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I know that’s what this is. It’s because I was raised to believe that living with a man before marriage was wrong. The only thing that’s saving my sanity is the fact that I have my own room. Like roommates. Who like to have sex. Who like to touch each other, but who haven’t because one of them has been living in her head since the moment those kids stepped in this house.

“Gah, you’re so crass. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, but right now, you’re bugging the crap out of me. I’m trying to do right by those kids and live by example.”

“And what are you teaching them? Didn’t your parents sleep in the same room? Touch each other? Fuck, Jenni, I can’t keep living like this. I need a fucking release, and you’ve got me so worked up that I can’t even jack off. You’re not doing your job.”

My back stiffens at his words. “My job?”

He drops his head before looking back up. “Fuck me, that didn’t come out right.”

“You think?”

“Fuck, I can’t fucking win.” He shakes his head. “I’ve done a lot of shit because it’s what you wanted, and I’m the last one to dish out relationship advice because I don’t know jack shit about ’em, but I do think that it’s a give and take kind of thing, and I’m not sure what you’re givin.’” He turns on his heel, leaving the house and slamming the front door in the process.

Emotions take over, and the tears break free. I’m sobbing into a pillow, hoping like hell I don’t wake the kids. Bringing kids into a relationship is hard. Tylan and I barely existed when the kids arrived, and for the last month it’s been nothing but the kids. Making sure they’re settled, making sure they’re fed and happy. And Tylan hasn’t really pushed me for anything more. He’s put his own needs aside and concentrates on the kids. For someone who sees himself as a selfish man, he’s been doing everything for everyone, but him.

“Jenni?”

Ryder’s voice breaks me from my pity party. With a major case of bed head, he’s standing in a pair of lounge pants and an old T-shirt that’s almost threadbare. I notice he wears this particular shirt almost every night. I want to ask him why he keeps it so close, but I don’t feel like we’re there yet.

Wiping my eyes, I give him a small smile before patting the cushion next to me. “What’s up, kiddo?”

He rolls his eyes at my term of endearment but sits nonetheless. “You and Uncle Tylan okay? You aren’t going to leave, are you?”

My heart sinks knowing that he must have heard us. “We’re good.”

“Why don’t you guys sleep in the same room?”

To me, this is the equivalent of having the birds and the bees talk, and I’m way too unprepared to tackle that demon tonight. “Do you really think you should be asking those questions?”

“Why not?” He shrugs as he stares ahead of him. “I’m not a kid.”

“But you are.”

“Maybe, maybe not.” He turns to face me.

He has a point. He sure acts as if he’s well into his teen years with all the attitude he gives us. Grabbing his hand, I bring it to my lap. He usually doesn’t allow us to touch him, but I know he needs the kindness. Human touch is so important, and I’m afraid he’s lived his life with little affection.

“You’re worrying about things you don’t need to worry about. I get that your life hasn’t been easy, and it’s hard to go from one extreme to the other, but I have to tell you, Ryder, hold on to whatever childhood you have left. There’s going to be a time when you’ll be an adult dealing with adult problems and wishing you could go back to a time when the only worry you had is if the girl in your history class thought you were cute.”

“Ugh, gross,” he groans as he sticks out his tongue in a gagging motion.

The whole motion makes me laugh. “Don’t let how you’ve grown up jade you in any way, sweetie. Let me and your uncle do the work while you have fun being a kid.”

He goes to stand, and I let him. He takes a step to leave, but stops and turns instead. “For what it’s worth, Rox and I like it here. I get that you’re doing what you think is right for us, but if you want to be with my uncle as more than his roommate, it’s cool. Roxy doesn’t know any better, and I’m cool with whatever.” He shrugs. “This is paradise compared to the life my mom made for us, but ease up on the fighting. Sometimes it’s not worth it.”

A soft knock on the front door wakes me from my sleep. I’m still on the couch, clutching the same pillow I was crying in hours before. The knock lands on the front door again, and my eyes find the bat that I keep behind the door. Cautiously I pad over and grab the handle before slightly moving the curtains to peer through the blinds, to the porch. I see Hawk, with a slumped and swaying Tylan slouched over his shoulder.

Opening the door, Hawk greats me with a strained smile. “This fucker is heavy, you know that?” he grits out. “Oh wait, you must since you’ve been under him bumping uglies.” He gives me a wink before stepping through the front door, barely allowing me to move out of the way.

“What happened to him?”

“Do you want me to tell you what he told me, or do you want me to tell you what I think happened?”

Possibilities flash through my mind, and all of them end with him in a backroom of the clubhouse with some faceless woman as she writhes beneath him. “Actually, I’m not sure I want to know.”

Tylan lifts his head, his eyes so unfocused I’m not sure he even sees me. “Sugar Tits, I’ve been looking all over for you.” His head drops.

“All night. It’s been like this all fucking night. I wish you would just fucking give in and sleep in the same room with this fucker. I’m not used to seeing him like this.” Hawk struggles with Tylan. “Where do you want him?”