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A soft knock on my door catches my attention, most of my day having been spent in bed. Tossing and turning, hating how their words made sense, but didn’t … how I have feelings for them yet hate them for what happened to my sister. Though, they say they didn’t have anything to do with the choice she made. My fingers clutch Evelyn’s necklace so tightly that the metal digs into my palm.

“Go away!” I call out, my voice cracking.

“Emerson,” Layla’s gentle voice says through the door. “Please let me in, I just want to talk.”

I hesitate, then slide the necklace into my pocket, before opening the door. She stands there, her hair tied into two buns on the sides of her head, concern etched across her features.

“I heard you had a rough morning. Kenan asked if I would – ” she says, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation. Her brown eyes scan my face, “–you’ve been crying ...”

“I’m fine,” I lie, wiping at my cheeks.

Layla sits on the edge of my bed, patting the space beside her. “Come sit. I think it’s time we had a real conversation.”

I reluctantly join her, keeping the distance between us. “About what?”

“About your sister.” Her directness catches me off guard, “About what happened to her — and to you.”

My heart pounds, maybe she can help me understand why my sister, who I thought was stronger than anything else in this world, would choose death. Why wouldn’t she try?

“You knew about Evelyn?”

“We all do.” Layla’s expression softens with something like pity. “I was here seven years ago when she came through. When she came ... and when she made her choice.”

I pull the necklace from my pocket, holding it up between us. “Then you know this was hers. I found it in Tobias’s things.”

Layla nods, “Yeah ... Tobias usually keeps mementos. Reminders of the choices people make here. His own way to torture himself. He also had to clean up after her.” She takes a deep breath, “Your sister made her choice, it just wasn’t the same as yours.”

“They killed her …” I speak the truth I’ve been circling over and over in my mind because it’s the only thing that makes sense.

“The Ringmaster did,” Layla corrects. “Not Tobias. Not Kenan. They couldn’t save her — no one could once she made her choice. Her soul is still here … in a way. An echo in The Carnival’s atmosphere.”

I close my eyes, tears spilling down my cheeks. “Why are you telling me this now? Just because Kenan sent you?”

“No, not because Kenan sent me. Because I see how they look at you,” she says. “It’s different from anything I’ve seen from either of them ... or if I’m to believe the rumor ... anything anyone has seen. And I think,” she bites her lip for a moment, “I think, you’re starting to understand this place in a way your sister never would have.”

The door creaks open again and I look up to find Kenan standing there, his eyes unreadable.

“Layla,” he says, “can you give us a minute?”

He probably sent her in here to calm me down, waiting for his opening. It’s both annoying and sweet. Layla squeezes my hand before rising. “Think about what I said,” she whispers, then slips past Kenan and out the door.

He approaches cautiously, like I might bolt. “Can we talk, Kitten?”

“Is it true?” I ask, my voice raw. I know what they told me, but the truth of it seems to want to escape me. I don’t want to believe it. “About Evelyn?” It’s stupid to ask him again, but I can’t help myself. The idea that my sister, the one who stepped up when our parents decided drugs and alcohol were more important than their daughters, my sister who helped me when the kids at school made fun of my dirty clothes – my larger than life sister would choose to just … leave this world.

Kenan sits beside me, “Yes. She chose to die rather than be marked. The Ringmaster ...” he clenches his jaw, “did what he does to those who don’t take the brand.”

“And you both just helped and watched? Was that some game between the two of you?” The accusation hangs between us.

“First, we weren’t together seven years ago,” he starts quietly, “but yes, I had her restrained to one of my wooden boards. He took her ticket. Tobias tried to persuade her beforehand, but he failed. I did my job. My duty here. But ... it didn’t matter.” He looks away, “If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me ... not him. He actually tried that time. I didn’t.”

I stare at the necklace in my palm, “So tomorrow night ... I’ll … join The Carnival in a way she didn’t?”

“Yes.” His honesty is brutal. “But you aren’t the same as her, or the others that have come through. You never were.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means your sister was afraid of this place until her last breath,” Kenan reaches for my hand, his fingers warm against mine. “But you — you never were afraid of it. You chose a different path. You’re already a part of everything here. I felt it last night between us. The way you moved, the way you gave yourself to both of us. Like you were a missing piece.”