Holy moly!

She forced herself to think through her instinctive panic and took stock of her body’s response. While her heart was pounding, it wasn’t from terror. It was anticipation. Her stomach was jittery and her nipples ached, and her core felt damp.

Holy moly! None of this had ever happened to her before. It was intriguing but strange. Strange but intriguing.

She returned to Ashley’s earlier question: Did she want these sensations to stop? When she’d waited for so long for them to start? Even if it was Kahn, the surly, glowering, barbarian, she was feeling the feelings for, wasn’t it worth considering them further? This could be her only opportunity to experience lust.

“Kahn is… complicated.” She finally told Ashley, picking her way through her own thoughts. “But the idea of sex doesn’t feel as frightening to me as it did before.”

“Well, that’s progress, right?” Ashley beamed. “Randa, you should feel so proud of yourself!”

Randa smiled a bit. Desire was better than fear, no question about it. Maybe she was making progress. She’d done the work to heal, and it was paying off. No one could break her. Not even Parald. She was indestructible!

Ashley moved closer to her. “There’s no wrong decision. Whether you sleep with this man or not, is totally up to you. The goal for you is simply to make choices that you authentically want. Not to just blindly react, because you’re triggered by the past. Take all the time you need to get to a place where you’re comfortable.”

“Yes.” Randa seized on that. “I need time.”

Lots and lots and lots of time. Maybe on some other continent. Were there any cities she could visit in Antarctica?

“Talking to this Kahn guy would be a good place to start.” Ashley suggested encouragingly. “Communicate some of your feelings…”

“God no!” Randa interrupted in horror. Communication was not her strong suit. “I can’t ever let him know I’m attracted to him! That would be humiliating.”

“That’s your fear talking.” Ashley counseled kindly. “Ignore the negative emotions and think about your new goal. I’m hearing you say that you want to explore your attraction to Kahn.”

“Yes. Slowly.”